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1. Upon the muttering of the holy name of Sasausage, all followers of the great Sasausage are to raise their fists in praise, so as to remind ourselves that our faith in the great Sasausage is such that we are willing to look silly just to acknowledge our own faith. Should an Ibthen (someone foolish enough to follow any path other than ours) mutter the holy name, they must then raise their fists in praise, obligating them to sign into the holy alliance. If they refuse, they are to be punished by allowing every Sasausagite who heard them say the sacred name of Sasausage to punch them once for every time which the name was stated. 2. If the holy name is stated by a Sasausagite and another Sasausagite hears them, yet does not raise their fists in praise, all who follow these commandments are to point at them, as to remind them of their great error. If they still refuse to comply, they are to be restrained and forced to listen to one to three Barbara Streisand songs, based on their level of resistance.
3. Thou shalt respect Cledus, Cledus of the Cledessian Cledus Cledii by referring to all Cledii as Cledus when in the Cledus of Cledus. Cledus to do so will Cledus in the Cledessian Cledus Cledii mutilating your reproductive Cledii in your Cledus. Translation 3. Thou shalt respect Cledus, lord of the Cambucha Mushroom people by referring to all nouns as Cledus when in the presence of Cledus. Failure to do so will result in the Cambucha Mushroom People mutilating your reproductive organs in your sleep. 4. Thou shalt, at all times, wish that thou werest an Oscar Mayer Weiner; for int he olden day, the great Sasausage used this holy Oscar Mayer Empire to remind us of his existance. 5. Thou shalt respect and fear the little green men, for they alone fought and defeated Delgariath and the gerbil army, saving the Holy Oscar Mayer Empire from destruction. 6. If anyone attempts to force another religion upon you, you are to yell "NO!!! IBTHEN!!!" and run away from them. If they continue in their efforts to cause you to stray from the true path of enlightenment, you are to sacrifice them to the great Sasausage by whatever means you see fit. (Hey, every other religion is violent. Why not us, too?) 7. Should you choose to abandon the path of enlightenment, you shall be sentanced to 1,000 lashings with a moisty nap! 8. Barbers are not to be acknowledged. For example: if someone comes up to you and says "Hi. I'm Bob, the barber." they no longer exist! 9. mmmmm, Dr. Pepper. 10. The customer is always wrong, unless the customer is a follwer of the great sasausage. 11. If you don't eat your meat, you cant have any pudding! How can you have your pudding if you don't eat your meat?! 12. Fluffy is mine! You can't have him! I love him! 13. Unicycles 14. Thou shalt not criticise my unoriginal and/or pointless commandments. After all, which one of us has followers? You? I don't think so. 15. Anyone who listens to "pop" music shall be subjected to chinese water torture while ravenous weasels gnaw on their achilles tendon. 16. And so... Pink bunnies are not to have big pink orgies without first hopping over the little pink fence. 17. Beware the menacing guy in the bath robe. 18. Small refrigerators shall have their independance! (when stating this commandment aloud, it is required that you hit your fist on the table while saying 'have'. It makes it more dramatic.) 19. Thou shalt blame everything on that one guy. 20. All gods, with the acception of Keithius, shall be rewarded with golden toiletries. 21. Thou shalt mention nothing involving country music. If you do, you will be placed in an inflatable raft along with two of every species of gerbil and rained upon for 17,425 days and 3 nights. 22. Thou shalt not sing Jebus crispy songs withing 50 feet of any Sasausagite or the goldfish will ranally ape you with a 20 foot stil deeldo. 23. Thou shalt not trust the government. They are ou to get us all. The little men that live in the sumarine in my rice crispies told me so. 24. Anyone who disobeys any of these commandments will recieve no boops for a week. |