A Message from the Emperor:
Every now and then, the Sasquatch Militia faces an enemy that is so strong, so determined and so merciless that it’s existence is a threat to the very foundation upon which the Militia stands. Our top experts, among them the Secretary of Doom, are left clueless about how to fight it. It grows and expands, conquers and destroys, and decimates everything in its path. Eventually however the Militia gathers the resources and tolerance to extirpate it from the face of the earth. Presto and all is well. Right?
Unfortunately, the answer is no.
Recently the Militia has come under an insidious attack at college campuses around the country. Recently one professor was heard saying to his students that all that must be done for evil to prevail is to “allow the Sasquatch Militia to prevail“. While such derogatory and slanderous rhetoric is best left to fifth-column polemics and demagogues, it seems that even mainstream enemies of the Militia have taken to such radical views. Even the more respectable anti-tolerance groups, which have think tanks, access to the media, mailing lists, and lobbying power have come under this pusillanimous spell of intolerance.
Recently, the Brookings Institute published a scathing 85-page editorial lambasting the Sasquatch Militia on everything from the Hierappy to the Hierarchy. On the newest Militia venture, the Cascadia rock band, the Brookings institute berated the band for its “precocious lameness and palpable indifference to peculiarity”. It also wrote that the Hierappy was the “only good thing to come from the abyss that is the Sasquatch Militia”. Amongst the cardinal deficiencies of the Militia included the “Lack of openness, transparency, and honesty within the organization. The wall between myth and reality that the Militia has erected to shield itself from criticism has now become a cocoon, that has especially made the leadership more than fanatical in the belief that the Militia is infallible, and can do no harm.”
The National Education Association, a group whose stated purpose is the extirpation of Militia chapters from all public schools, has also joined the fight to denigrate the legacy of the Militia and diminish the public’s faith in the institution that has for 500 years, off and on, battled for egalitarian reform and equality. On Thanksgiving Day, the NEA published a letter recommending that instead of telling the true story about the holiday, students should learn about a fictional encounter between American Indians and Pilgrims that apparently occurred in 1620.
This historical revisionism is beyond comprehension! I remember as a little boy learning about how the Sasquatches of Cascadia and the Yeti’s of Nepal would meet in Hawaii each year and give thanks for a bountiful harvest, a lush forest, and streams filled with salmon. The event was of global significance when it first happened in 1200 A.D. It marked the first encounter between Asia and North America (really North Cascadia) in recorded history. Soon the tradition was destroyed when Homo Sapiens from Polynesia colonized Hawaii and later was purged from the scrolls of history by the Dole corporation.
This newest enemy of the Sasquatch Militia, backed by historical revisionism and a 1,000 scholars and pundits, is sure to wage a fierce battle. We at the Militia must, and will, do everything in our power to preserve our image and heritage from what we are calling the “Media, Think-tank, Educational, and Revisionist Cabal”. It’s time that all Militia members stand up for their history and their Militia. Otherwise, against such overwhelming odds and pressure, the question must be asked : Who will?
Emperor General Maximus Veritas Lil Rob II, has been Emperor of the Sasquatch Militia since 2002 and is the leading advocate for Tolerance and Compassion in all the world. He is an award winning actor, globally renown male-model, critically acclaimed recording artist and best selling author. His latest book, America: How declining human birth rates leave open the possibility of Cascadian conquest. Is in book stores everywhere.