PERKINS VS. DENNYS

Recently, a heated discussion erupted during an online chat of Sasquatch Militia members. Many of our neophyte members find it perfectly acceptable to eat at DENNY’S restaurant. These naif’s have caused a rift between the more old school traditionalist Hierarchy and the newer recruits who have a live free and die attitude and are oftentimes undisciplined and lack the courage and tenacity to defend the word of Tolerance against its aggressors. These Covenant signers fail to realize that once your name is on the covenant the Militia officially owns you and your soul, and can the hierarchy can use you as you see fit.

The Hierarchy of the Sasquatch Militia has officially proclaimed, numerous times, that Perkins is the official restaurant of the Sasquathch Militia and that Denny’s restaurant is a blemish on the world. Militia members are allowed on their own volition to eat at Denny’s whenever they want. However they must never pay. Paying for food at Denny’s is a cardinal sin, something that only a direct edict from the Holy Phajer can relinquish the stain on your conscience. That’s why we recommend the ‘Dine and stick around in the parking lot and watch while your friends are forced to pay for your food’ technique. Originally perfected by Militia Assassin and ex-wrestler Nai Yang, this maneuver is in direct alignment with Militia Laws and Customs as well as local laws. As long as you are not told before eating in writing that you will be billed for the food, you are committing no crime. How were you supposed to know the food wasn’t free?
The flagitious legacy of Denny’s is one the Militia takes seriously. Right from it’s conception Denny’s has danced with the ideals of malevolence. Denny’s provenance dates back to the early 1900’s, originally founded as a joint venture between the Dark Lord Kaiser Wilhelm and the Bolsheviks, its goal was nihilism; The complete and utter destruction of tolerance and liberty and its replacement with a agrarian-warmongering police state. Now days Denny’s corporate (read cabal) owners are a collection of the world’s most nefarious faces. There is the Russian Mafia, Al-Qaeda, Nigerian oil traders, the Tamil Tigers, hippies, AID’S, Republicans, the latest Backstreet boys CD, and infant mortality, but far more sinister than all of these is Denny’s and it’s mission - To sell repugnant entree’s and rancid ice-cream in order to fund international sasophobia and racism.

So next time your out and want to grab a bite to eat and that villainous guy with a hand that is always hooked backwards whispers Denny’s in a deep scratchy voice thru his last remaining teeth, tell him no. After all that man shouldn’t be in your car and you have no business picking up hitchhikers who act like the human embodiment of evil anyway. Slam your breaks and send him thru the windshield, and then if he’s still able to move, run him down for good measure. If he’s still moving, which is unlikely if your car has any horsepower at all, go to your trunk and brandish a weapon. Shovels, tire irons, steel chairs, hammers or even your fist will do the trick. Beat him in the lower back until he no longer poses a threat. By this time you may have attracted some attention from curious motorists. If any of them stop, quickly disable them, for they are key witnesses that pin you to a possible death penalty case. Drive to a nearby river, ditch the car, burn your clothes, and dismember and feed the cadaver to the coyotes. You don’t want that creep to go tell the authorities how you abused him and the last thing you need is a ghoulish profligate seeking his revenge against you anyway. You’re better than that.