Absolutely!
Do you want to be in top physical condition?
Do you want to score major points with the opposite sex?
Do you wish to become a modern marvel of physicality?
THEN BUY SOME OF OUR NEW POTENT DRINK-
Absolutely!
Can you taste it? Can you taste the delicious ooze of Absolutely going gently down your throat, and causing a euphoria of pleasure?
Absolutely - The Official sports drink of the Sasquatch Militia!
Get it now, only .89$ at your local fine purveyor of nutritional drinks!
Don't forget to ask about the new Absolutely 5-pack, always a necessity for a family of 5!
Absolutely is guaranteed to -
Make you a specimen of perfection!
Create animosity between you and the mortals!
Make you super cool!
Cause you to stop being a complete loser and finally find a girlfriend!
In some cases you'll soar! I mean literally you'll mutate a pair of angel wings!
I'm serious!
Still a skeptic? Try Absolutely! If it doesen't work, you won't have to worry about completing paperwork to get your money back, cause we don't do refunds!
If Absolutely doesen't work for you, it only shows one thing! Not that Absolutely isn't good enough for you, but that your not Good Enough for Absolutely!
Absolutely! It works, absolutely!