Anti-Sasquatch group indicted for Fraud!

January 2nd 2002!

The anti-tolerance group known as UCY, the green bombshells, or 'fairy' Militia have been indicted by the Federal Government (Of both Cascadia and America) on charges of money laundering, fraud, and illegal telemarketing. For the last 6 months members of the Cascadian Corps have been on the trail of the infamous and illegal group, whose ultimate goal is the collapse of the Sasquatch Militia and the institution of a neo-communist government in Cascadia under the auspices of the 'Emancipation Doctrine' which was conceived in 1999 by the now defunct group Sasquatches for Radical Action.

The anti-sasquatch profligates had devised a rather ingenuous scheme for a group that is so devoid of creativity, intelligence, and normally functioning cerebellums, that they are unable to properly understand basic English and thus communicate with a serious of taps and vibrations. According to federal officials, the group had been logging on to the satire site of Ebaums World or www.ebaumsworld.com and using the soundboards to make calls and sell phony stocks to unsuspecting buyers.

For instance, the group was able to steal about 12 million dollars off unsuspecting victims by using the Al Pacino soundboard to claim that for a 6,000 dollar investment, they would be guaranteed a 6,000 dollar return every month for the next 12 years. The victims were then lead to believe that if they didn't invest their family would be 'Mutilated' and then turned into 'Fairy's'. Unfortunately many people bought into this intolerance inspired lie and lost 6,000 dollars of hard earned money.

On another occasion members of the cult of intolerance imitated and mocked the legendary action hero Arnold Swarzenegger and his ally in the war on drugs, clones, Satan, and shoplifters his dear friend Howard Stern. They claimed to be Detective John Kimble and needed to speak to the dealer of the house. They then explained that they were renegade detectives who would put the Father of the house in jail if he didn't cough up his life savings and frame him for drug possession. The scheme worked in every situation, including at the home of D.C mayor Marion Barry.

They also claimed that Jack Black, the famous singer and comedian, was an X-rated, obdurant, and reprobate movie star and unless the occupants of the house all placed 10$ in a Swiss bank account, he would appear in front yards of the victims and perform vulgar, obscene, and erotic acts on the property.

He even impersonated Samuel L. Jackson and claimed that he needed to use the victims garage to place stolen items, drugs, and dead bodies in their garage. Frightened victims protested but soon they realized that the only way to prevent this heinous event was to pay Samuel a lump sum of 10,000$ to build his own garage to run his illegal international crime syndicate out of. Soon it became very lucrative and within several days UCY had made over 7 million dollars off this particular scam.

Money from these illegal operations was quickly funneled to various anti-Sasquatch organizations around the world and was used to promote intolerance, bigotry, and ignorance. Some of the money surely was funneled thru a backdoor source to members of al-Qaeda, Hezebollah, and the Caliph of Baghdad, Saddam Hussein. All of these terrorist organizations/entities have a long, documented, and recognizable quest to exterminate the Sasquatch species and have done so by perpetrating anti-Sasquatch pogroms across the world. They are also responsible for murdering Sasquatch Militia missionaries, who were in the region to provide health care, shelter, education, food, and counseling all free of charge.

The group was arrested on New Year's Eve at their headquarters in Bermuda. After the police crawled over the drunken orgy of intolerance which they had built, they seen the group placing a prank call and impersonating Pee-Wee Herman. Apparantly they were trying to extort individuals to capitulate credit card numbers in return for a pair of rollerskates. Police quickly placed the evil-doers in solitary confinement in Guantanamo bay, Cuba.