Man Accused of Biting Dog!
7/24/2002
A man has been charged with Biting his Dog, says a recent court brief filed by PETA. The Man, A 23 year old dog owner, claims that the brutal bite was inflicted in an effort to free a dog, whom his dog had attacked and refused to release upon verbal command from the owner. PETA claims otherwise, citing numerous bite marks which were inflicted by humans, and that the teeth marks are similiar to those of the owner. The owner was irate, claiming he had only biten the dog once, and that other bite marks were the result of Sasquatches, teasing and performing extremely cruel experiments on them. PETA, claims Sasquatches are non-existant and the product of vivid imagination on the part of mistaken humans. "People will see and hear almost anything when in a state of confusion and shock. Some people have seen weird creatures such as Sasquatches, which are almost entirely the result of misinterpreted objects such as logs, tree's, bears, fake men in monkey suits, and excaped 8 feet tall gorillas." Said tree-huggin PETA spokesperson Jim Douglas. "Animal cruelty and abuse is something we here at PETA take very seriously, and its a tragic event whenever any animal is hurt, or malnourished. We want every animal to be treated properly" PETA does of course make exceptions, expecially towards Sasquatches and other branches of Hominoids. "If a little girl had been bitten, a Sasquatch had been bitten, or an animal had attacked and killed someone, PETA would be silent." Said Sasquatch Militia General Nate "PETA's goal is not for animal rights, they have none, but to elevate Animals to the status of a demi-god and ignore the plight of hominoids.".
Sasquatch attacks against dogs have garnered massive national media attention and have been extensively reviewed. But this event has brought little media attention, something General Nate says is common " There is definitely an anti-Sasquatch Media bias, When Sasquatches are accused of a crime, they are brutally scrutinized and called 'barbaric' by the anti-Sasquatch majority. But when a human committs the same crime, it is generally ignored by the national media, and often gets no local coverage." When asked how nate found out about this recent attack he said " I know people, I am a general in the Sasquatch Militia, we have contacts in high places, low places, but most importantly we have sources in all places."
The man accused of the biting is being charged with Animal Abuse and could face 90 days in jail or a 3,000 dollar fine. It is unknown whether the dog will testify against his owner or not. Last year a California man was sentenced to 5 years in prison, for throwing his dog into oncoming traffic.
PETA is calling for the Death Penalty!