Virginia is declared anti-sasquatch!
August 15th 2005
Sasquatch Militia Press
This Terrifying report was recently sent into the Sasquatch Militia press by our VA correspondent. Looks like things are getting a little sasophobic, as well as anti-Perkins over in the Old Dominion.
This commonwealth(anti-america) "state" has never had a Perkins restaurant nor are they ever looking into it! people around here react as such: secretary of peace asks,"where is there a Perkins around this place for a good ol' Sasquatch Miltia meeting?," Virginian(communist) replies,"what’s Perkins??!!!???!?!?!??" what kind of hell hole is this place what’s going wrong with our beloved America? We have non-sasquatch commonwealth tourist-loving states like this piece of trash running the east coast of our country setting the "reputation" of America for foreigners. Thats why I have started a quiet riot, if you will, of drinking every weekend and annoying the living hell out of these people and showing them what Sasquatch militia-ing is all A-BIZ-OUT!!!!
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Let’s send a Message to Virginia. Immediately open up a Perkins and allow the Sasquatch Militia full access to inspect and condone the situation at Perkins. We don’t want another ESP Perkins that’s riddled with Yeti-meat and intolerance, as well as brain-mining surveillance.