6/1/2002
Black History month, Asian
Awareness month, and Women’s History month all celebrate the accomplishments of
minorities and historically repressed groups. But sadly, there is no such month
to celebrate the accomplishments of influential Sasquatch and their gifts to
the majority non-Sasquatch. Therefore the Sasquatch Militia would like to
boisterously and vociferously proclaim June to be Sasquatch Awareness month.
Equality must be ascertained in all areas and we are entitled to a month of
recognition and joyous celebration in order to spread the accomplishments of
Sasquatch throughout America and the Indian Subcontinent. Here are just a few
of the inventions, paradigms, and ideas conceptualized and enacted by
Sasquatch:
1. Lamps – Made by Swedish botanist/light bulb pioneer Sassy
Sitdown during the middle ages. Working day and night and persevering through
persecution, he perfected lamps, and now they are found in every home, except
for those where anti-Sasquatch zealots inhabit. Thank you Sassy for creating a
lamp which illuminates the effulgent radiance of tolerance and equality.
2. Bar Stools – Designed by Tibetan carver Johannes Sasanberg
during the Korean War, he felt the need to make humans equal with Sasquatch in
height and stature. Though he could never make humans as smart, sexy, or
tolerant as Sasquatch are, he tried daily until his death.
3. 350-kilogram bowling ball – Licking Twig a famous Bowler
felt the necessity to create a bowling ball suitable for Sasquatch needs and
desires. The Largest human balls are only 35 kilograms large and are similar to
marbles for Sasquatches, who could not compete fairly in bowling tournaments and
where cheated out of numerous titles by the non-Sasquatch Majority.
As you can see, Sasquatch
Inventions have penetrated to the very core of our society and are used in
everyday situations and occurrences. Because of Sasquatches and their
contributions America became the most powerful country in the World, and its
time we honor the Sasquatches who helped precipitate this.
Today Hug a Sasquatch and smell
the sweet breath of tolerance which emanates from its mouth.