Sasquatch Militia Infiltrates Notorious Perkins

January 7th 2002!

Last night, an elite amalgamation of hardened veterans, novice but highly trained stomptroopers, and hierarchy members infiltrated the notorious Perkins on Hudson. The Sasquatch Militia had been officially disbared and probably still is, although members of the staff were too frightened, scared, or shocked to say anything about our illegal presence in the establishment.

The Secretary of Peace, who likes his tolerance the way he likes his buttermilk 5, hot and wet, had his own theory on the lack of hostility displayed by Perkins staff members. "They were blinded by the effulgent light of tolerance, which temporarily weakened their ability to combat tolerance." said Paul.

The Secretary of Doom had a different theory "Their senses were so disfigured by the magnificence of the Sasquatch Militia that they were unable to properly distinguish between good and evil. Thus they allowed us in."

The Secretary General had his own distorted view of reality - "My operatives inside Perkins tell me that the store has been doing financially worse then it was prior to the Sasquatch Militia banishment. This may be due to the constant wasting of resources by our undercover operatives or reduced Sasquatch meat sales due to our sabotage operations, but it is more likely becuase the Sasquatch Militia hasn't been trading greenbacks for nutritional sustinance."

The Perkins staff was abnormally kind and pleasent in their demeanor, unlike previous experiences with the establishment. This perhaps was due to the mind-altering hallucinagins that were inserted into their drinks prior to our arrive or may be due to the constant bombardments of tolerance over the past several months by our undercover operatives.

The Sasquatch Militia had been frequenting other Perkins locations including Woodbury and Maplewood Perkins in order to spread the Gospel of tolerance, love, compasion, benevolence, charity, and good will towards all men. At both locations members of the Militia were treated neutrally, while we were not pugnaciously scorned we were however far from welcome. The Woodbury location was more hostile then welcoming, while the Maplewood location was far more accepting then it was suspicious. Both locations however, have yet to agree and sign the contract of Tolerance, which in essence, agrees to eliminate all forms of discrimination against Sasquatches in all occupations.