The Horrors of Sasquatch Traps!

July 14th 2002

Due to popular demand, Sasquatch traps have made a quick return to the American Marketplace, and over two million have been sold in the last year alone! Companies such as Galyans and Fleet Farm openly advertise the lethality of such components with such statements as "Guaranteed to subdue that pesky Sasquatch, who steals from the trash and chases the dog." and "Will trap a Sasquatch within a week or your money back." Such companies are inextricably linked to the NWO and EU as well as the United Nations which recently passed a resolution calling Sasquatch Traps a "Humane and proffessional way to liquidate unwanted pests such as Sasquatches and Yeti!" Is it any coincidence that in this era of corporate fraud and scandals, that these traps have been marketed with such ferocity? Intolerant men who own and operate these companies realize the only way to cover up their corporate fraud is too completely extirpate any group that questions their unethical standards, such as Sasquatches!

Sasquatch traps work in a way similiar to other animal traps. The trap which is around 10 feet high and 6 feet wide, lures in Sasquatches by strategically placing food, or scent inside the box. The curious Sasquatch then enters the box, trigering the closing of the door, which leads to the Sasquatch being trapped, and left for dead! Sometimes Sasquatches suffer 3 to 5 days before starving to death or dehydrating, unless the owner of the trap stops by before that, to liquidate the Sasquatch. Some Sasquatch Advocacy groups have begun an effort to educate young Sasquatches about the dangers of these traps and how to avoid them, this movement has been spearheaded by a group called The Sasquatch Militia and is actively recruiting new 'stomptroopers' to help combat the recent deaths involving Sasquatch Traps.

So far, in the US alone, over 17 Sasquatches have been needlessly slaugtered because of these dangerous, unethical, and unwaranted traps, which are spearheaded by anti-Tolerance bigots, who dominate the capitalist societies of the world, by promoting and selling their intolerant and deadly merchandise to an uneducated public.

The Environmental Protection Agency is investigating the matter, but many feel it is nothing more then a publicity stunt to portray an image of concern, when in reality very few humans really care about this issue of great importance to Sasquatches and other non-human Hominoids.