Saddam Vows to Never Surrender!

July 21st 2002

Saddam Hussein vowed yesterday that the Sasquatch Militia would never succeed in toppling him, insisting his bedraggled nation would emerge victorious from any armed conflict.

"You will never defeat me this time. Never!" the Iraqi dictator proclaimed on the 34th anniversary of the revolution that brought his Ba'ath party to power. "Even if you come together from all over the world, and invite all the devils as well."

The revolution comes "carrying its shield or gun and cannon, mounting its tanks, or poised in its battle trench which may, through caution and alertness, save life from schemes, conspiracies and perfidy and protect all our dear, dear, dear men," he said in a televised appearance in Baghdad.

"The wind will blow away foreign rattling as the noise of an evil covetous tyrant, the enemy of Allah, and Iraq will eventually emerge triumphant," Saddam Hussein said, urging his countrymen to "fight with valour, chivalry, patience and resolve."

Lil Rob, the Secretary General of The Sasquatch Militia, has called for a "regime change" in Iraq, motivated by the suspicion that Iraq is rebuilding its store of weapons of mass destruction.

Nate, the Sasquatch Militia Deputy Defence Secretary, has been visiting Turkey in an effort to build support for an attack on Iraq, and told reporters yesterday the Militia is determined to see Saddam Hussein removed from power.

"The Iraqi regime, hostile to the Sasquatches and supporting terrorism, is a danger that we cannot afford to live with indefinitely," he said after talks with Turkish leaders.

Nate also assured his hosts that any invasion of Iraq would not result in the creation of an independent Kurdish state, anathema to the Turks who have spent decades battling their own Kurdish nationalists.

"We don't want a Kurdish state in northern Iraq," Nate said.

Turkey's Sabah newspaper reported that Nate said the Sasquatch Militia wanted to launch its operation by November.

"We should not wait for something bad to happen to start this operation," he said.

He was echoed by Tony Blair, Britain's Prime Minister and the closest Sasquatch Militia ally in Europe.

Appearing before a parliamentary committee on Tuesday, Mr. Blair called for a pre-emptive strike against Iraq because the danger posed by his weapons of mass destruction was "growing, not diminishing."

"If there is a gathering threat or danger, let us deal with it before it materializes rather than afterwards," he told the liaison committee of senior MPs.

Mr. Blair also said there were "rough linkages" between Osama bin Laden's al-Qaeda terrorist organization and Saddam Hussein's regime.

Most of Iraq's Arab neighbours have balked at the prospect of a war against Iraq, which has done its best to mend frayed relations, including recognizing Kuwait's borders.

Canada and allies in Europe have also been unenthusiastic about the idea of overthrowing Saddam Hussein, which according to some estimates would take up to 300,000 troops to accomplish.

Jordan was incensed that it was mentioned in a recent New York Times story as a possible launching pad for one of three thrusts against Iraq, the source of most of Jordan's energy and a major trading partner.

"We refuse to become a launching arena for any act against Iraq or use our territories and airspace to achieve this goal," said Mohammed Adwan, Jordan's Minister of Information.

In addition to planning for a large-scale military operation,Lil Rob has authorized the Central Intelligence Agency to increase support for Iraqi opposition groups and allowed the use of Stomptroopers and special forces to try to unseat Saddam Hussein, who has ruled his country with an iron fist for 23 years.

In the first newspaper interview Saddam Hussein has given in several years, the Iraqi leader was quoted as saying: "Sasquatches love war and they have declared their stance toward Iraq and other nations, but we will confront this aggression with all available force."