A memory kept playing over and over in his head. They were in his apartment, Mulder was on the ground and Krycek was pointing a gun at him.
�Hear this, Agent Mulder.� His brother had begun, evil and grim. �Listen very carefully because what I'm telling you is deadly serious. There is a war raging, and unless you pull your head out of the sand, you and I and about five billion other people are going to go the way of the dinosaur. I'm talking planned invasion. The colonization of this planet by an extraterrestrial race.�
Mulder laughed. �I thought you were serious.�
�Kazakhstan, Skyland Mountain, the site in Pennsylvania.� Krycek went on as if Mulder hadn�t said a word. �They're all alien lighthouses where the colonization will begin, but where now, a battle's being waged. A struggle for heaven and earth. Where there is one law: Fight or die. And one rule: Resist or serve.
�Serve who?� Mulder asked.
Krycek shook his head. �No, not who. What.�
�Krycek, you're a murderer, a liar and a coward.� Mulder replied, tired of the charade. �Just because you stick a gun in my chest, I'm supposed to believe you're my friend?�
Back in the room, Mulder put his hands over his face and exhaled heavily. Well, Krycek hadn�t quite turned out to be his friend.
He had leaned over and kissed me on the cheek, Mulder thought to himself. I had always thought that was so odd. Thought that maybe he was playing Judas.
So much has happened since then. How many years ago was that? Too many. And everything was still all screwed up.
�Where are they?�
Mulder looked down to see Krycek�s eyes open, pinning him to the wall.
�You�re awake.� He replied. �How do you feel?�
�Restraints?� Krycek asked when he had tried to sit up. �I have to tell you, this doesn�t help that whole trust issue you�ve been agonizing over.�
�I knew if you weren�t restrained, you�d get up and try to take on the building, Alex.�
�Where the hell are they, Mulder?� Krycek asked. �What�s going on?�
�Mulder?� He asked. �I can�t remember the last time you called me that.�
�Where are they?�
�They�re fine, Alex.� Mulder said softly. �You really think I�d put them in danger?�
�What are you doing, Mulder?� His brother asked, his voice steadily rising. �Have you completely lost your mind? Spender�s not going to let her or Cade go. Where the hell�s my son?�
�Scully�s been sent away.� Mulder said, approaching the bedside. �She�s fine. Cade is fine. Maggie is with him all the time. I�m always there. Nothing is going to happen. I promise. No tricks, really Alex. Scully is hiding, waiting for Cade. You�re going to be released and you need to find her. You need to take care of her. I�m sure she�s already half-insane by now with worry over you and Cade. She has the information on how she�s going to be contacted when Cade will be released, which is going to be very soon. I know the basic area she�s in, but nothing beyond that. And I�m reluctant to go ask Spender about anything. I want you out of here right now, as soon as you feel ready. It�s almost over, Alex.�
Krycek stared back at him, looking either really angry, or really upset. Mulder couldn�t choose.
�Very few people know you�re alive, Alex. Me, Koskie, Marie, Skinner, and of course, dear old Dad.�
Krycek still didn�t respond. He gnawed on his lip as his eyes wandered the room.
�Alex, if I had told you in the car what was going to happen, you wouldn�t have gone along with it.�
�Well, gee, Mulder, there�s a reason for that, you know.�
�I�m taking care of everything, okay, Alex?� Mulder said. �Everything is fine. I�ve made a deal. Spender wouldn�t dare screw it up. He�s been waiting for this for far too long. It�s what he�s always wanted.�
Krycek eyed him for a minute. �You�re working with them, aren�t you?�
�I�ve made a deal.�
�If either one of them is harmed,� Krycek said softly, �I swear to God, Fox Mulder, I�ll kill you.�
�I thought you didn�t believe in God, Alex.�
�The principle is still the same.�
�Such harsh words to say to your brother.� Mulder replied.
Krycek looked him in the eye with such fierce that Mulder was afraid fire would shoot out of his eyes.
�You are not my brother.�
Mulder took in a breath and held it.
He didn�t speak for a minute. He stood there with his brow furrowed, amazed at what had just happened.
�What�s wrong, Mulder?� Krycek asked, his lips barely moving. �Feeling guilty?�
�No.� Mulder shook his head before meeting Krycek�s eyes. �I was just so unprepared for how much that simple statement would really affect me.�
He turned to leave, then stopped, his back towards Krycek.
�You know, Alex. I�m sorry we never got to be brother�s.�
Outside, Mulder shut the door and let his head fall back against it, letting out a deep sigh.
***
Scully felt quite certain that she was going to go crazy soon.
��Dear God, hope you got the letter and�I pray, you can make it better down here��
The End radio station was on in the house. The closest thing she could find to KROQ. It was resurrection weekend. It reminded her of Alex. It reminded her of better days.
��But all the people that you made in your image�See them starving on their feet�Cause they don�t get enough to eat�From God��
She stood on the little porch at the back of the house at one o�clock in the morning. She was leaning against the railing, looking down at the still water. It was nearly pitch black out here. During the day, lily pads made it hard to see anything below the surface of the water. Ducks quacked at her as they sailed in for a splash landing and every so often, Canadian Geese would honk overhead.
��Dear God, sorry to disturb you but�I feel that I should be heard loud and clear�We all need a big reduction in the amount of tears��
But at night, everything was darkness.
She wanted better days, unlike the gray misery she�d been floating senselessly around in lately.
��And all the people that you made in your image�See them fighting in the street�Cause they can�t make opinions meet�About God��
It had been a week and she had heard nothing. She tried not to feel despair, but she did anyway. She had taken up smoking again, like she did back in college, and promised herself that once she got the phone call, she would never light another cigarette again. She never slept in the bedroom, she always feel asleep on the couch, with a big, warm, blaze roaring in the fireplace. It was too depressing to be alone in the house to begin with. At least sleeping on the couch made it feel like she was just a visitor, and this was only temporary. She had possibly never felt such despair in her life.
��Dear God, I don�t know if you�ve noticed but�Your name is in a lot of quotes in this book�Us crazy humans wrote it, you should take a look��
How many times has she said that in last ten years? I�ve never felt such despair�
��And all the people that you made in your image�Still believing that junk is true�Well I know it ain�t and so do you��
She had awoken from a dream for some reason. The dream had upset her. She hadn�t been able to go back to sleep. So now, here she was, standing out in the freezing, pouring rain in the middle of the night, smoking and getting soaked to the bone. She didn�t care. The dream had thrown her wide-awake.
��I won�t believe in Heaven and Hell�No Saint�s, no sinners, no Devil as well��
She�d been at the beach house, in the rec room. Her mom was there, Skinner was there, and she knew that Mulder was down on the beach with Cade, building a sandcastle. She heard Alex calling her name, but when she went out on the deck, to find him, she�d been standing on the pier across the lake. She�d been looking back at the cottage she was staying in now.
��No pearly gates, no thorny crown�You�re always letting us humans down��
Her eyes had jerked open. She�d slowly sat up on the couch and stayed perfectly still. She could have sworn that she�d felt Alex in her mind. That maybe he�d been trying to tell her something.
��The wars you bring, those babes you drown�Those lost at sea and never found��
She believed that he was alive. She�d sensed as much from Spender. It�s the reason she�d lied to Cooper. He�d left Marie�s apartment that night under the impression that Krycek had died as a result of the gunshot wound to his chest. And there was no need for anyone other than the select few of them to know that he was alive. It was better that the NSA, the Syndicate, the Verein, that everyone thought that Alex Krycek was dead. And good riddance, most of them would think.
��And it�s the same the whole world �round�The hurt I see helps to compound��
The John Barrymore quote that Spender had flung her way reinforced her belief that Alex was alive.
She had no doubt. If he was free, Alex would find her.
��That the Father, Son and Holy Ghost�Is just somebody�s unholy hoax��
This whole thing was insane. Scully thought back to when she�d first met Krycek, straight out of the academy, green, and struggling to please everyone. Especially Mulder. Who knew at that time that he�d turn out to be Mulder�s brother and the father of her child?
She had become completely disenchanted with life. She longed for better days.
The lyrics were getting to her.
��And if you�re up there, you�ll perceive�That my heart�s here, upon my sleeve��
Dana�
Scully jerked on the balcony. Krycek�s presence was suddenly very real in her head again.
Alex?
��If there�s one thing I don�t believe in�It�s you�.�
There was nothing and her eyes filled with tears. She could have imagined it.
��Dear God��
Her dream popped into her head. The pier.
She was suddenly enveloped in silence, like an invisible shield had gone up around her. She suddenly knew. She was suddenly so sure. She looked across the lake, but couldn�t see anything in the dark.
He was at the pier.
Scully didn�t stop, didn�t think. She ran out into the dark night, stumbling through the trail. The rain pelted against her, branches slapped at her face. The path was slippery and she stumbled and fell down.
She didn�t care.
Covered in mud, her arm was bleeding and her leg hurt, she got up and kept running. She realized that she wasn�t wearing any shoes, she was only wearing the thin sweats that she�d been sleeping in. Her long hair was wet and stringy, clinging to her face and she whipped it behind her but it didn�t matter. She still couldn�t see where she was going. Rain, tears, darkness, whatever. Either way, she was blind.
She came to the pier. She could barely see him standing at the end. He was completely drenched, shivering, his arms wrapped around himself. He had a sweatshirt hood pulled over a baseball cap. It didn�t matter; it was raining so hard that he could have had on a dozen layers and he still would have been drenched. He was soaked through and shaking. It was dark, but she knew he could see her.
His voice entered her head as he rushed to meet her.
I�ve been looking for you.
She began to laugh like an idiot as she threw her arms around his neck, nearly knocking him down.
�I knew you�d fine me.� She said.
�And you say you�re not psychic.� He replied softly, hugging her back.
She began to cry at the sound of his voice speaking the familiar words.
Krycek rested his chin on top of her head. He didn�t know what to say. �Dana, you�re freezing.�
She squeezed her eyes shut, gripping him tighter. She didn�t think she could talk.
�They have their damn vaccine.� He said through his chattering teeth. �It�s over.�
She managed to spit out some words. �Did you see Cade?�
He shook his head and pulled her wet hair behind her.
She leaned back and looked up at him, barely able to make out his features in the dark light.
�He�ll be released soon.� Krycek said. �Colonization won�t happen once the aliens realize that we�re immune. Jesus, my mouth is frozen. You should feel lucky that I�m too cold to talk as much as normal.�
She laughed through her tears and put her hands on his face. �You�re here.�
He kept his arms around her waist and laughed back. �So are you.�
They laughed harder. She rested her cheek against his chest and smiled. �It�s been a long time, Alex.�
�Way too long.� He replied, resting his head on hers. They stood that way for a minute, ignoring the rain that showered down on them and the wind that blew freezing air against their skin.
�Dana, you smell like cigarettes.�
�Are you okay?� She put a hand over where he�d been shot.
�Why are you�re covered in mud?� He replied, looking down at her. �Your arm�s bleeding.�
�How�s the knee, Alex?�
�What are you wearing? You�re going to catch pneumonia. Dana, you don�t have any shoes on!�
�First of all, Dr. Logan, you don�t �catch� pneumonia.� She said, taking his hands. �Secondly, when did you become such a mother hen?�
�Was I clucking?� He asked, shaking from the cold.
�Big time.�
�I guess kids will do that to you. Dana?� They walked as quickly as they could throw the downpour.
She looked up at him.
�Please tell me there�s beer in your house. I haven�t had one in almost a year.�
�You need to ask?� She smiled.
�Corona?� He asked hopefully.
She shook her head. �Pacifico.�
�Even better.�
She grinned up at him. �You know what else I got?�
�Tell me hot, running water and some dry clothes and I may just bow down right here in the mud and worship you for the rest of my life.�
�There�s hot water, dry clothes.� She said. �Chips and salsa too.�
He grinned, quoting the Big Bopper. �Oh baby, you know what I like.�
***
They were both lying on the floor in front of the fireplace, facing each other, elbows propping them up, their chins in their hands.
Krycek had just come from the shower. He�d been in there forever. She�d knocked on the door to make sure he was okay.
�You ever coming out?�
�I�m basking.�
Scully had smiled to herself. She remembered when she�d been at her Mom�s house after coming home from being imprisoned. She must�ve stayed in the bath for an hour or so, letting the cool water drain before refilling it again.
She had already changed into a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt and had been brushing her hair in front of the fire, letting it dry. It was getting really long these days. It was nearly two in the morning when Krycek had come out and they�d sat down on the floor with a beer. An old Elvis Costello song was on the radio.
�You look tired.� She said to him.
He grinned. �I am.�
�You didn�t stop on the drive over, did you.� It was more of a statement than a question.
�I didn�t need to.�
�A drive across the country and you didn�t stop. How many hours was that?�
�I got no idea.�
She looked towards the kitchen. �You must be starving.�
�I�m too tired to eat.� He held his bottle towards her. �Beifall.�
�We�re not drinking Heinekein, Alex.� She hit her beer against his. �It�s Pacifico. Aclamaciones.�
He grinned before taking a long swallow of his beer. �Oh my God, that is so good.�
She giggled. �Drinking like that on an empty stomach? You�re going to get drunk.�
�That�s just fine.�
�Why don�t you go to sleep, Alex?�
�Because it�s been a long time, Dana.�
She smiled at him. �Almost three years.�
�I think sleep can wait for awhile.� He replied. �We haven�t talked in so long.�
�I know.� She said. �We used to talk all the time.�
�I could never get you to shut up.�
�The last time we talked was when we were arguing.� She said softly. �When you wanted to leave.�
�I didn�t want to leave.� He corrected her. �I just didn�t want to be in the way.�
She shook her head. �You weren�t.�
�You�re lying.� He grinned. �But I�ll ignore it for now.�
They fell silent again. Scully was reliving that whole chaotic Thanksgiving that happened years ago. That was the last time they�d actually had a constructive conversation of any kind. They had spun through emotions on the beach, and argued about it the next morning. Then she�d been taken. Then he�d been taken. Then they had busted him out; then they were both taken again.
And now finally, here they were.
�You know, Alex.� She said. �We never did finish that conversation.�
He met her eyes for a moment before speaking softly. �Do we really need to?�
A thousand images spun through her mind and she tried to smile after what seemed an eternity of silence between them. 'No.�
�And I was in the way.� Krycek smiled sadly. �If I hadn�t of been around back then, who knows how things would have turned out. Especially for you and Fox.�
She was silent, thinking, reflecting. Pondering. Dwelling.
His voice interrupted her sulking. �Fox did what he needed to.�
She raised her eyes to his and he continued.
�He did what he thought was right.� Krycek said. �He knew no harm would come to Cade. He�s in charge now. Other than our Father, but Fox has him wrapped around his finger.�
Scully didn�t reply. She had known that Mulder wouldn�t intentionally harm her, or her son. But she hadn�t quite known what to think. Especially after that mess at Marie�s house.
�It had been bad enough when he�d started talking about taking Cade.� Scully said softly. �But when you�d been shot, and he�d done nothing��
�He had injected me with Halcion when he�d knelt by my side.� Krycek said, his eyes were heavy. �That�s why I passed out so quickly.�
Scully nodded. �He did the same to me. Did you get a chance to talk to him?�
�He was there when I woke up.� Krycek said, running a hand through his hair. �I�m afraid I wasn�t very brotherly towards him. As a matter of fact, I was an asshole.�
�All that, for Cade.�
Krycek shook his head. �That wasn�t all.�
Scully took another drink of her beer, as if to steel herself from the bad news she could sense was coming.
�He went to Spender to ask what it would take to gain our freedom. Yours and mine.� Krycek looked into the fire for a moment. �He said he�d do whatever it took. So he agreed to join in the Syndicate.�
Scully closed her eyes. She had thought that�s what was coming, but it bothered her nonetheless. �Mulder always hated everything about that group. It�s who he�d always been trying to bring down.�
�On top of working with them to secure the vaccine, to fight against the Rebels and to trick the aliens, he had to supply Cade as well. All they needed was his blood, to map his DNA.�
�Good Lord.� She whispered. �Why didn�t he talk to me?�
�I should have listened to him.� Krycek said in response. �He was trying to tell me, but I wasn�t listening.�
�You were in no condition to think rationally, Alex.� She closed her eyes and rubbed a hand over her face. �I should have been the one to get a clue. I just wish he would have tried to talk to us about it first.�
�He probably didn�t think that we�d react with such hostility.� Krycek said softly. �He probably thought we�d trust him. That we�d follow his lead.�
�Well, damn.� She said, raising her voice a little. �We walk into his girlfriend�s house to find Cancer Man there. Everyone�s trying to get us to turn over Cade. Marie shoots you and Mulder does nothing. What did he expect?�
�Trust.� Krycek shook his head tiredly. �I don�t know. Everything had happened so quickly. I don�t think they had much time to plan. And he knew that if he had told us about the deal before getting there, that we would have freaked out and done God knows what. This way, at least he felt like he could have some control over the situation. He could make sure that we were taken care of, and that Cade was taken care of.�
�You were shot, Alex.�
�I was shot well. Marie knows how to shoot.� He grinned. �I was never in real danger. And once Mulder gave me the injection, I was fine. I was resting.�
�Oh my God.� Scully said, shaking her head. �Koskie had said something about Marie being the Inter-Service Pistol Champion for a few years at dinner a couple of weeks ago.�
�Mulder knew what he was doing. He had Marie ready, in case I decided to do what I did. You know how I get.� Krycek said, his eyes closed. �I can�t be angry with him for doing what he did. He thought it was right. And I guess it was. He saved us both. He was relieved when he realized it was going to work. He was relieved when he knocked me out.�
�Yes, I got relief from him too.� Scully said softly.
�Because he knew everything was going be fine after. Everything had worked out and he was in control.�
�And now he�s working with Spender.�
