The Dark Cloud of Intolerance!

July 12th 2002

Recently, Highly trained experts at the Sasquatch Militia University Meterological Studies Department (SMUMSD), have discovered startling news that a "Dark Cloud of Intolerance" is "Advancing towards Saint Paul Minnesota" and is expected "To adversly affect the climate of society, inducing large amounts of intolerance, bigotry, and acts of unjustified hatred, into otherwise tolerant, sapient, and rational people". They have advised all individuals in the area to adhere to the following Safety precautions:

Wear a gas mask. It will provide minimal protection against this evil scourge and plague which will soon engulf our beloved city. Warning - Gas masks are 90% ineffective against The Dark Cloud of Intolerance, we reccomend an immediate upgrade to our "Anti-Dark Cloud of Intolerance" gas mask.

Buy an "Anti-Dark cloud of Intolerance" gas mask! This is the only 100% sure way to protect you and your allies from sure defeat at the hands of this ominous force of Intolerance. They are available only in the Sasquatch Militia gift shop for a small fee of 13 dollars.

Hide! Deep tunnels in the earth's crust have been dug recently by the Minnesota Citizens Concerned for a Tolerant Society (MCCTS), A moderate splinter faction of The Sasquatch Militia. These tunnels are equipped with bunkers and deep "anti-intolerant cloud" caverns which will shield you from the adverse effects and negative consequences of being exposed to this pernicious cloud. Be prepared and bring a years supply of food, water, and other materials which will keep the quest for tolerance intact.

If any of these options sound a little too extreme and unconventional, just stay at home. Lock all doors, board up the windows, and dig a hole in your basement around 7 hundred yards deep, and wait it out. The Scourge may just pass you over.