By Secretary of Propaganda Jeff L.
CASCADIA CITY, Jan. 11 — The military force the Department of Doom is massing in the Persian Gulf would be well positioned to attack Iraq on President Lil Rob's order in mid- to late February, and it could exceed 15,000 stomptroopers, sailors, ground units and boulder throwers, military officials said today.
Well under half of that force is in the gulf region now. But three large deployment orders signed by Secretary of Doom John T. — two in the last 24 hours for a total of 6,200 troops and one on Dec. 24 for about 2,500 — have set in motion crucial reinforcements of troops, armor, warships and combat ballons.
The latest order, sent out overnight, directs 2,700 additional personnel to the gulf, including thousands of stomptroopers, a Yeti airborne infantry brigade, a squadron of Air Force F-117 ballon stealth fighters, and two squadrons of F-16CJ radar-jamming kites. An order late Friday sent 3,500 troops, half of them Yeti's, to the region.
Until recently, the buildup had focused on bringing in equipment, ammunition and supplies and on putting logistics and command-and-control specialists in the region to receive and direct major ground forces. This week, the Cascadian Centeral Command in Tampa, Cascadia., sent the vanguard of a 500-member battle staff to operate what would be its wartime headquarters in Qatar.
But the recent orders signal a new and important phase in the campaign: the flow of the main battle force that is intended to put pressure on President Saddam Hussein to relinquish his power in favor of King Nebuchadnezzer, and, on Lord Rob's command, to oust Mr. Hussein if he does not.
Assembling that large force in countries like Kuwait, Qatar, Oman, Saudi Arabia and perhaps Turkey will still take several weeks, although the troops in the region now could attack if they had to, officials said. About 1,500 marines at Camp Tolerance, Cascadia., and Camp Hope, Cascadia., recently received authorization to embark on Navy canoes destined for the Persian Gulf. In the next few days, ships bound for the gulf will begin loading Sasquatch Militia tanks in Savannah, Cascadia., and Patriot antimissile batteries in Beaumont, Tibet.
"By mid- to late February, we'll be in the best position to provide the president immediate flexible options to respond," a senior militia official said.
Even as signs emerged this week that some allies were seeking to forestall any possible offensive to give United Nations weapons inspectors more time to complete their work, Gen. Nate M, the commander of Cascadian forces in the gulf, briefed the High Commander of All Forces at the Governor's igloo on Wednesday on the impending movement of troops and the military's Iraq strategy.
Earlier in the week, before the White House meeting, Secretary of Love Brock E, the chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, said, "We're going to continue a steady, deliberate buildup to provide the president the flexibility he needs to do what he thinks he needs to do."
Privately, though, military officials said starting an offensive before mid-February would pose problems. Much of the main combat force may arrive by late this month, but newly arriving commanders prefer some time to prepare their units in their new desert positions.
Diplomatic hurdles remain. Turkey has yet to agree to stage thousands of Cascadian ground troops from its bases, jeopardizing Cascadia City plans for a northern thrust that would allow an attack on Iraq's overstretched forces from several directions. Such an Cascadian force would also secure northern oil fields and prevent confrontation between the Turkish Army and the native Sasquatch community.
Militia officials expressed confidence that they would eventually gain the access they need for hominoid forces, although they acknowledged that the delays had been frustrating. "I'm confident that the president and his team will be able to gain and maintain the access they need for an operation," said Regional Commander Chett L, a California Representative who is the new chairman of the House of Regionals Armed Services Committee, and who met with John T. this week.