By S.A.Spooky
Please go, Fox. Krycek pleaded with Mulder. Get her out of here.
Mulder was torn. He sadly took one last look at Krycek, then turned and walked away, holding Scully tightly in his arms. Scully didn�t say anything, didn�t look back, she didn�t even have her eyes open anymore. She was just letting Mulder guide her out.
Krycek watched as they walked away. He was trembling, tearing up, feeling his life drain away. He wasn't physically draining away; it was his emotional life that was slipping out of his grasp. The life where he had friends, a brother, a son and a family. It was gone.
Mulder and Scully passed through the door and it closed heavily behind them. A resounding slam announced to Krycek that yes, his life was over. Like the banging of a gavel, sentencing him to life in this horrible place. A life without his friends and family. Without his son.
Oh my God, what have I done, he thought. Please forgive me, Cade. Please forgive me.
Krycek could feel Scully reaching back to him, begging with him to not let this happen. I can�t leave you here, she kept saying.
Krycek couldn�t answer back. He felt in his heart that he would never leave this place again.
He knew they were outside now. They had reached the Ford Expedition. As Mulder turned the key and the car started up, �Lucy In The Sky With Diamond�s� blared from the speakers. Krycek remembered that he had been torturing Mulder with his infinite wisdom of the Fab Four.
�Listen to that imagery.� Krycek said. �How brilliant is that?�
�How brilliant do you have to be when you�re tripping on LSD?� Mulder had responded. �Tangerine tree�s and marmalade skies? John and Paul were dropping too many tabs.�
Had that just been an hour ago? Krycek wondered. It seemed like a lifetime away.
��Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain�Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies��
For the rest of their lives, all three of them would never be able to endure the song again.
Alex. Scully reached back to him again. I can�t do this. I can�t leave you here.
Krycek never answered back. The second he knew they were safely on the road and driving away, he shut his mind down.
�I think you made the right decision, Alex.� Cancer Man stood next to him, blowing smoke in his face. �If Agent Scully had stayed here much longer, I�m afraid she would have died.�
Krycek didn�t respond. How many wonderful moments did Dana miss out on the beginning of Cade�s life because she was trapped here? And now he had traded places with her and given away the rest. He thought of all the tests they were going to perform, all the tortures he was going to be subjected to. All the while, he�d be trying not to think of his son. How was Cade going to feel, being without a father?
Well, that�s not entirely true. Krycek thought. Fox will most definitely be around.
The years dragged out in front of him as he thought of all the birthday�s he would miss, all the scraped knees and running noses. All the things he�d wanted to show Cade. Teaching him to ride a bike, to surf, to play the piano. Krycek closed his eyes and hung his head.
Life suddenly seemed way too long to live.
***
The first thing Mulder did when they got out onto the highway was eject the St. Pepper�s CD and throw it into the back seat. He didn�t think he�d ever be able to listen to that damn song again.
Mulder kept glancing at Scully as she slept in the passenger seat on the way back to Maggie�s house, half expecting her to vanish in front of his eyes any second now. After driving away from the base, she had pretty much cried herself to sleep. He knew she had to be tired, both physically and emotionally. Leaving Krycek behind was hard enough on him; he couldn�t imagine how it must have felt to her.
�Mulder?� She had asked softly through her tears.
He looked over at her. �Yeah?�
Scully stared straight out through the windshield. �My child?�
Mulder suddenly realized that she had never even seen him. �Cade.�
�Cade.� She whispered. �Christopher Cade.�
�Yes.� Mulder said softly. �He wants to go by Cade. He told Krycek there were already too many kids named Chris.�
Scully put a shaking hand over her face and settled back into the chair, nestling against the door and resting her head against the window. Eventually she had fallen asleep, choosing not to talk about anything just yet.
Mulder put his hand on her leg, trying to offer some support. He was glad she was sleeping. He needed time to process. He had seen some really ugly days in his life, but he was sure that this was, without a doubt, the most hideous morning he had ever lived through.
Mulder learned that he had been working with the enemy all along, as Krycek had warned, part of some hideousness that had been responsible for Scully�s �death� all these years. Not five minutes later, his brother had murdered his ex-wife right in front of his eyes. He had slit her throat without hesitation, without regret, so angered at all that Scully had been subjected to.
Not only did he feel failure at having to leave Krycek behind with Cancer Man; Mulder was ashamed at his own uselessness during the whole fiasco. He usually wasn�t one to stand idly by and watch the scene unfold, but that�s pretty much how he had been for the past few hours. It was a good thing that Krycek had decided to make everyone�s decisions for them because with all the confusion that spun through Mulder�s head, they�d probably still be standing in there.
He was beginning to believe that Krycek had known exactly what was going to happen and had taken Mulder just to make sure that someone would get Scully out. Krycek had known that they would trade her for him. He had also known that Scully wouldn�t have left him there to rot away.
Mulder sighed to himself. Not like I just did.
He shook his head and moved onto another touchy subject. Two years and a month after her funeral, he�s bringing Scully back from the dead. How should they handle this one? What should they say? What should they do? Skinner, the Lone Gunmen, all of Scully�s friends and family, not to mention Scully�s son, all believed she was dead. Could he really just pull into Maggie�s driveway, pop out of the car and walk inside?
Loved Christmas dinner last week, Mrs. Scully. Oh, and by the way�
***
Scully felt herself climbing out of a foggy haze. Confusion dug its claws into her mind and held on. How long had she been unconscious? Where was she? Why was this pain winding through her skull? She raised her head up and winced as a horrible jolt sliced through her brain. She gave it a couple of minutes, then tried again. She was lying on a cot in a tiny room made entirely of metal. Steel, maybe. There were no windows. There was only a door, but no handle on the inside. It was like being in a can.
Scully tried to sit up, pausing halfway to fight off a wave a nausea. Where was she? She tried to calm down and began to sift through fragments of memories that were coming back to her�Bellefleur, Oregon�Mulder was gone�She had been in the hospital�A vegetarian caf� and Alex Krycek�Her hands flew down to her flat belly as she looked down. The baby.
She was flinging pumpkin innards all over the kitchen�Mulder giggling like a kid at the dinner table� Langly whipping up a batch of margarita�s�Krycek dancing around like a fool while the Red Hot Chile Pepper�s played on the radio�What the hell was going on?
Her Mom was staring at her with concern while she sat on the couch, feeling the baby move�Mulder hugging her on the beach under a full moon while she cried in confusion�Krycek staring sadly down at her in the morning sunrise, his surfboard tucked under his arm� The two of the arguing over her best interests as she stood in the doorway�What the hell?
The pain, cutting into her stomach�The fear of the tiny mind within her blasting into her head. Scully jerked. Oh my god, where was her baby?
She remembered Krycek leaping over the bed as she doubled over in pain. She remembered Mulder running out to call 911. She remembered being carried up the stairs and laid down on the couch. She remembered Mulder slapping Krycek hard across the face while her Mom and the Lone Gunmen stood behind the two of them�
She set her feet down on the cold, metal floor and waited for the dizzy feeling to pass.
Krycek had ridden with her to the hospital. He had been just about useless. He kept trying to reassure her, kept trying to soothe her and the baby. But all he managed to do was convey his own terror and helplessness. After a few minutes, he pulled his mind away and just held her hand like a normal person would.
She had been reaching out to Alex in the hospital, hoping that he would hear her. Something was wrong. She had sensed the deceit, sensed the evil in the operating room, even though she was only half-conscious.
�Why don�t we just take the child?� A female had hissed.
�We don�t know how strong it will be.� She recognized that voice and it made her shudder. �If we tell Krycek that they are both dead and he senses the child later, everything will go to hell. She has the anti-agent we need. That is enough for now.�
Alex, please help. She was reaching out to him, hoping he�d sense her fear. She could feel him trying to reach back, letting her know that he could hear her, that he was on his way. Scully tried to stay awake through the pain, but she was fading fast. She sensed people moving her way and opened her eyes to see Spender and Fowley looking down at her.
�Do you think she�ll make it?� Fowley asked.
�Just do what you need to in order to make sure that Krycek thinks she�s dead.� Spender blew out smoke and backed away. �And take care of the baby.�
Scully gathered what strength she had left and screamed Alex�s name with every ounce of her being.
�Scully!�
Mulder was shaking her leg and she jerked awake.
�What?� Scully was confused.
�You screamed.� Mulder said softly. �Almost made me run off the road.�
�Sorry.�
He eyed her with concern. �Bad dream?�
�Bad memory.� She replied while rubbing her face and gazing out the window. �We going to my Mom�s?�
�Yes.� Mulder said, turning right onto Maggie�s street. �Cade�s here.�
Scully looked out at Maggie�s house as they pulled to a stop in front of it. She whispered something intelligible.
�What, Scully?� He asked her.
She turned to look at Mulder, as she opened the door, her eyes wide, her face alive. �I can feel him.�
Mulder got out of the car and walked around as the front door opened and Cade ran out, Maggie not too far behind, trying to stop him.
Scully took a couple of steps then fell to her knees, unable to walk anymore at the sight of this beautiful, two year old boy that was running towards her, and Cade flew into her arms.
***
�He just kept telling me that you were coming.� Maggie said, her eyes red and swollen from the tear�s she�d shed. �He said that Alex was going to bring you home.�
They�d been sitting around the table for hours. Cade wouldn�t budge from her lap and she just hugged him, resting her head on top of his. Scully couldn�t respond to any question about where she�d been or what had happened. She was afraid that if she opened her mouth to speak, she�d find herself incapable of coherent speech. She was afraid she�d burst into tears all over again. Her Mom never directly asked about Alex, she just mentioned his name every now and then, hoping that one of them would elaborate. Neither of them did and that seemed bad news in itself.
�Daddy had to go with the bad man.� Cade said, looking at Maggie with his big, blue eyes. �Daddy had to go so Mommy could come home.�
Maggie looked between Mulder and Scully, looking confused. �What man?�
Cade looked at Mulder. �Daddy�s a good guy, not like that other man.�
Mulder was surprised to suddenly find himself on the verge of tears.
�What man?� Maggie asked again.
Neither of them responded and just stared at each other over Cade�s head.
�The smoking man.� Cade said, then turned to look up at Scully. �He�s a bad man, Mommy.�
�Yes.� Scully said softly against Cade�s head, her tears falling into his hair. �A very bad man.�
Scully woke the next morning and was confused to find herself in the guestroom of her mom�s house and not surrounded by steel. Not to mention her surprise at the little boy curled up next to her.
She smiled as she stared at him. At his face, his lips, his nose. He looked so much like Alex, but she could see herself too. She couldn�t believe he was hers. She couldn�t believe she was a mother. She couldn�t believe she had missed out on so much. His first words, his first step, his first birthday. Not to mention how much Cade had missed out on having a Mother. Now he was missing his father.
Cade opened his eyes and looked at her.
�Good morning.� Scully whispered, smiling at him.
�Good morning, Mommy.� He replied solemnly.
They stared at each other, Scully basking in the glow of her child�s love. Cade seemed sad, which she guessed wasn�t unusual for a boy who�d just lost his father. She backed her train of thought up. �Lost� seemed like such a permanent word.
�When is Daddy coming home?�
Scully hesitated and swallowed before answering. She hated the thought of what Krycek was going through right now and didn�t want to cry in front of Cade. �I don�t know, sweetheart.� She said softly.
�You can cry, Mommy.� Cade said, putting one of his small hands on her arm. �I miss him too.�
Tears hovered in her eyes and threatened to fall. She cleared her throat and attempted to push Krycek out of her mind for now. Any thought of him was destined for depression.
�Whaddaya say we go see what�s going on out there?� She asked, smiling at her son. �I can smell the coffee so I�m betting that Grandma�s up.�
They walked into the kitchen together to find Maggie and Mulder sitting at the kitchen table, having a cup of coffee. They both smiled brightly at her and Cade ran over to hop up Maggie�s lap.
�Morning, Sunshine.� Mulder leaned his head back to look at Scully as she affectionately ruffled his hair on her way by.
She gave her mom a quick kiss on the cheek before settling in a chair across from Mulder and smiling at him. �Got a cup of that for me, Mister?�
Mulder sighed and plodded towards the coffee maker, giving her a look over his shoulder. She smiled back at him before picking up a stack of pictures sitting in the middle of the table. They were of Christmas.
�Are these from last week?� She asked softly, looking at her mom.
Maggie and Mulder exchanged a look as he set a cup of coffee in front of Scully.
Family pictures. It was so odd to see Mulder, Krycek and Cade with her family.
Bill had that stupid Santa hat on like he did every year and Cade was sitting on his lap. Matthew and Cade, opening up presents together. Her Mom and Mulder, sitting side by side on the couch, laughing at something unseen. Krycek and Mulder, sitting on the fireplace, looking at each other, both leaning forward with their elbows on their knees. Mulder was saying something and Krycek was smiling back.
Scully stared at the picture for a long time, feeling ill. There was a whole life here that she�d been excluded from. A lot of times spent laughing and observing her little baby becoming a little boy. Times spent with a family she�d never really know because Alex was gone now. She didn�t know if she�d ever see the way that Cade and his father were together.
�I want to see all the pictures you have.� She said shakily.
�Of course, honey.� Maggie said. �We have lot�s of tapes too.�
Scully cleared her throat and spoke softly as Mulder put a hand over hers. �I want to see everything.�
***
Scully stayed with her Mom for another week before deciding she wanted to back to Newport Beach.
She knew her Mom was going to be upset about it. She could sometimes feel her Mom�s thoughts as clear as she could feel her own. Maggie loved having them there. Her house had been silent and filled with loneliness the past few years before Cade�s birth had brightened it up. Having Alex and Cade around had somewhat filled the void�s left by the death of her husband and two daughters. Now, she loved to watch her daughter and grandson interact with each other. She loved that Mulder was hanging around, spending time with the two of them, especially after his long absence over the past few years.
Scully could feel how concerned her Mom was for Alex. She assumed that her Mom had tried to fill the void left by her �death� with Krycek and Cade. Alex had probably done the same by spending all the time he could with Maggie and the rest of her family. Judging by the pictures that she had poured over and the tapes she had seen, they had all shared a lot of over the past couple of years.
The tape of Cade�s first birthday party had really upset her. Her family was there, Charlie and the Lone Gunmen, and Skinner had managed to show up, plus a handful of people she had never seen before. She hadn�t seen Mulder anywhere. Seeing that house, in a different time, when she was supposed to be dead and her son was celebrating his first birthday, cut her deeply. She had spent some of the happiest times of her life there, pregnant and waiting the arrival of her child and realizing how important it was to have friends and family.
She had learned of this �insane notion� Alex had in his head that life was too short to worry about what everyone else thought, that you should do what made you happy. After awhile, he had started to rub off on her, and she began to see a different Dana Scully. A Dana Scully that wasn�t concerned with proving herself to her family or friends or the FBI, a Scully that didn�t care if she lost control and let out an emotion every now and then. One that didn�t care that she really didn�t know how to dance but danced anyway.
One scene in particular had caused her distress and she didn�t know why. Whoever had the camera was out on the bottom deck of the beach house. Krycek and Skinner were grilling something on the barbecue and her Mom was standing next to them, holding Cade. �Me and Bobby McGee� by Janis Joplin was playing and all three of them were singing.
��Busted flat in Baton Rouge, waiting for a train�And I was feeling near as faded as my jeans�
Bobby thumbed a diesel down, just before it rained�And wrote a song on the way to New Orleans��
Scully stared at the television in silence. The surf crashed on the shore below, the sun was shining, even in late November, and surfers carved the waves in the distance. That had been her home for six months. It was horrible seeing it like this while she had been gone.
Her Mom was swaying back and forth to the music, smiling at Cade. Skinner was fighting with some vegetables on the grill, the smoke in his face causing his glasses to steam up. Krycek was leaning over to put his face close to Cade�s, causing the little boy to laugh and clap. And they were all singing.
��Freedom�s just another word for nothin� left to lose�And nothing, it ain�t nothin� honey if it ain�t free�Yeah, feelin� good was easy enough when he sang the blues�You know feelin� good was good enough for me�Good enough for me and my Bobby McGee��
Scully had run to the bathroom and thrown up her breakfast. She lowered the lid down and sat there on the floor with her face pressed against the cold plastic while thoughts spun through her mind.
She knew that she and Alex had wanted to raise Cade at the beach. They had wanted Cade to be raised differently then they had. A simple life, growing up with the carefree attitude that comes from living next to the ocean. They had wanted Cade to travel, to speak Italian, to see the Pyramid's, to play an instrument. They wanted him to do whatever he wanted. Not to be part of the complicated lives that the two of them had led, living their lives for everyone else and not for themselves.
Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, she had told Mulder that she was going back home.
�Georgetown?� Mulder had asked with surprise.
Scully shook her head, bracing herself for the unavoidable argument. �Newport Beach.�
Much to her surprise, Mulder nodded.
***
Scully eyed the house warily as they drove up the street. From the back seat of the car, Cade seemed somber. When Mulder pulled into the driveway, the three of them sat in silence. Sensing Scully�s discomfort, he took her hand and glanced over at her.
�You okay?�
Scully looked along the cobblestone walkway, remembering the first time she�d walked up it. This moment didn�t feel all that different from that time, over two years ago. She closed her eyes and released a breath before smiling over at him.
�I�m fine.�
�Of course you are.� Mulder smiled back before opening his door and climbing out of the car.
Scully turned to look at Cade in the back seat. �You ready to do this, sweetheart?�
Cade nodded back slowly, his face solemn. �Yes, Mommy.�
She smiled back at him for a moment, then unbuckled her seat belt and opened her door. �I don�t know if I am.� She said softly to herself. �I guess we�ll find out.�
They walked slowly up the driveway, Mulder was waiting for them and she silently thanked him again for bringing them out here. He had taken a day to run back to Washington DC and run some errands for her. He also took some time to ask Skinner for another week of vacation time. He didn�t say why. They had all decided to keep her return a secret for now while they poked and prodded and tried to figure out what was going on and what to do about it.
One of the errands she had asked Mulder to do was pay a visit to her attorney. He had returned from there with a certified letter that had been sent to her attorney from the offices of Edward, Davis and Thompson, one of the most reputable law offices in the country. She had read it sitting out on the back deck of her Mom�s house and remained silent for minutes. Mulder had asked her if she was okay, reached out and touched her shoulder, but she didn�t respond. He finally took the letter from her and read it himself. Apparently, a man by the name of Caleb Connor had signed his estate over to Dana Scully.
Caleb Connor was an author who wrote under a pseudonym, which remain disclosed, of course. He had made a substantial amount of money, was really quite wealthy. Had properties all over the world. A flat in London, a condo in Miami, a house in Seattle, a house on the beach in Balboa�
Alex Krycek had covered up the way he made his money very well.
Mulder had let his hand fall beside him, had dropped the letter and it fluttered to the ground. He looked across the lawn at Scully. He hadn�t even heard her get up and walk away. Krycek had definitely known he wasn�t coming back. He had known he�d be trading himself for Scully and he�d signed everything he had over to her before he did.
Mulder hated him all over again.
His hate for Krycek wasn�t spawned by his normal anger at the man. He hated Krycek for a number of reasons. One reason being because Mulder actually found himself liking him, when he was always so desperate to hate him. Scully, Skinner, even the Lone Gunmen had talked about how Krycek had changed. Krycek wasn�t evil; Krycek wasn�t a cold-blooded murderer. He had an uncanny sixth sense, he possessed unbelievable powers, he could speak every language, play every instrument, he could surf, he was Taoist, he danced, he didn�t care what everyone thought of him, he had a wonderful sense of humor, blah, blah, blah.
Mulder had never figured they�d actually be right and he�d be wrong. That was another reason he hated him.
Two years after Scully�s �death�, Mulder had sought him out, believing he was finally ready to set eyes on the man that had torn down the foundation of his beliefs. Mulder never figured he�d end up liking Krycek as much as he did. Then Krycek had found Scully, traded himself for her, and saved the day.
Another reason Mulder hated him. Not only had he saved the day like Mulder couldn�t, but he�d abandoned Mulder like everyone else in his life did. Just when he�d decided to let Krycek in, he left. What was the point in caring in the first place?
Mulder remembered back to the first time he�d made a valiant attempt to hang on to his hatred of Krycek. They had been out on the lower balcony at the beach house, just getting over a fit of laughter. They�d been suggesting various ways to get the Scully family to hate Krycek and really irritate Bill in the process. They had laughed together and had almost felt like friends.
�You know Mulder,� Krycek looked out over the ocean and took a drink of his beer. �You should have fun more often. You spend so much time working, running around chasing the bad guys, which may or may not be the bad guys, and you miss out on what�s most important.�
Mulder shrugged. �Depends on what you think is important. I think exposing heinous crimes against an innocent, American society is pretty important.�
�But you�re alienating everyone while you do it. You�re missing your life. You�re missing yourself.�
Mulder shook his head. �I believe that what I�m looking for will explain what I�ve been missing.�
Krycek looked at him closely. �I believe that what you�re missing is in that house, upstairs. You�re life is right in front of your eyes and you ignore it. You�re going to suddenly find yourself old and all alone and still chasing conspiracies.�
Mulder remained silent and Krycek turned to face him. �You know who you remind me of? Running around, never having time for anyone or anything else. Mindlessly dedicated on working for a cause that really has no meaning to anyone. You know who you�ll turn into if you�re not careful?�
Mulder stared back at Krycek, trying not to appear too concerned with what he was saying. �Who�s that?�
�Our father.�
That�s the biggest reason Mulder hated Krycek. Because he was always right.
Making people laugh was easy for Krycek, making friends was easy for Krycek; acting like a fool was easy for Krycek. How he got away with making idiocy a personable trait, Mulder would never know. All he knew was that everything was easy for Krycek.
�Mulder?� Scully asked.
�Huh?� Mulder was jolted out of his reverie.
She looked at him meaningfully. �What are you doing?�
One look at her face told Mulder she knew exactly what he�d been doing. That he�d been thinking about Krycek and how much he�d disliked him then. Back then? Maybe he still did. He gave a small shake of his head. �Nothing, I�m sorry.�
Scully looked at him strangely before turning her attention to Cade. He was looking back at Mulder oddly. She suddenly realized with horror that he could probably sense everything that Mulder was feeling.
�You okay, Sweetheart.� She asked him.
Cade nodded, frowning at Mulder. �Yes, Mommy.�
The kid�s lower lip was pouted out just like Scully�s was when she was unhappy with him. Mulder felt like an ass. Cade probably knew everything that went on in Mulder�s mind. He was special, after all. The son of Scully and Krycek, the new hope for the future�
A thought suddenly flew into Mulder�s head. A thought he�d never had before, something he�d never even realized. Cade was related to him.
Mulder suddenly began to view Cade in a whole new light.
He�d always thought of Cade as Scully�s son, as Krycek�s son. He�d never even entertained the thought that Cade was the son of his brother. Of course, in order for that to be true, he�d have to accept Krycek as his brother, which he hadn�t, and probably wouldn�t.
Mulder eyed the little boy a little more closely.
Cade held onto Scully�s hand as they walked into the foyer. She took a moment to survey the living room, the dining room�She was okay so far and decided to venture a bit deeper.
Mulder stayed a good distance behind, wanting to give them some space. Wanting to give himself space after his realization.
Scully frowned. Something was missing. A small question popped into her head. �Cade, honey?�
�Ashley has Stout.� Cade responded to a question she never voiced.
�The girl next door?� Scully asked softly and Cade nodded in response.
