Scientists - ''We know stuff"

7/20/2002

Scientists of the world are mad at the perceived lack of trust and faith in their proffesion, and concerns over whether scientists ignore ethical considerations about their work. A group known as the Concerned Scientists of America or (CSA), recently released a statement saying "We are aware that certain scientific initiatives have drown close public scrutiny and people are beginning to question whether our science is genuine. But let me reassure you, We know stuff, and are working hard to solve the world's problems." The statement drew different reactions different spheres of Science and from all across the political spectrum.

Derek Kyles, a Chemistry Proffesor at Harvard had this to say " Who is the CSA? I've been a scientist for 35 years and have yet to hear of this group? 'We know stuff'? What is that supposed to mean, and how will it help avert the impending apocalypse?"

John Ruiz, Heavyweight Boxer and an advid amatuer bee-keeper, was apparantly concerned about other matters "Hopefully if Lewis beats Tyson, or Holyfield, he'll give me a chance at the belt, because I really deserve a chance, ya know?" When asked what he was trying to say Ruiz said "I need it man, I need the belt."

Lickin Twig, world renown Scientist and Proffesor at Sasquatch Militia University was adamant about the need to put ethical considerations back into science " We must protect Hominoids from the ugly side of science, lets stick to finding cures for diseases and helping people live better, fuller lives. Their is no need to imperil Sasquatches to further scientific advancements." Lickin Twig, was obviously talking about a controvertial plan to test drugs on Sasquatches, before they are administered to Humans.

"Scientists will continue to be scrutinized until they put Hominoid concern above all advancement. What does a man gain when he gets rich, but blows up the world and loses his soul in the process?" Lickin Twig added. He also called for a 70 year moratorium on using Sasquatches as guinea pigs.

The CSA, which is not a nationally acredited institution, nor is it listed in the yellow pages, or known by any scientist we spoke to, was unavailable for comment. They may of had something to say, but we could not find their number and even called 411, but to no avail.