The Truth About Independence Day
July 4th 2002
Today members of America's hominoid community celebrate Independence Day. A day which we reflect on our history and celebrate our freedom and unique place amongst the community of nations. But Sadly for some hominoids (namely Sasquatches, and Florida skunk apes) it has become a day of hostility where they are not able to celebrate in public among Homo Sapiens. Sadly Sasquatches are being discriminated against and disparaging comments about the historical validitity of Sasquatch Involvement in the War of Indepedence have been questioned. Sasquatch involvement has been revised to simple neutrality with some history books totally neglecting their important contributions to the War of Independece against our British oppressors. Here is the Truth about Sasquatch Involvement in the War of Independence that the Anti-Sasquatch historical revisionists would rather have us ignore.
In the Battle of Bunker Hill (Also know as Breed's Hill) the Sasquatch Militia fought valantly against several thousand British. Though outnumbered, they fought to the last man and took 30 casualties.
It was the Sasquatch Militia who was portrayed as humans in the Movie called The Patriot, which mistakingly portrayes the great Sasquatch General Rufus Elf as Mel Gibson, a feeble human who is over 2 feet shorter then Rufus Elf was.
In the year 1781 at the Battle of Yorktown the British were surrounded and were awaiting reinforcements by General Clinton (not Bill Clinton) from New York City. They were being contained by a general named George Washington and a few thousand Continental troops, who were also awaiting reinforcements... From the Sasquatch Militia! The Sasquatch Militia navy quickly destroyed the reinforcement brigade of ships and troops and set sail for Yorktown. While in Yorktown the British quickly succumb to the awesome might of the Sasquatch Militia! Today this event has been revised to interpolate the word French in the Place of the Sasquatch Milita. But we all know it wasn't the French, nor 'The Patriot' who won the War for Independence, it was none other then the Sasquatch Militia.
Sasquatches must asert the historically validitity of their right to be included in the melting pot, which they gallantly fought to have and now are denied from. Feeble hominoids will continue to believe the lies promulgated by the opulent intolerant class which seeks to deny historical truths and hurt Sasquatch Honor at every turn. It is the Stong Hominoid who believes the truth: That the Sasquatch Militia saved this country from the British oppressors!