It's Alright!
5/16/2002 by: The Secretary General
For too many non-human Americans, things always seem to be in a perpetual state of depression. Humans are made to look invicible and superior by TV, radio and magazines, not to mention the peer pressure which causes Sasquatches to want and desire human attributes. Sasquatches are bombarded with a cavalcade of images mocking the cars they drive, the food they eat, and constant ads to visit cost-cutters and great clips. A strong avarice for carnal sensualities manifests itself intrinsically and is the causation of internal entropy, creating a strong market for Sasquatch rehab centers, so humans can make even more profit off these downtrodden and degraded creatures of the night. The forces of Darkness are committed to destroying any residual feelings of Sasquatch pride, self-confidence, and independence, so that Sasquatches will be forced to depend on humans for the necessities and emotional comfort in their lives.
This plot to domesticate the Sasquatch species and sell them, has already had its genesis in europe, where anti-sasquatch bigots have employed a small army of almas to operate a lumber mill in France. Germany's lawmaking body is debating the legality of such matters now, and its expected they will pass a law legalizing Sasquatch Domestication and subsequent enslavement at the hands of greedy capitalists, and sasophobes.
In Mexico, Florida Skunk Apes have began being imported to work in Ford plants in Mexico City, and soon they will be enslaved as well, unless they leave immediately, which is highly unlikely considering the good pay and benefits (Free monster truck school bus rides on demand, and an unlimited supply of auto-trader magazines).
It is time that Sasquatches begin to ignore this negative reinforcement that is being promulgated by the mass media, which is owned and operated by non-sasquatches. The Sasquatch Militia will continue to boycott all TV, radio, and magazines (except for Roy Orbison, The Sasquatch Militia newsletter, and the upcoming Sasquatch Militia TV show) in order to offset this horrible trend of Sasquatch depression and isolation.
It's time for a change, and that change must be precipitated not by the anti-sasquatch first amendmentophobes or out of control sasophobes, but by YOU, the honest, decent, hard-working friend of the world's only benevolent Hominoid Rights organization - The Sasquatch Militia. Let's consolidate, amalgamate, and conceptualize, in order to extirpate and liquidate the enemies of life, liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness. Together we can make a difference, alone we can accomplish nothing. As Benjamin Franklin, a great friend of Sasquatches and equal rights once said "We must hang together, or surely we will all hang separately". Therefore let us remember that it's alright, It's alright to be a Sasquatch!