President Bush makes first Pardons!

December 23rd 2002!

"Did he just pardon, what I think he pardoned"

President Bush exercised some serious executive muscle today after he issued the first Presidential Pardons of his administration. Among them include

*George Washington, sentenced to Death by the British Crown in 1776 for treason. Bush felt it was IMPERATIVE to clear him of his sentence.

*Jim Johnson, sentenced to 25 hours of community service for throwing snowballs at cars. Bush thought the cars deserved it, since the child thought the cars were really suicide bombers.

*Joe Washburns, sentenced to a week of listening to the group S club 7. Bush knew that such horrible punishments are both 'cruel' and 'unusual' and decided to intervene.

* Taliban Johnny Walker, Sentenced to 20 years. Bush decided to pardon him because, well frankly, he's just really creepy and was freaking out the guards.

* Bush also pardoned himself at the dinner table after he burped on the Prime Minister of Malysia.

Bush claims that he decided on making his pardons only after a painstaking game of Candyland brought new insights to him.