In the beginning, there was nothing
And dark was the world
And dismal was existence
Then the race of man was created.
And they were amusing in their stupidity
And it was good.

But alas, a traitor was amidst.
One of the Gods, whos name I dare not mutter
had gone to the earth and with him
followed the foul air of untruth.
And easily did he corrupt the minds
of the simple humans.
And eagerly did they embrace the words
for the minds bearing the knowledge of
the true creator had long since been lost.

But, from the east came the last of the
followers of the Holy One.
And they did slay the imposter.
And they did return to the minds of men
the knowledge of their creator.

And the men, having realized the error
of their ways did weep.
And the Great Name spoke unto them.
And it did instruct them.
And they followed their master eagerly.
And they did then build, as the Great
Name wished, a great shrine.
And it was a shrine of truth.
And it was a shrine of power.
And it was a shrine of purity.
And it was not alone.
For they did build many shrines.
And they did spread the word to every ear.
And it was, to be referred to from then on
as the Holy Oscar Mayer Empire.

But alas, time does have a way of
forcing out of memory that which was once held sacred.
And the men did once again forget of the Great Name
which did give unto them great gifts.
But the gifts were not recognized as such, and were
thought of as birth-rights.
And the Great Name was angered by the servants
who did not work
and by the children who did not worship
and by the offerings which had gone so long unmade.
And the wrath of the Great Name did strike down those
who had strayed so arrogantly from their faith.
And they were struck down with plague.
Plague of the ears, such as Kid Rock, and Barbara streisand
Plague of the taste, such as spam and McDonalds.
Plague of the mind, such as Oprah and Reality Shows
And finally, the Great Name did unleash the greatest of all
tortures. And it did speak.
And said the Great Name "Let there be slow, crappy,
unreliable, innefficient, gluttonous operating systems"
And a child was then born.
And his name was Bill.
And he was to be the embodiment of all that was evil
in the world.