Major Pimp - The Newest Addition to the Militia!

August 8/7/2002

The Sasquatch Militia, your benevolent friend and freedom fighting ally, is proud to present its newest member, Major Pimp! Major Pimp will be in charge of Sasquatch Militia boot camp, and isn't afraid to bust a cap. "I'm not afraid to bust a cap, I've done it before." he lamented at his induction, held this afternoon. "I'm 17 and I've busted twice as many caps, thats two caps a year, but I didn't bust my first cap until I was 7 so really that 3.4 caps per year. Either way, I've busted alot of major caps, blue ones, white ones, and red ones two!

Major Pimp could be seen outside of Jimmy's food Market today, doing what he does best, busting caps and dropping the hammer on his enemies. "I bust caps! But that don't mean I don't like my paps! He's twenty two, and I've busted all his caps! 7 or 8 man!"

Meanwhile several bystanders and onlookers watched in utter confusion as Major Pimp continued his contrived banter, which was written while in a delirium or under NWO mind-control, with possible mind-raping. "I got sacks and sacks of busted caps! You ain't got none, because I smacked all your caps, I got fried fish and man you'd better get a grip!"

Unaware of the true nature of Major Pimp's rambling, one onlooker called the cops and made a run for it, fearing for his life. He was most likely an NWO agent, or a sympathizer.

Major Pimp immediately saw the man begin fleeing the scene and wasn't going to allow him to get away without first busting his cap, and setting the record straight. So Major Pimp pursued the enemy, tackling him and busting his cap, to the suprise of Major Pimp, the enemy fought back, overpowering Major Pimp and attempting to run away!

The police soon arrived and saw Major Pimp laying on the ground, they also saw the man running and the officers asked if that was Mr. Pimp running away. Major Pimp, thinking quickly, as all stomptroopers do, quickly seized the moment, "Yup that Major Pimp, he's psychotic and tried to viciously attack me, quickly catch him!"

The police, not knowing who Mr. Pimp really was, gave pursuit and about a mile down the road, apprehended the bystander and put him in a straight jacket. "I'm not Major Pimp, I'm Herbie Hancock!" The police thought he was psychotic and didn't believe anything he said. The man is currently in a mental institution and will not be released until he can come to his sense, and deal with reality.

Once again, the Sasquatch Militia wins!