Do Sasquatches Have Bad Breath?

Or does it smell more like bathroom air freshener?

5/15/2002 By : The Secretary General

Recently, in a debate with a cryptozoologist, he commented that most humans and primates have atrociously repugnant breath. I replied that Sasquatches are far more civilized, clean, and well manicured then any human or primate could ever dream of. He then commented that Sasquatches were 'dirty apes' and he couldn't wait till he got his hands on one! The coversation was interrupted when a hammer fell from the ceiling and hit the man, making him unconscious, and leaving him in excruciating pain (Any condolences can be sent to Regions hospital, care of the Sasquatch Militia). Anyway, this made me wonder, do Sasquatches have bad breath?

The answer is a resounding no! Sasquatches are blessed with the most delightful breath in the entire animal kingdom, no primate or human could ever be in possesion of such a delectable aroma. The causation for such delightful breath is not just in Sasquatches good hygenic habits and contant flossing. But it's what Sasquatches eat! Berries, apples, raisains, salmon, and bark all combine in the large intestine and stomach, to produce a potently exquisite chemical - The Sasquatch breath! No other animal or primate consumes this diet, or has such good hygenic habits.

Consider Homo Sapiens for example. They are considered to be the epitomy of Cleanliness, often bathing daily and flossing frequently. But consider the following:

1.Humans are dirty and many eat a diet consisting of lays potato chips, beer, and guano. This diet is often found during Sunday's in autumn.

2.Humans don't drink fresh spring water, and don't bath in the freshest streams in the Pacific Northwest.

3.Humans eat their own hair! Though rarely discussed and ignored, human beings eat their own hair! Hair stylists collect the hair after its trimmed at any local barber shop, and sent to a local refinery, where its incalculated into a delicious hair salad!

As you can see, until Humans begin to recognize their poor and unsanitary practices, Sasquatches will continue to hold a monopoly over good breath!