August 25, 2006
I still think it's stupid. If it's someone you could potentially care about then why push yourself away? But what am I doing right now? I'm supposed to like you but... well, the conversation speaks for itself. I'll admit that it hurt. That's cruel, especially when I suspect that you know everything... what are you trying to do? It was so cruel, and it really hurt... are you trying to test my endurance? I can be strong to, you know. And ignorant. That's why I need to tell you this to my face. So you get it. I want to be rejected flat out; it's better than putting up with this. Don't get me wrong, we'll still be good friends. If anything, I don't want to lose our friendship too. It's very precious to me. I can't help but feel jealous of her too. Thoghts like "why did we go to this bonfire?" ran through my mind. And everything just hurts. I can't stress any more how painful that conversation was. In fact, things just haven't been going well for me. For someone who's had such a good life before... has my luck finally run out? Whatever the case, I must keep on living though... and work hard! I can't live off luck for the rest of my life! I'm not a child anymore! I don't want to give up so easily! I recognized that we were already playing that game again and stopped. Isn't it amazing? It makes me feel like I've matured... which could be too much to hope for. I want to become a better person! I want to be mature! I'll do what I can. Back to the conversation, I'll justify my actions by saying that it's because I care about you... but when does caring go too far? When it hurts myself... for you? But I can't be selfish. If I really care, then I can let you go, right? I can't be selfish and see you unhappy. If that's the case, then go with someone who'll make you happy. I guess I'm still being selfish. Maybe I think that by doing this, I'll be doing something courageous. I'm sacrificing myself for you. That might be the case, but at least you'll be happy in the end, right? I want you to realize that although it's important to be in control, it's important to have emotions too... because without our emotions, what kind of life would we lead? Isn't it okay to not be in control sometimes? Does crying while writing this make me selfish?
Memories of 11th grade
JANUARY 16TH
"Excuse me, I'm a dork. Can you tell me how to get to the bear jail?"
FEBRUARY 18TH
Me: Chao baa yaa! [hello old lady!]
Dan: Tu madre! [Your mom!]
Dan obviously had no idea what I was saying XD
What else was funny today? Oh yes, from Spanish:
Snr. Johnston: Cuando comere, Francisco? [when are you going to eat, Francisco?]
Vadim: Cuando... duche [While taking a shower]
And this one with Lindsey:
Snr Johnston: Cuando me dare regalos, Isabel? [When will you give me presents, Isabel?]
Lindsey: ummmm... ummm... Comida para los gatos.... y.... ummmm... [...cat food and...]
Snr Johnston: Si, obviamente, pobre Isabel es un drogadicto. [Yes, obviously, poor Isabel is a drug addict]
MARCH 12TH
Conversation of the day [Yesterday]:Dan: Nancy, I got suspended.
Me and Nance: **shocked** Why?!
Dan: **flexing his muscles** For bringing these guns to school!!!
MARCH 18TH
"Dan! Stop molestabaing me!"-Carol
"No, Satan broke up with Wells a long time ago."-Jess [just so you know, those are code names]
"Y los dos muchachas estaban acampando en la lluvia cuando un muchacho llego con una paraguas y les dio cafe... que romantico!" -Evelyn and I talking about the picture in Spanish
"Awww, Jenni's so soft! I'm going to call her Cloud..."-Cat
"I only want to go to a UC so that I can look smarter than my relatives [who went to CSUs]"- Melon [such pure motives :D]
APRIL 22ND
Joe [to Lindsey]: Do you want to die?
Lindsey: Ahhhhhh, huhhhhh... why does everyone keep saying that to me?!
AND
[In Spanish] "If you could have any domestic animal, what would it be and why?"
Vadim: Elephant
Snr. Johnston: Francisco, un elefante no es un animal domestico.
Vadim: >:-O it is in AFRICA.
MAY 22ND
Me: Lindsey! Want come food buy?
Nancy: Oh my gosh, you're such a fob.
Me: Yeah? Well, I get it from YOU.
Nancy: I would argue if it wasn't so true