***
��On the turning away�From the pale and downtrodden�And the words they say which we won�t understand�Don�t accept that what�s happening�Is just a case of others suffering�Or you�ll find that you�re joining in�The turning away��
Krycek was despondent. The expression on his face was horrible to look at. He looked incapable of any feelings at all. He just stood there, looking quite drowsy in his sorrow, as they listened to Scully�s favorite song.
��It�s a sin that somehow�Light is changing to shadow�And it�s casting its shroud over all we have known�All the while how the ranks have grown�Driven on by a heart of stone�We could find that we�re all alone�In the dream of the brown��
Mulder stared at Krycek. He didn�t know why. He felt that Krycek had known Scully better than he had. That he�d somehow managed to break through that damn wall she�d built around herself. He wondered why hadn�t been able to do it himself. He wondered what the hell was so special about Alex Krycek.
�On the wings of the night�As the daytime is slurring�Where the speechless unite in a silent accord�Using words you will find as strange�Mesmerized as they light the flame�Feel the new wind of change�On the wings of the night��
Mulder had been incapable of tears. He wasn�t sure if he was just holding together that well, or if he was completely lost in denial and would lose it later on. He was beginning to believe that he was focusing on his anger and hatred of Krycek to avoid dealing with Scully�s death.
��No more turning away�From the weak and the weary�No more turning away from the cold distant sun�Just a world that we all must share�It�s not enough just to stand and stare�Is it only a dream that there�ll be no more turning away��
Mulder hadn�t listened to the song. He�d been too wrapped up in Krycek. He figured he�d have to go buy the damn CD now to pay Scully his proper respects.
The 'party' at the house afterwards was nothing short of a circus. There were too many people there to make for a somber evening. Too many people that hadn't seen each other in years. Mulder did find it relieving that Maggie introduced him to Charlie and the rest of the family as 'Dana's friend' and not just 'Dana's partner'.
He was still irritated by this whole thing. Everything irritated him these days.
Throughout the night, Krycek kept disappearing out onto the deck. Mulder wasn't sure if he needed to get away from all the feelings in the room, or if he just needed to grieve.
Mulder didn't care. He never followed him.
The only thought that kept him going was that once this evening was over, he would never, ever, have to set eyes on Alex Krycek again.
He didn�t say goodbye to Krycek when the cab driver taking him to John Wayne Airport knocked at the front door.
***
Mulder walked up to Maggie's front door and hesitated. He didn't know if he could really do this. He hadn't seen these people in years. This was the third Christmas since Scully had died. He had declined invitation after invitation to a party, a holiday, dinner whenever Scully's Mom passed through town. He was always busy.
He made sure of it.
He took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Bill answered and stared at him for a moment, a little shocked.
'Agent Mulder.' He greeted, opening the door to allow Mulder to pass through.
'Hello, Bill.' He said, glancing up at the older man. 'How are you?'
'Just fine.' He said softly. 'Mom will be thrilled that you finally made it up.'
Mulder stood still for a moment, hearing all the chatting and laughing from the other room. Tchaikovsky's 'The Sleeping Beauty Waltz' played softly. He couldn't seem to get his feet moving in that direction.
A boy of about two scampered into the room. He stopped three feet away from Mulder and stared up at him.
'Fox.' The little boy smiled.
Mulder stared down at him, at his brilliant blue eyes, which contrasted amazingly with his dark brown hair.
Krycek appeared behind him, staring at Mulder in surprise. 'I didn't expect to see you here.'
Mulder raised his eyes to meet Krycek's. He couldn't speak. All the past horror's of over two years ago came crashing back. He had a sudden image of Krycek. It was the same picture that always entered his head whenever he thought of him.
Krycek clad in black, nearly invisible in the shadows. A huddled black ball sitting on a beach. A lost teenager, getting drunk after losing his first love. A new Dad, wondering how he was going to raise a son all on his own when he couldn�t even deal with his own feelings.
Someone who�d never been heartbroken before.
Krycek looked the same physically, minus the bleached hair, and his eyes were a hundred years older.
'I didn't expect to come.' Mulder said softly.
The two stared at each other for a few moments. Bill cleared his throat and left the room, obviously not wanting to be in the middle of the bad emotions between the two. He didn't know much. Only that Krycek was the father of Dana's baby and that Mulder was pissed off about it.
Krycek smiled, putting a hand on top of his son's head. 'I see you've met Cade.'
Mulder managed to smile down at the little boy. 'Yes, in a way.'
Cade smiled shyly up at Mulder for a moment, then took off in the direction of the noise.
Another lengthy silence followed. Krycek was content to wait for Mulder to speak.
'Cade?'
Krycek smiled. 'Dana wanted to name him Christopher Cade. But he informed me not too long ago that he preferred Cade to Christopher because there's already enough kids named Chris.'
Mulder couldn�t help a small smile. 'What does Cade mean?'
'Its Gaelic for �pure�.' Krycek said softly.
'He's beautiful.' Mulder said softly, not knowing what else to say.
Krycek nodded. 'He looks like his Mother.'
'He looks like both of you.' Mulder said, amazed at how easy the words came out.
'Fox!'
Maggie's surprised gasp was music to his ears. She embraced him warmly. 'I'm so glad you decided to come.'
Mulder smiled against her head, surprised that he felt very much at home. 'So am I.'
Christmas there was wonderful for Mulder. It felt so good to be back among people he knew again.
He was totally captivated by Cade. The little boy was staring at everyone, analyzing. Mulder assumed
Cade not only had the alien powers, but Krycek and Scully's high IQ's on top of that.
He had even managed to like Krycek. They had been at ease with each other, joking and laughing.
Mulder was actually disappointed when the night grew late and the festivities were drawing to a close.
Maggie embraced Mulder tightly, admonishing him for staying away for so long. 'Are you sure you don't want to stay the night, Fox?'
Mulder nodded, not sure at all. 'I should get back.'
'Why don't you stay, Fox?' Krycek asked. 'I've got a proposition for you.'
Mulder looked at Krycek. That temptation was too great to resist.
***
After putting Cade to sleep, Krycek and Mulder settled in some chairs outside on the patio. It was freezing, snow covering the ground. Neither of them cared.
Krycek handed Mulder an Irish Coffee to keep warm.
'You and I always seem to be drinking.' Mulder said as he took a sip.
'It's the only way I can stand you.' Krycek replied.
Mulder looked at him, trying to figure out if he was kidding and Krycek flicked his eyes sideways at him.
'Screw you.' Mulder said.
Krycek laughed and Mulder took another sip.
'So?' He asked. 'You have a proposition for me?'
'Cade and I are heading back to Seattle for New Year's.' Krycek said. 'The Space Needle has a big fireworks show. Cade is going to love it. After the New Year, we're going to head over to Leavenworth.'
'What's that?' Mulder asked.
'A little Bavarian town. They have horsedrawn sleighs and German shops, it's great.'
'It sounds great.' Mulder said, shivering in spite of the warm drink. 'But why are you telling me about it?'
Krycek didn�t look at him. He raised his mug to his lips. 'I think you should come with us.'
Mulder looked sideways at him. He was shocked. Why would Krycek want him along for anything? He'd always been terrible to him. Except when they were making fun of Bill at dinner that one time.
Krycek laughed. 'I still think about that every time I sit down to a big dinner.'
Mulder grinned too. 'Damn, we were acting like little kids.'
'Come with us, Fox.' Krycek said. 'It'll be fun. For you and for Cade. I�ll even break down and say I�d like it too.'
Mulder looked at Krycek, wondering if he should still try to hate him. It made his life easier when he had someone to blame everything on.
Krycek smiled at him. 'I really want Cade to know the people that knew his Mom. Dana loved you, so I'm sure you're not all that bad.'
Mulder stared back at him, his eyes growing watery at the statement Krycek just made. He made no attempt to hide his tears. He knew if he could mourn in front of anyone, it was Krycek because he would understand. He had loved her too.
For reason's he'd never know, Mulder agreed to go.
***
Mulder stood on the deck of the floating house, looking over at the dark water in Lake Washington.
He had to grudgingly admit that the past week had been fun.
Krycek knew Seattle like the back of his hand and had showed Mulder all the sights. They had taken Cade to the Seattle Aquarium, where both the little boy and Mulder had been fascinated by the underwater dome. Krycek had stood off to the side and watched the two of them stare above their heads, pointing out sea creatures to each other.
Mulder had caught Krycek�s gaze and grinned foolishly in spite of himself as the latter held a video camera to his face.
�I�m forgetting what you look like behind that thing.�
Krycek smiled. �Why do I get the distinct feeling that you�re not complaining?�
They had made the rounds of downtown Seattle. Mulder particularly loved how everything was done up for the holidays. Krycek took Cade on the Carousel while Mulder caught everything on tape this time.
Gameworks had just been ugly anyway you look at it. Mulder and Krycek indulged a bit too much in the virtual shooting games.
They took the ferry over to Victoria and tooled around Buchart gardens, which were beautifully lit for the holidays.
The night before New Years, Mulder and Krycek had sat in the living room and drank Scotch. They were both sitting on the floor. Mulder sat with his back to the fire, and Krycek sat across from him, leaning against the couch. They were both a little drunk when Krycek pulled out the camera.
�Oh shit, Krycek.� Mulder whined drunkenly. �Not that damn thing again.�
�Such a foul mouth when you drink.� Krycek replied. �Tell me a story about Dana. Something for Cade. So he can watch it when he gets older.�
�About Scully?� Mulder asked softly.
�Yeah. Tell me your favorite memory. And please bare in mind that it�s for her son.�
Mulder laughed and took a heavy drink of the Glen Livit, looking off to the side in thought. He suddenly grinned.
�Okay. When we were in Los Angeles for the premiere of that horrid movie, we had an extra day. And we went to an amusement park, north of LA. It was a Six Flag�s��
�Magic Mountain.� Krycek smiled behind the camera.
�That�s the one.� Mulder pointed at him and continued. �There�s this ride. It�s actually pretty stupid. You stand in this circular room, and it starts to go round and round...�
�Spin Out.� Krycek laughed. �The bottom drops out beneath you.�
�Yeah!� Mulder exclaimed. �And the centri�Centralogical��
�Centrilical force.�
�Whatever.� Mulder waved a hand at him. �That motion makes you stick to the walls. There were these two teenagers that turned themselves upside down. And Scully tried to do it too, but she got stuck halfway.�
Krycek began to laugh, catching the visual from Mulder.
�So she�� Mulder began to laugh along with him. �So she is stuck sideways, and I guess she started to get sick. So she was yelling for them to stop the ride. She tried to put her hands up, but couldn�t. Whenever she tried to hold up a hand, it just smacked against the person next to her.�
�If I was next to her,� Krycek said, �I�d be afraid that she would throw up.�
Mulder laughed harder. �Well, they stopped the damn thing, and she slid to the floor. Everyone else managed to get to their feet, but she just kinda fell. We couldn�t get out of there fast enough. Needless to say, Scully threw up outside, and seeing her puke made me puke��
They both laughed for a few minutes.
�So, that�s my favorite memory of Scully.� Mulder said. �She wasn�t in control for once and she didn�t handle it very well. It was almost a vindication�
�She did like to have a handle on things.� Krycek said softly.
Mulder nodded. �That, she did.�
They shared a comfortable silence.
�Your turn.� Mulder said, taking the camera from Krycek.
�What?�
�You heard me, Krycek.� Mulder said, putting the camera up to his face and settling back on the floor in front of the fire. �What�s your favorite memory of Scully.�
�Fox, I can tell Cade these stories anytime-�
�I had to do it, and now you do too.�
Krycek blew out a breath. The flames danced across his face as he looked off to the side. �I�m not sure I want-�
�Oh, shut up and tell me.� Mulder said. �Even I�m curious to know. And I was there for the pumpkin scenario, so let�s just skip that one.�
�It was when she told me to have a seat.� Krycek said softly, not looking at him.
�Huh?�
�The night after you�d been abducted.� Krycek�s eyes were staring into the fire, far away. �I went to her apartment. I had wanted to warn her about the baby. I knew it was important. I knew what they had created the baby for. I knew it was to save mankind. I had assumed it was yours.�
He drifted off, lost in the memory.
�Go on.� Mulder said softly.
�I went to Dana�s apartment to warn her. Skinner was there. He answered the door. I could feel how much Dana hated me. Her disgust towards me was like needles piercing my skin. She was terrified of me. She thought I had been responsible for your abduction. But there was something in my eyes. Something in my eyes that she could see. She was scared, and she was hurt, and she couldn�t stand the sight of me. But somehow, she saw past all that and found the good. Something in my eyes. Something.�
A beat of silence passed before Krycek smiled sadly to himself. �Skinner answered the door. I said I needed to talk to her. And she told me to have a seat.� He smiled up at Mulder, inadvertently into the camera. �I truly believe, that with those words, she saved my life.�
Mulder kept the camera on Krycek�s face. �How so?�
Krycek shook his head, thinking. His eyes wandered the room as he thought about the question. �Once I had found out what had been going on behind my back, I didn�t know who I was anymore. It seemed that the person I was, that all I�d been doing, that everything I�d been taught to believe, it was all a lie. I had nothing. I was lost. Her words were like an acceptance. Someone was willing to listen to me. Someone finally took the time. Dana was the first person to ever know who I was; she was the first person to love me for who I was. She was the first person who knew everything about me and still accepted me. She was my first true friend. She was my best friend.�
They were silent and Krycek laughed, his eyes were teary. �Now that I�ve babbled on and on��
Mulder set the camera down and looked at his supposed brother. �Scully was one hell of a person.�
�She was.�
�Krycek?�
�Fox.�
�Can I ask you a question?�
�Of course.�
�What happened the night before Cade was born?�
�It was Thanksgiving.� Krycek said. �We had a pumpkin fight, lot�s of visitor�s, a huge dinner, the baby had been kicking��
�That�s not what I meant.� Mulder said.
Krycek didn�t look at him. �I know.�
A few minutes of silence passed and Mulder had decided to approach the subject differently. �Did you love her?� He bluntly asked.
�Of course I loved her.� Krycek responded. �She was the mother of my child, she was my best friend.�
�That�s not what I meant.� Mulder said, looking sternly at him.
Krycek had smiled and taken a swallow of his scotch. �I know.�
Mulder took the hint. The two of them had chattered on about trivial things. Krycek had wanted to know more about weird cases that Mulder had worked on while Mulder had wanted to know more about the Syndicate and Krycek�s past adventures.
The Space Needle had been interesting, to say the least. The fog had rolled in five minutes before the show, then rolled out five minutes after it had stopped. Krycek had laughed. Apparently, it did that every year. All they could see were the flashes and colors of the pyrotechnics.
Not only did Mulder disagree on Cade being up so late, but it was freezing cold as well.
'Oh please.' Krycek said, smiling, hoisting Cade onto his shoulders. 'Cade tells me what he needs.'
Mulder felt stupid after that, realizing that Cade was more in control of his own life than Mulder was in control of his.
'I don't know.' Mulder said, staring over at the water. 'This is pretty damn scary.'
Krycek laughed. 'Scary? Fox, you've seen things that I haven't even seen. You really expect me to believe that you're afraid of the Puget Sound?'
Mulder turned to look at Krycek, eyes a little wide. 'The largest squid in the world live in the Puget Sound! How do you know a giant tentacle isn't going to reach out of the water and pull your floating house down?'
'Fox, those squid are under the Narrows bridge, down in Tacoma.' Krycek grinned lopsidedly at him. 'That's pretty far away.'
'They swim.'
Krycek had begun to laugh, taking a drink of water.
Mulder indulged in his Guinness. 'How can you drink water at this time of morning?'
'I don't need to be dehydrated.' Krycek said, looking at his watch. 'It's three thirty in the morning. Cade will be awake in a few hours.'
Mulder winced. 'These hours you keep. When do you ever sleep?'
'I don't need much sleep. I never really have.' Krycek took another drink of water. He suddenly began to choke.
Mulder looked over at him, concerned. 'Are you all right?'
Krycek's face had turned white, water spewed out of his mouth and nose. If it didn't scare Mulder when it happened, it would have been funny.
Krycek gasped for air. His eyes were terrified.
'You okay? Mulder asked again.
Krycek dropped his glass of water and it shattered on the deck. He put his hands on his face, swooning.
Mulder guided him to a chair. 'What's wrong?'
Krycek stared out across Lake Washington for a moment, out at the University, before Mulder noticed tears dripping down his face.
'Krycek?' He asked softly. 'What's wrong?'
Krycek reached over and put a hand on Mulder's arm.
His head was suddenly flooding with feelings. It had been years; it had been so long. Mulder knew what he was feeling. This was amazing, this was insane. This couldn't be real. Mulder could feel her reaching out to Krycek, then to him.
Mulder began to cry and spoke softly.
'Hey Scully.'
'Daddy?'
Krycek whipped his head towards Cade, his mind suddenly clearing of Dana. He quickly passed a hand over his mouth. 'Yeah, son?'
'Where's Mommy?'
Mulder and Krycek both stared back at him. Mulder didn't know what to say and would have given Krycek everything he had if he could have come up with something.
'I can hear her.' Cade said.
Krycek hugged his son, tears falling down his cheeks all over again.
This little scene was way more than Mulder could handle. He felt like an intruder.
Krycek suddenly looked up at Mulder. 'Can you get into the base?'
'What base?'
'The base you're working out of.'
Mulder stared back at Krycek. 'Why do you ask?'
Krycek stood up to face him, holding Cade. 'That's where she is.'
'It couldn't be.' Mulder said. 'I work there all the time, I would have known.'
'Have you had sudden leaps in your progress of mapping out the vaccine?'
Mulder thought about it, slowly nodded.
Krycek's face was twisted in agony. 'They've been using Dana.'
***
Krycek carried Cade up to the front door. Maggie opened it before he could knock.
He held his son for a few moments, then passed him over to Scully's mom.
'What is this important business, Alex?'
Krycek smoothed his hand over Cade's sleeping head. 'Nothing you'd be too interested in. Just some old stuff I have to deal with.'
Maggie looked over Krycek's shoulder to see Mulder sitting in the driver's seat of the car. He waved at her. The two of them together, she thought. This couldn't be good.
'You will be careful, wont you, Alex?'
Krycek smiled at her and suddenly hugged both of them. 'Thank you.'
Maggie hugged him back with the arm that wasn't holding Cade. 'For what?'
'Just for everything.' He closed his eyes. 'I never had a family before.'
Maggie pulled back to look him in the eyes. 'You always will be part of our family.'
Krycek smiled back at her. He gave Cade a kiss on the cheek, then turned and walked away.
***
They pulled up in front of the warehouse. Krycek looked at it, his eyes scanning every nook and cranny.
'She's in there.' Was all he said, getting out of the car and approaching the door.
Mulder followed close behind. Krycek opened the door and stepped inside, looking more and more like the Krycek he remembered. Sneaky and plotting.
They came into a large empty room. It had a staircase on the far end of the wall; the middle was filled with medical equipment, a table, and instruments. There was a one-way mirror on the right wall.
Mulder stayed back by the door to cover their retreat. Krycek walked to the middle of the room, eyeing everything, his face growing angrier and angrier. Finally, he turned to the mirror and stared at it.
Pieces of glass flew everywhere. Mulder turned his head and covered his face before seeing Diana and Cancer Man in the room along with a few other unrecognizable people the mirror was protecting.
'My own father.' Krycek said lowly. If looks could kill, Mulder mused, everyone in the building would be dead by now.
'I merely contributed to your creation.' Spender said.
'Give her to me.' Krycek said.
