The Book of Mightily ---]

In times long past, the Ibthen hordes had a leadership, shaky though it was. In that time, they were very nearly as we are now--relatively few in number, but holding a tenacity all their own. However, as the Holy Scriptures do tell, they were of a different sort than ourselves; for, in their stray from the Path of Enlightenment, they had gained dark, demonic powers of the Nameless One, heretofore mentioned under the ominous name of "Ballpark". Ballpark's magicks gave strenght to the Ibthens, and using this foul perversion's power, they strove against the 4 Fathers of the Western Cledo-Sasausagites--Cledus, Ywinthrop, Gandalf, and an enigmatic soul known as Brimkell Malhavoc.

Cledus, Strong Cledus of the Cledessian Cledii, was an amazing Cledusfighter. Ywinthrop, too, was very skilled with blades. Gandalf was a reknowned mage and user of Oscar Mayer-magicks, and Brimkell...well, let us simply say that it is strongly believed that the one known as Brimkell Malhavoc was an avatar of Earliscius, and leave such alone for now.

And so it happened that the 4 Fathers traversed the Great Sandy Waste, named so because it was Great in size, filled with Sand, and, indeed, a Waste of land. I mean, come on. Who in the hell puts a DESERT in the middle of fucking NOWHERE?! It makes no fucking sense, I'm serious. But, since it is a creation of the Great One, it is not our place to question His Will, no matter how senseless it may seem. (Though I would wish to note here that sometimes Our God has been given to flights of fancy in Tequila-driven fits of idiocy, just look at the oddities of the world--the Mona Lisa, Canada, and the election of George W. Bush.)

Where were we? Ah, yes, the Great Sandy Waste. The 4 Fathers were in the process of crossing this senseless Waste, when Ywinthrop--known far and wide for having Eyes like a Giraffe, and a Neck to match--caught a glimpse of a great Sandstorm moving their way. The 4 found shelter within an old abandoned Kwik-E-Mart and decided to wait out the storm, then proceed upon their pilgrimage. However, it was soon found that it was indeed not a storm of Sand or even Wind, but a storm bringing a Scourge.

This storm, my friends, was created by diseased Ballpark magicks, and heralded the arrival of the Ibthen Horde of the West. Only through the quick senses of Gandalf were our Fathers spared from total annihilation, as he picked upon the foul magick before it was upon them.

But, alas, being on a pilgrimage of piece, the Fathers had none of their weapons--only the tools of Piece, their penii. Determined, Brimkell stood upon the counter and grasped his testicles in one hand, proceeding to swing them about, calling furiously for the Ibthen to come, and that he would fight them all to the death. Thusly inspired, the rest grasped their testicles, too, and charged out of the Kwik-E-Mart to do battle.

The battle lasted for a full 4F days, according to the old Codes of the time, instated by one named Hexa Dicimel. During the fighting, Brimkell was separated from the rest of the Fathers, and never heard from again. Gandalf, too, was sent spiralling away, rumored to have been found, years later, in a land called Middle Earth, with some pissant pussy halfling named Frodo. And Ywinthrop, Brave Ywinthrop, found himself dead from the start, having swung his testicles too hard, and too fast, and wound them about his lengthy neck, choking himself to death.

Only Cledus survived to tell the tale and establish the Western Cledo-Sasausagites, and end the Ibthen control over the West. Due to the great knowledge of the Cledessian HolyCledus, irrigation channels were made from the Ibthen horde's blood, and the people grew enough Twinkies and Ding-Dongs to keep themselves well-fed, allowing them to prosper greatly, until the time of the Great War, in which Tyme led the Ibthens in another assualt...but that is another story.

Et En Sasausage,
(Raise Hands)

By Benus