Food - You eat alot and you'll Probably get Fat!
August 2nd 2002
New scientific insights have shed new light on the dangers of indulging the gustatory, or eating the saccharine coating of life! If you over-indulge, need immediate gratification in the form of edible products, or get a sexual thrill out of eating, you may be in danger of becoming abnormally obese! That's right, if you eat over a pound of french fries a day, for 17 years, you may weigh several hundred pounds over your healthy weight. There is only one way to counteract the growing trend of obesity in this country, and that is to quite simply enact laws making attendance at Sasquatch Militia boot camp mandatory for all of society. Not only will this help foster a new generation of salubrious Americans, it will also help amend our intolerant society and fashion a new tolerant utopia.
The benefits of physical activity, commonly refered to as exercise by many in the NWO controlled media, are staggering. People who exercise are at risk of burning calories. and get this, actually losing weight! That's right folks, you heard it here, if you burn more calories then you consume you will lost weight! This new paradigm will undoubtedly be anethema to the sedantary elements of our society, who are opposed to any effort which may cause them to stop being 'lazy bastards and complete burdens on society as a whole'!
Now sound logic and an insatiable concupiscence to counteract the growing opaque which has imbued our once sapient society, has been the impetus for the following resolution which will soon be forwarded to the Federalist government de facto, which currently rules over the federal republic of Cascadia, under the flag of Intolerance.
The resolution reads as follows:
A compassionate society must and should examine the consequence of certain behaviours upon the individual and society as a whole. A society which fails to logically examine cause and effect relationships, and determine whether something is beneficial, benevolent, benign, and fortuitous or malignant, pernicious, destructive, and negative for society, is a complacent society, and complacency always leads to redundantcy, which leads to utter confusion and latter annhilation. Therefore, being a tolerant, compassionate, and pious country, we would like to forward the following reccomendation to the United States Government, in conjuction with the state governments of the aforementioned occupying power. In order to maintain, sustain, and promote a salubrious, healthy, and productive society we find it absolutely imperative that the following measure be enacted as soon as possible - All citizens of the federated States of America, be required to attend mandatory physical fitness training at Sasquatch Militia boot camp centers, located throughout the country and in various municipalities throughout the states.