His sun-kissed skin shimmered in the twilight. His strawberry-blonde hair swept across his tall forehead. Christopher looked deep into my very soul and essence with those rich, brown eyes. I rested my pale hand on the smooth, bronzed skin of his cheek. He held me ever so gently in his comforting arms, slowly swaying back and forth. I could feel the warmth from his body against mine, and yet I shivered as the salty sea breeze teased tassels of my hair. I leaned my head against his chest. His heart was beating furiously, and it kept beat with my own. I looked into his face, trying to find an explanation of why he was doing this. I found him expressionless. I felt the hot tears well up in my eyes, blurring my vision. I dropped my head as the first tear spilled onto my cheek. Neither of us spoke. He then lifted my chin carefully, so that he could gaze upon my face. I watched his lips tremble slightly, and I looked into his eyes. He was now filled with heartbreaking expression. I saw a deep sadness clouding those beautiful, passionate eyes, and underneath his melancholy, I could detect a profound fear. He took my face gently in his warm, weathered hands, softly kissing my cheek, then my lips. His kisses had never felt so wonderful, yet I let another tear slip down my face. He gathered me in his arms, protecting and concealing me from the world. I felt at peace in this favorite place of mine. Here, wrapped up in his warm loving arms. He rested his chin on top of my copper hair. He spoke quietly, trying to mask the sadness consuming his voice. Although sadness tried to bury his courage, his face lit up with hope. He looked like an angel in that moment, as the sunlight outlined his face, silhouetting his strong jaw.
He said, "I will always come for you, Raven. Always. Wait for me."
I lifted my head again and nodded. I smiled weakly, for I knew he spoke the truth, but at the time, his sweet words did not bring comfort. He didn�t kiss me again because he and I both knew that if he did, we would never let go of each other. I encircled his waist with my skinny arms, barely reaching his spine. I didn�t cry, and I didn�t say a word. I wanted so much to tell him that I loved him, but it would only make it harder for him. He must leave me, though I didn�t know why. He silently disentangled my arms from his waist, and he backed away a few steps, still holding my hand. We stood there looking at each other, as he decided if he really could leave without his heart shattering. My own heart was already wrenching with pain. He finally let my hand slip from his grasp, and he turned around and walked away, without saying a word.
I don�t know how I kept from going into a desperate rage of tears, but my black eyes held everything in and blocked out every emotion, and at times, even sight. I just stood there, staring after Christopher, even after he had disappeared. I couldn�t believe that he was gone. He left me. The only person I had ever truly loved had abandoned me. At this realization, my heart froze and stopped beating in my trembling chest. I had never felt so cold. My sadness, fears, and all emotions became locked up inside of me like a cold, unbreakable stone.
I spent most of the next three months alone, sitting in that same spot on the quiet beach where Christopher had chosen a greater destiny over me. I hadn�t cried since the night he left, and I had lost complete hope of him ever returning to my open arms. I gazed off distantly, not focusing clearly on anything, seeing just a blur of colors as the sun lowered in the sky for the moon�s parade of glowing eeriness. No thoughts interrupted my mind during these times. I just sat; sitting and staring off into the horizon.
School wasn�t going so great, and I really didn�t care. Mom was too busy to notice my �D� average. My teachers were the ones who were disappointed in my school performance. I never paid attention in my classes, but I always showed up for class. I just stared off into space. I didn�t even hang out with my friends anymore. Carolynn, my ultimate girlfriend, would call at least once a week to check up on me. She�d invite me to movies and parties out of pity, but I knew she thought I was on drugs, that or crazy. She would say softly, "You know, Raven, there�s still plenty of time to get you help. Perhaps you can even salvage your grades and high school career, if we can get you into a program."
I would grunt, say �goodbye�, and hang up the phone.
Mom didn�t suspect anything was up because she was almost never home. She had to be in court almost every day for about nine weeks to assist the attorneys at her firm. She prepared cases, witnesses, and prepped the lawyers, and she always attended trial for those cases she organized. When she was around the house, I was usually working my after-school job at Shirley�s Cafe, where I waitress.
One morning, I called in sick to work, and I walked to that little cove in the beach to watch the optimistic sun rise and illuminate the California valley. Its blissful head crowned the verdant hills near the horizon as I sat down on a sandy bank. The sun ascended above the skyscrapers, and I could see the entire city outline in the east. I laid down and let my body absorb the idyllic rays.
I heard someone approaching me on the walk. I closed my eyes and tried to be inconspicuous, which was quite impossible, considering I was the only person on the beach at this hour.
"Excuse me, miss?" the young man said.
I opened my eyes, exasperated.
"Oh, I...uh...didn�t mean to bother you, but I can�t seem to find this address. Could you point me in the right direction?" he said, glancing at the piece of paper in his hand. He sounded quite bold and not at all embarrassed. He was just lost.
I sighed, and turned my head toward him, shading my eyes from the sunlight. At first, I thought it was Christopher. At a second glance, he was just a boy who resembled him. He was slightly taller than him, but he had the same blonde hair. His eyes were blue, though, contrasting to my Christopher.
"What address are you looking for?" I replied, annoyed, as I tied my waist-length mess of curls behind my back at the nape of my neck.
"Um," he said as he glanced at his paper again, "Virginia Chase; 186 Ashley Boulevard, apartment 63B." He glanced at me, and then averted his gaze back to his paper.
My jaw nearly hit the ground. I tried to quickly regain my composure, but I stammered, unsuccessful.
"Uh...yes. Virginia is my-uh-mother."
"Really!" he exclaimed.
"Yes."
"Then you must be Raven?" he said offering his hand to me.
"Yeah," I said quickly, without shaking his hand. "Who are you?"
I was starting to get nervous that he was just some kind of psycho stalker out to kill me.
"Oh! I�m sorry. My name is Josh Baker. Virginia and my mom were roommates in college. My aunt in Oregon is sick, and my mom flew up to care for her. Virginia said I could stay with you guys for a week or two." He smiled briefly.
The muscles around my mouth tensed, and I found myself smiling uncontrollably. The combination of this Josh Baker�s dazzling white teeth and boyish good-looks made his timid smiles contagious.
I wasn�t sure how to react. It was quiet for a few seconds. Then I stood up.
"Come on. I�ll show you where we live." I smiled awkwardly, taking the lead.
We were quiet almost the whole way home, until I couldn�t take the silence any longer. I had to break the monotony of this awkward circumstance.
"Well, I hope your aunt gets well soon. What�s wrong with her?"
"Actually, I don�t think she is going to get better," Josh replied grimly.
He continued, "She has leukemia, and I think the doctors gave her a month to live. My mom wants to be there for her. You know, make her happy and comfortable." He smiled sadly.
"I�m so sorry," I whispered.
"Oh, don�t worry about it. All of us die some day, right?"
"Yes, I suppose so, but doesn�t it make you sad?"
"Of course! But I�m not going to let it run my life." He said sardonically.
Finally, we reached my apartment building. I took a deep breath to gather my courage, so I could speak again.
"This is where I live. On the second floor," I said quietly. He glanced up at the 15-story apartment complex.
"I�m glad it�s only two floors. Shall we?" he asked cheerfully, smiling once again.
"Yeah."
We took the elevator up, and we stood silently together in the dim light. As the elevator chimed, I looked into the reflective walls of the elevator and saw how short I was compared to Josh. I frowned at myself. Why couldn�t I be taller? Josh glanced at me.
"What�s the matter?" he asked.
"What? Oh, nothing." I replied, still frowning.
The elevator bell chimed a second time, and the doors opened slowly. Josh walked out ahead of me.
"Left," I shouted.
I watched him turn around and go left. He glanced at his paper to check the number of our apartment again. When he reached the right number, he turned toward me and smiled, leaning against the wall. I unlocked the two deadbolts and opened the door, ushering Josh in. I quickly relocked both deadbolts and chained the door.
"Uh, my mom probably won�t get home till late. Probably around ten-ish. We�ll be on our own for dinner. Oh, you can stay on the couch until I make up the spare bedroom. I�ll do that tomorrow; then you can unpack. For now, put your bags in my room."
"Oh, I didn�t bring any bags. I figured I go shopping when I got here."
"Okay. Well, I�ll give the grand tour. It shouldn�t take long. Then we can go shopping today, if you want. And we can grab a bite to eat while we�re out."
Josh nodded as he looked at one of the wall-hangings.
"Well, I�m going to go change, and then we�ll walk over to the mall."
At that I ducked into my bedroom, and changed into some trendy cutoffs, a cotton tank, and my running shoes. I moussed my wild chestnut curls to keep them from frizzing. Then I grabbed my purse and took out 50 dollars. I walked out to the living room where Josh was wandering around. I watched him inspect several photos of myself when I was younger, and then I finally decided to speak.
"Did you bring any cash?" I asked.
"Uh, a few dollars," he replied.
When he said a �few dollars�, I figured that that was what he had brought, so I went back to my room and sighed as I grabbed another 50 dollars from my purse.
"Okay. I�ll show you where everything is generally located, and then we�ll get going."
I led him to the obvious areas, such as the living room, bathroom, kitchen, the spare room, Mom�s room, and of course, my own room. I didn�t go into great detail of where anything was kept, though.
"There. If you have questions about where something specific is, just ask. Let�s go," I said, grabbing a light sweater.
I once again took the lead, as we walked down Ashley Boulevard toward the mall. Josh made small talk, like how the weather was different from where he lived and how much more traffic there was here. I nodded and said �oh� every once in a while, but I really wasn�t listening to him.
When we reached the entrance to the mall, I turned to Josh, asking, "Did you want to wander around and look?"
"Can you come with me and show me what�s in-style here?" he replied.
"Okay," I said.
I actually wanted to stick by Josh, and I was quite cheerful company. But most girls are when they go shopping. I picked out some ever-popular cargo pants, several pairs of shorts, and about a dozen fashionable tee-shirts and tanks for him. He also picked up some swim trunks. As he tried his clothes on, I roamed around in the bathing suit department, trying to find a cute suit for the summer. I made Josh show me all the clothes he was planning on buying, so that I knew they looked decent on him. Surprisingly, everything looked great on him. As Josh was heading to the checkout, he caught me browsing in the swim suits.
"Ah, want some help? I�m an excellent fashion advisor on suits, Raven." He grinned slyly.
"Um, I think I�ll look another time," I said shyly.
"Nonsense! Let�s see here. We�ve got basic one-piece styles, tankinis, bikinis, and the ever-popular boy-short/tank combo. What�s your style?"
"I guess...well...it doesn�t really matter."
"So let�s just try on a few."
"Oh...I don�t really feel like..."
"Come on; be a sport. I let you dress me up. I played the part of your doll. It�s your turn." He smiled again, but this time it was a sweet, innocent smile.
"Oh, okay," I replied, throwing my hands up in the air.
"Great! I�ll pick out a few, and you can start trying them on."
Josh went over to the first rack of suits and pulled out some practical one-pieces, a couple bright bikinis, and one orange and blue tankini. He shoved the bathing suits into my arms, and closed the changing room door on me.
I dropped the heap in my arms to the floor, and started trying the one-pieces on.
"Uh...do you want to see them?" I asked hesitantly.
"Absolutely. Otherwise, how can we make an educated decision?"
I opened the door a crack and peered outside to make sure there weren�t any other people around. I stepped outside and looked at myself in the mirror. I frowned.
"I don�t know. What do you think?" I said to Josh.
He walked over to me.
"Turn around. Hmmm. Well, do you want to make a statement, be modest, or get as much of your body tanned as possible? This suit is extremely modest, and it may be too dark a color for your complexion."
I shrugged.
"I guess I want to tan as much as possible, but still be discreet."
"Okay. There�s a start. Skip the one-pieces. Go to the tankini."
I went back into the dressing room and tried the tankini on. I stepped out, and I looked into the mirror.
"Yuck! I look fat!" I exclaimed.
Josh chuckled, "Yeah, orange is definitely not your color. Next!"
I then tried on each of the bikinis. I modeled each one for Josh, but he didn�t like any of them.
"What about the boy-shorts?" I said, losing hope of ever finding a suit.
"No. Don�t hide the legs. Why hide the sexiest part of the body?"
A heavy pink rose to my cheeks, and I turned away from Josh.
"I�m thinking bikini, but these just don�t seem to accentuate your features."
We looked through every single bathing suit in the store, with no luck. Then a bright pink bikini with small golden pineapples caught my eye. As Josh continued to rummage through the suits, I returned to the dressing room. I put the suit on and came out of the room to look at myself in the mirror. I smiled as I turned around. It fit perfectly and I loved it. I glanced up to find Josh, and I found him staring at me, unable to speak.
"So? What do you think?" I asked him as I twirled around for him, modesty forgotten.
He stammered, "Well...it�s uh...it�s...perfect."
I smiled, "Thank you."
I went back and changed, and then we paid for our things. As the cashier rang up the total, Josh pulled some bills from his back pocket.
"Oh," I said, "Allow me, please."
He smiled his appreciation, and I handed the teller the money. Then we picked up our bags, seven in total, and went to get something to eat.
We laughed all the way down the walk, until I stopped and asked, "What do you want to eat. I only have seven dollars left, so make it cheap."
Josh laughed and replied, "I�ll buy dinner."
"Okay, but it�s not cheap buying food downtown like this."
He shrugged. We continued to walk down the boulevard. He finally stopped at a small, charming restaurant that had tables set up romantically right on the walk. A string quartet was set up by the restaurant as well, providing beautiful music. We sat at one of the tables, and a waiter came up immediately and handed us each a menu, welcoming us to �Italy�. I smiled at the waiter. He left us to decide on which pasta dish we would like. I looked up at the sky and watched the sun sink into a red haze; the same sun I had watched rise that morning. I sighed with satisfaction.
"Thank you," I said quietly to Josh, "This is one of the best days I�ve had in a long, long time."
The waiter came back to take our orders. We ordered a fettuccini pasta with a creamy alfredo sauce and a salad with a medley of vinaigrettes and vegetables, both to share, considering we had little money left. As the sky darkened, a waiter went around to each table, lighting a small candle. The candle�s glow provided a romantic atmosphere, but it was not uncomfortable. This was nice, and I was in a dreamy state. When we were finished eating, it was well past nine o�clock.
"We better get home," I said.
"Yeah. You were right, Raven. This was fun," Josh said, and he gave one of his intoxicating smiles again.
We gathered our things and walked back to the apartment slowly. When we walked into the lobby, the clerk, Nancy, greeted us. I smiled sweetly, and we recited our courtesies. We walked into the elevator, and Josh pushed the button for the fifteenth floor. I looked at him, furrowing my brow.
"I thought your mom would be home by now, and then I wouldn�t be able to do this," Josh said gently.
He stepped toward me and kissed me sweetly as he gathered me in his arms. We stood there kissing until the bell chimed for the fifteenth time and the elevator doors opened, and an older couple stared at us unbelievably. We stared back breathlessly and couldn�t find our voices. They walked away from the elevator, after a few gasps and casting disapproving looks at us. When they were out of sight, Josh and I both started laughing uncontrollably.
"I thought that old guy was going to have a heart attack," I said between gasping laughter.
"Yeah, they got a shock, I�d say," Josh said, just as breathlessly as me.
Josh pushed the button for the second floor, and we started to descend, our romantic moment was over. Now we were just two friends goofing around. We walked to my apartment. I unlocked it, and when I walked in, Mom greeted me with quick glance and a motherly speech.
"Did you eat supper? I hope you didn�t leave your bra on the bathroom floor again. I wish you�d put them in the hamper..."
She went on and on, as my eyes pleaded with her to be quiet. She finally noticed Josh standing behind on.
"Oh...I�m sorry. Who�s this handsome young man?" she asked obnoxiously.
"Mom, this is Josh Baker. You talked to his mother about him staying with us while she cared for his aunt in Oregon. Remember?"
"Josh...oh, oh yes! Josh, Josh Baker! I haven�t seen you in forever! My! You look just like your father. How remarkable! Well, how long have you been in, Josh?"
"I got in this morning. And don�t worry, Raven�s taken good care of me, ma�am," he replied.
"Well, good. Raven, dear, will you prepare the guest room for Josh?"
"I will, Mom, tomorrow. He�s going to sleep on the sofa tonight, and I�ll fix the room up in the morning."
"Okay, then, Raven. As long as it gets done. Oh, honey, I won�t be around tomorrow, either. I�ll be in court, and then I have to prepare some witnesses, so I won�t be home until closer to eleven."
"Okay, Mom. I�m going to bed now. Josh and I are going to get up early, so we can go to the beach. We�ll take a fairy out to that island, maybe grab a bite to eat. So good night, Mom. Josh."
"Good night, Raven. I think I�ll retire also, ma�am. Sounds like we have a big day ahead of us."
"Oh, yes. Of course, dear. See you two in the morning."
I didn�t go to sleep right away that night. I couldn�t stop thinking about what had happened in the elevator between Josh and I. I wasn�t even sure if I had liked it. Well, of course, I had, but I felt guilty. I was supposed to wait for Christopher, and now, I had betrayed him. What was I supposed to do now? I decided that I would just enjoy being with Josh, without kissing him anymore.
I woke up at seven the next morning. The TV set was talking insistently in the living room, and appetizing smells greeted my nose. I raked my fingers through my curly hair and tied it back and put a robe on before wandering to the kitchen. Josh was laughing quietly, so I stopped in the hallway and peered around the corner: Josh was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, and he was watching morning cartoons . I smiled to myself, and thought "He is still just a boy."
I walked into the kitchen, grabbing a small glass from the cupboard.
"Morning, Sunshine! I�m not finished with breakfast yet. Why don�t you go sit down and watch some news or something? Oh...you can change the channel," Josh said, as his face flushed with embarrassment.
"Okay," I said. I poured some orange juice into the glass and turned to the living room. I felt bad turning the channel, so I sat down and watched the silly cartoons, laughing once in a while to make him feel better about his childish habits.
When breakfast was ready, Josh set the table elaborately with food, accenting it with a single daisy in the center. Then he came to the living room, bowing awkwardly and offering me his hand. I took it, as he pulled me up from the couch and led me to the table. I gasped as I saw the stunning layout.
"Shall I wake mom?" I said quietly.
"Uh, she already left for work. She didn�t want to wake you, so she just left."
"Okay, so it�s just us, again." I said with a short smile.
"Yeah, I guess so," he replied, returning my smile with a hopeful grin.
He pulled my seat out for me, like a mock gentleman. Then he served each dish to me individually. He presented me with eggs benedict, toast (lightly buttered), sausage, bacon, waffles, strawberries, blueberries, orange juice (freshly squeezed), and coffee. I as much as I could because this was the best-tasting food I had ever had. I didn�t eat much of anything except for fast and frozen food.
"This food is absolutely wonderful, Josh. Where did you learn to cook like this?" I asked between bites.
"My mom is a chef. She runs a very productive restaurant called �Margot�s� back home. She�s taught me a thing or two about cooking," he said, smiling proudly.
"Well, this is absolutely magnificent!" I exclaimed.
After we were both finished eating, Josh helped me with the dishes. We washed each dish and placed it in the cupboard before we started to get ready for the day.
"Well, now," I said, "we have a very full schedule today, so I�ll lay it out for you. I wanted to take you to the bay, where we could hop a ferry to the small island. When we get to the island, we can rent scuba gear for a couple of hours. Then we�ll go to the fair on the island. You know, go on some rides, eat some lunch, play some games. After the fair, we�ll come back, and probably still have a few hours of sunlight left, so I figured we�d hit the beach, catch some rays, maybe even some waves. It�ll be fun!" I said enthusiastically.
"Well, seems like we have a very full day ahead of us. But you know, I am staying for a few weeks. We don�t have to cram everything into one day."
"Oh, Josh, there is a ton of stuff to do here, and if we want to get it all done, the days will be that full for two weeks," I replied smiling broadly.
"Oh" was all Josh could say.
"I�m going to shower, and then we�ll get going."
"Okay, I�ll just check on the weather, and make sure it�s going to be cooperative."
"Okay," I said, and at that, I went to my room to pick out some clothes.
When I reached my room, I closed the door, turned on my stereo, and flung my closet door open. I threw pretty much all my clothes on the floor, as I looked in vain to find something cute, yet sexy to wear. After about thirty minutes, I finally settled on some light denim shorts, a pink crop-top and my new bikini underneath.
I wandered to the bathroom, to take a shower and shave my legs. I turned the faucet on and let the tub fill up, adding some coconut scented bubbles. I pinned my messy hair up to keep it out of my face. After retrieving a new razor blade from my bedroom, I slipped into the tub, trying to get ready as quickly as possible because I didn�t want to keep Josh waiting out there for too long.
I gently ran the razor over my pale legs in every direction, making sure not to miss any hair. When I was finished with that tedious task, I drained the tub and turned the shower on so that I could wash my hair. I washed my chestnut tresses with a watermelon blend shampoo, so that it would shine and keep its intoxicating scent all day long. I rinsed the lather out of my hair, then tending to my face, washing it with peach scrub with natural extracts. This was my favorite face treatment to use because it made my skin so soft, smooth, shiny, and healthy-looking.
I then turned the shower off and stepped out onto the cool tile flooring and wrapped a towel around my body. I proceeded my daily ritual by rubbing a soothing fruit oil on my legs, caressing my body with a coconut lotion, brushing my teeth, combing and moussing my hair, and I was about to apply my makeup when I decided to see how hot is was going to be.
I stuck my head out the bathroom door and shouted down the hall, "Josh? What�s the outlook for the weather looking like?"
"Uh, it�s gonna be hot, about 93 degrees, and it may rain later this afternoon," he shouted back.
"Oh, okay. Thanks," I said as I re-entered the bathroom and shut the door.
I put some peach-colored lip gloss on my lips, a light shine-free powder on my entire face, and a little mascara on my lashes. It was going to be way too hot to wear anything else. I dressed quickly in my suit, shorts, and shirt, and put some slip-on sneakers on to complete the outfit. I walked out of the bathroom, pulling my hair back in a tie. I went to my bedroom, checked my wallet for money, and stuffed it in the back pocket of my shorts.
"Ready?" I asked as I walked into the living room.
Josh was already dressed, looking like a genuine Cali guy. I smiled.
"Yep," he said as he stood up.
"Great. I just have to grab my keys, and then we can go."
I picked my keys up off the kitchen counter as we walked towards the door, and we exited the building, heading for my beach.
Josh and I walked down the boulevard lazily, just talking, laughing, and soaking up the sun. The street was busy with the morning traffic, and we nearly got run over by crazed drivers twice. The drivers swore at us, frustrated. We�d wave and smile sweetly, and then we�d laugh about it.
When we finally reached my beach, it was filled with sun-bathing figures, swimmers, and sand castle-builders. Josh stared incredulously at the busy beach.
I laughed, "Oh, Josh, haven�t you ever seen a Californian beach before?"
He blinked at me and smiled. "I didn�t think it would be so busy this early in the morning. In my town people don�t start waking up till at least ten. I guess it�s a little shocking to me."
"Ahh. Well, in this part of the country, you have to move early in the morning �cause it gets so hot in the afternoons. Come on. Let�s go �fore the sun�s high in the sky."
I grabbed Josh�s hand and headed for the huge dockings at the east side of the beach. I noticed how when we passed skinny girls in their bikinis, they would stare at Josh, as if he were a hunk of meat. I smiled to myself.
"You sure are popular with the ladies already," I told Josh as we walked across the beach.
"Hmm? What do you mean?" he asked, looking up at me.
I nodded in the direction of a cute blonde laying on a large beach towel, who was eyeing Josh intensely. Josh looked at her and smiled. As a response, she ran her tongue along her upper lip slowly. Josh laughed, and I smiled, yet I felt mildly jealous.
"Disgusting!" he whispered to me. "Are the girls so desperate here?" he asked bluntly.
"You�re fresh meat on the market," I replied rather curtly.
"Oh, oh really? Well, maybe I can pretend that I�m bought and paid for," he said slyly, grinning wildly.
"How do you plan on doing that, pray-tell?"
"Like this."
Josh stopped right in front of the blonde girl and stepped into my body, planting a wet kiss on my lips. As I came out of the daze he put me in, Josh was laughing, and I saw that the girl looked rather angry and jealous, just as I had felt.
"Well...uh...that, I think, worked," I babbled idiotically.
"Thought so," Josh replied, still smiling.
We continued to the docks as Josh whistled pleasantly, and I tried to sort my jumbled emotions and thoughts, that Josh had so innocently scattered. When we finally reached the dockings, a ferry was just pulling in, and passengers were streaming off the huge boat. I bought two tickets at the gate, and we walked to the wooden stairs, where we waited to load the ferry. We walked up the stairs, which were creaking with every movement, and the gentleman took our tickets.
"Come to the front of the boat. It has the best view," I said.
We walked to the railings, and I stepped up on the rungs and leaned over to watch the churning waves below. I sighed with deep satisfaction, and I closed my eyes as sunlight poured over my face. Other than the tourists chattering at the other end of the ferry, there was a very quiet and relaxing atmosphere. An occasional seagull would fly overhead and squawk, and the ocean�s waves provided a soothing and peaceful whisper. I looked over at Josh who was absorbed in the sights around us. I smiled softly at him, though he didn�t see.
The ferry ride took an hour and a half, and by the time we reached the island, we were all ready to move and do something active. We stepped off the ferry onto another dock just like the one we boarded the ferry from.
Josh read the large welcoming sign, " �Welcome to Crystal Island. Crystal Island is a man-made resort, which belongs to the Crystal Carnival.� Interesting. So, what are we gonna do here?"
"We are going to that carnival. There�s also a beach on the north side of the island, where we can rent scuba gear. What do you want to do first?"
"Let�s go scuba diving!" he replied enthusiastically.
We walked through the carnival area to get to the beach. The small shack was set up as always, where we could rent scuba gear, including air tanks, wet suits, flippers, and goggles. There were even lockers that we could rent for a dollar. I walked up to the counter to see if they had any gear open.
"Hi. I was wondering if we could rent scuba gear for two. Do you have any free at this time?" I asked sweetly.
"Hmmm," the old man said slowly, checking his list of supplies. "We have three tanks left, four pairs of flippers, two suits, and a whole bunch of goggles. But there�s a group of eight coming at one o�clock. You can have the gear for two hours at the most. I�ll need you to sign here, and I also need a deposit of thirty-five dollars, in case something isn�t returned."
I smiled, "We�ll take two air tanks, two wet suits, two pairs of flippers, and two sets of goggles." I signed the paper the man offered me, and I gave him thirty-five dollars out of my wallet.
"You can help yourselves. Everything�s out back in the shed," he said, without even looking at us.
Josh and I walked behind the shack and found a shed filled with odds and ends of scuba gear. We chose the best-looking equipment and went into the changing rooms to suit up. When I came out, Josh was already dressed, looking adorable in an outfit that anyone else would look ridiculous in.
"What should we do with our stuff?" Josh asked.
I thought about it for a minute and decided to rent a locker for our shoes and clothes.
"Walk with me," I said walking barefoot in the sand, holding my clothes in one arm and my flippers in the other.
We went to the dock on the other side of the scuba shack and found the bright orange lockers that you could rent for a buck per hour. I put two bucks in the little slot and shoved my stuff inside, hoping it would fit. I looked at Josh and bit my lip, trying to decide if it would all fit. I looked back to the locker and then back to Josh again. I gathered Josh�s things in my arms and shoved them into the locker as hard as I could. I tried shutting the door, but it wouldn�t close all the way.
Josh looked at me, smiled and said, "Looks like a man�s job...allow me."
I looked at him, irritated at his sexist comment. He gave the locker door a light shove and it clicked, locking.
"Thanks," I said, grabbing the key out of the lock.
Josh smiled, making it difficult for me to stay mad at him. I smiled briefly, and we walked down the beach to the small coral reef growing off the shore. It started 100 feet from shore and lasted half a mile.
"Well, are we gonna jump in and explore? Or are we gonna stand here and look at it all day?" asked Josh.
"Hmmm...I think we should dive in," I replied.
I waded into the clear, blue water and Josh followed behind. When I was waste-deep in the warm, salty ocean, I adjusted my goggles and air tank. I dove into the water, leaving Josh behind me, as usual. I swam close to the bottom of the sandy floor. Soon enough, Josh was swimming beside me. I looked over at him and pointed to the pink reef ahead. He nodded his head, and we kept gliding through the water until we got to the intricate plant-like creature.
The reef seemed to wave at us as currents moved passed them. Tiny, colorful fish, red, green, blue, yellow, darted in and out of the protection of the coral. A school of larger fish, as colorful as the little fish, danced past us. They didn�t pay us any mind, like we belonged there, or they were used to us. I slid my hand over one of their leathery bodies. I smiled at the cool touch of his skin.
Josh was having his own learning experience with our great coral reef. He studied its movements and color, not paying any more mind to the fish than the fish paid to him. He seemed in a state of child-like awe. Despite myself, I caught myself watching him, rather than the marine life around us.
After a while, I checked the level on my oxygen tank. There was less than a quarter of a tank left. I set my hand on Josh�s shoulder. He turned and smiled at me. I tapped the glass on the meter of my tank. He nodded his understanding and he grabbed my hand swimming back to the beach.
As we broke the surface of the water, I took my goggles and oxygen mask off. I smiled at Josh as he did the same.
"That was...so...absolutely wonderful," Josh exclaimed. "I didn�t know coral reef could be so fascinating!"
"Yeah, I�ve dived several times, but it always seems to get more and more beautiful down there. You just feel so alone, and yet, at the same time, you feel like you�re a part of it all. It�s amazing. A good feeling."
Josh slipped his hand into mine. "A very good feeling," he agreed.
He gave my hand a little squeeze as we walked along the beach towards the scuba shack. When we reached the lockers, I took our stuff out of it.
"Let�s go change, and then we�ll return our gear," I suggested.
He nodded and we went to the changing rooms. When I was safe behind the closed door, I peeled off the wetsuit, which had practically bonded to my skin. My bikini was wet, but I slipped my jeans on over my bottoms anyways. I gathered my wet hair and tied it back with a rubber band, knowing it would get frizzy in this heat. I looked in the mirror: my lip gloss was gone, mascara gone, and no shine free powder was on my face. Why did I even bother?. I stuffed my wallet in my back pocket and carried my gear out to the shack.
I stood waiting for Josh to get changed in front of the men�s changing room. I couldn�t help but notice how hot it was on dry land, compared to the water. I sighed and Josh appeared, once again, as a natural Cali guy. We walked to the shack and set our stuff on the counter.
The man looked at us and said, "Just in time...that group of eight showed up 20 minutes early. It�ll be twenty dollars. I�ll just take it out of the deposit. You can leave the stuff here with me." He reached into the cash register and gave me fifteen dollars back.
I smiled courteously and we walked toward the fair in the scorching, mid-day sun. We didn�t really talk. Josh took my hand in his own again, which felt quite comfortable by now. Finally I asked, "Do you wanna get somethin� to eat?"
"Sure. I am getting hungry."
"Okay. We can grab some hot dogs or something over there," I said, pointing to a small concessions stand.
We walked over to it, each ordering a hot dog, a coke, and fries. I found a small round table under the canopied area to shade us from the growing heat of the day. Josh brought the hot dogs and drinks over. He sat down and we ate, although I wasn�t really hungry after the breakfast I�d feasted on that morning. I picked through the food, eating only a little, and Josh devoured everything.
"Uh...are you gonna eat that stuff?" he asked after finishing his fries.
I smiled and slid it over to him, sipping my ice-cold coke. As he ate, I spoke up, "Do you wanna go to the fair, go on a few rides and maybe play some games, or do you wanna go to the beach and catch some sun. The beach�ll be really crowded. You�d be surprised to see it now. You probably can�t even move around on it. That�s why I figured we go to the fair."
"We can do whatever you want. I�m not for crowds of people, but I�m sure it will be just as packed at the fair as on the beach," he said, brushing a few strands of his sandy blonde hair from his face.
"Okay, well...I think the fair will be our best chance, and then when it starts to get later in the day, maybe three o�clock, the beach�ll clear out a bit," I said in reply, standing to dump our trash in the garbage can.
We walked to the midway of the fairgrounds, where all the games were. Josh stopped and played almost every game, with no success. I teased him at how bad he was, and he�d get all defensive and say they were all rigged. I laugh at how cute he was when he got protective. In fact, he was the best-looking guy I�d ever seen, except for Christopher. Why did Josh look so much like him? I was having so much fun with Josh, that I felt guilty. Why should I feel guilty? I hadn�t done anything wrong. Christopher was the one who�d left.
And yet these thoughts did not reassure me.
Josh was almost out of cash, so he�d have to stop playing the games soon. Thank God. He�d been at it for almost two and a half hours. The last game he played was the ring-toss, which nobody ever won. He tossed the first ring, to no avail. Then a second ring flew through the air, missing the target, and then a third, and a fourth, and a fifth. I sighed and laughed at Josh.
"There�s no use Josh...nobody ever wins these games."
He smiled coyly at me and threw his tenth and final ring, which glided through the air, almost in slow motion. It bounced off one of the glass bottles, ricocheting of two other bottles and landing perfectly around the mouth of another bottle. I looked at it with silent surprise. Josh was in much the same state of awe as I. The carnie started shouting and yelling that he had a winner and handed Josh a four-foot tiger.
Josh smiled as he handed me the white tiger. I returned his smile with a kiss. Why was I doing this? I had actually believed that if he initiated all the kisses, that I wasn�t necessarily in the wrong. But now...I had committed a sin. Yet I kissed him passionately for several moments. I finally pulled away from the warmth of his body. He smiled dumbly at me and tried to find his voice.
"Wow...," he said in a hushed voice, looking at me incredulously, "uh...wow."
I smiled and wrapped my hand around his. He slid his arm over my shoulder and we walked through the midway once again.
"Does this mean we officially have a relationship?" Josh asked as we walked through the rides. I shrugged and smiled, without looking at him.
"Okay," he said, utterly confused.
"Oh, I wanna go on the ferris wheel and then let�s get out of here and go to the beach. I could use the sun," I said, trying to change the subject. I bought two tickets for the ferris wheel, and we stood in line.
"If we�re now dating, can I kiss you whenever I want? If we�re not dating, can I still kiss you when I want?" he asked as I leaned against the railing.
"Only if I can kiss you when I want," I smiled.
"Deal." He just couldn�t help but smile.
I couldn�t resist it. I leaned into him, rising on my toes to kiss his lips. He was so damn kissable that I couldn�t just not kiss him. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my hands on his shoulders to balance myself on my toes. Finally the carnie broke us up and told us to get on the ride or get out of the way. I laughed, and apologized. We got on the ferris wheel, sitting so close together that we were practically on top of each other. We held hands, and suddenly my guilt about Christopher was gone. That scared me. What did it mean? Was I supposed to be with Josh?
The ride was short, and after about five minutes of silent cuddling, the carnie stopped the ferris wheel and ushered us out.
"Ready to hit the beach, then?" Josh said with his grin.
"Most definitely. It�s so hot, I almost can�t wait to get into only my bathing suit."
"I can�t wait for you to get into only your bathing suit too."
I smiled, feeling embarrassed, but then I remembered that Josh had already seen me in my suit. He had practically picked it out. I clung to his arm as we walked to the other side of the island. We loaded the ferry to go back to my beach. I decided that I wanted to share it with Josh, rather than going to the beach on the island.
After unloading off the ferry, I led Josh to my beach, which was considerably loaded with people. I didn�t mind, but Josh had never seen anything like this. His beautiful blue eyes widened at all the people crowded around each other.
"Great, isn�t it?" I asked with a light smile.
"It�s definitely different. People in my town don�t congregate like this. They�d rather spend their time alone."
"Yeah, that�s what�s so great about Californians; they like to be in each other's company."
"We didn�t bring a blanket to tan on," he said.
"Oh, it�s not any fun if you don�t lay on the soft, warm sand. You need to get the full experience of it, don�t ya think?"
"I suppose so, but I don�t really enjoy sand down my shorts," he replied with a smile.
"That�s the best feeling, what are you taking about?" I asked with a sly smile.
After fifteen minutes of hunting for empty beach, I finally found a patch of sand big enough to fit four people or so. I started stripping off my shoes, shorts and shirt, throwing them in a pile on the sand. I laid down on the hot sand in my new bikini, closing my eyes against the brilliant sun.
Finally, Josh gained enough confidence to start stripping himself. I opened my eyes slightly as he took of his shorts and shirt. He was absolutely perfect. He wasn�t tan, but he had a lean figure; fit, yet not too muscular. He laid down next to me in the sand. I turned my face towards him and shaded my eyes from the sun. He returned my gaze and smiled, laying a warm hand on my stomach. I pushed myself up on my elbows and leaned over to him as if to say something.
I opened my mouth and he leaned in to kiss me. I didn�t refuse his kiss, instead, I kissed him back. I couldn�t keep doing this! I was pledged to Christopher. But if it was so wrong, why did it feel so incredibly right? I pulled away with a frown and looked at Josh with confused, frustrated eyes. He looked at me strangely.
"What�s wrong?" he asked, brow furrowing. I looked away from his beautiful face. My gaze dropped to the sand beside me. I shook my head and laid back down, closing my eyes against the sun.
We basked in the blistering sun for what seemed hours, not talking or looking at each other. I was grateful for that. How could I tell him what was wrong, especially when I didn�t know what was wrong? I think he was so confused that he didn�t even know what to say. Could I blame him? All I wanted to do laying in the sand like that was wrap my around his inviting body and press my lips to his, to let him know that I cared so much about him that words could not express. And yet, I could not tell exactly what is was. Love...or lust? I could just be so tired of being alone that I needed the warmth of his body to be near mine.
I finally unburied my watch from my piles of clothes and checked the time. Five-thirty. I gathered my clothes, stood up, pulling my pants on, and slipped my shoes on my sandy feet. Josh did the same, after watching me awkwardly. I looked at him, but quickly averted my gaze, for fear of him staring back at me. I started for home and Josh walked beside me, very close beside me.
"What�s wrong? Did I do something wrong, Raven? If I did, I�m sorry. I thought..." his voice trailed off as he looked at me apprehensively. I smiled at him and latched on to his arm.
"You didn�t do anything wrong. You�re perfect. It�s just that...I remembered something, that�s all," I replied reassuringly. He smiled at me and wrapped his arm around my waist.
"I thought I must�ve done something."
"No," I said as I rested my hand on his back.
We walked down the broad sidewalks of Ashley Boulevard. Josh chattered on happily about the day, and I was still wrapped up in my own thoughts. I�d smile, or laugh once in a while to fake my interest. We finally reached my apartment building at six-thirty. We walked through the glass double-doors and greeted Nancy like the night before.
"You�re back early today," Nancy said with a smile.
I smiled at her and replied, "We�ve had a long day. We could use some rest to prepare for tomorrow."
"You�re gonna run that poor boy to the ground in this city," Nancy said, winking at Josh.
"Oh, don�t worry about him, Nance. He can handle it," I said pushing Josh towards the elevator.
I pushed the button and Josh and I waited for the elevator doors to open. The bell dinged and the �1� above the doors lit up. The doors opened, revealing an empty elevator. We walked in and Josh hit the button for the fifteenth floor again. I leaned against the reflective wall and smiled toothily at Josh. He looked down at me grinning from ear to ear. He bent down, kissing my neck softly, then he brushed my lips gently with his own. I wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his chest. He leaned his chin on top of my head.
Wait a minute. This was all a little too familiar. I opened my eyes and moved my head to look at Josh. Finally, the doors opened to the fifteenth floor. No one was there. I stepped away from Josh, pushing the button for the second floor. I cleared my throat, and turned to look at Josh. The elevator dinged again and a man entered the elevator. I stepped nearer to Josh. The man, in his business suit, interrupted our time together. I grasped Josh�s hand, feeling more secure when I was fastened to it. We stood there, not talking until the doors opened to the second floor, and we walked out together.
When we reached my door, Josh looked at me and said, "Raven, I don�t know what it is about you, but when I�m around you, I can�t help touching you," he touched my cheek lightly with his fingertips, "or kissing you," he pressed his lips to mine gently. He pushed me against the door to my apartment, his hands on my hips.
"I know what you mean," I said quietly, not looking at his face.
"I...I have this strange feeling when I�m with you. I can�t describe it. I�m just...happy and sad and confused. But mostly, I just want to gather you in my arms and hold you."
I swallowed, not sure if I was able to speak. I opened my mouth, but couldn�t find my voice. I closed my mouth. Josh leaned into my body. His scent enveloped me and I felt drunk off his warmth. He leaned his head down to kiss my lips and I rose on my toes to meet him. We stood there several moments in a fit of passion, clinging to each other as if we�d never see each other after this moment.
The door opened and Josh all but fell on me. In a state of confusion, Josh found his feet and helped me stand. As I stood, pushing my curls out of my face, I stared into his face. Christopher. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth. I felt the hot tears and the lump forming in my throat. Christopher�s face fell. He looked so hurt. He was exactly how I�d remembered him. Tall, muscular, beautiful. I looked at him, eyes welling up. He looked to Josh with angry understanding. I looked to Josh as well, my mouth still open. I squeaked, but that was all that would come out. I looked back to Christopher, but he stormed past me out of the house. I chased after him down the hall, leaving Josh dumbfounded behind me. By this time, hot tears were stinging my eyes and they were falling on to my cheeks.
"Christopher, please!" I screamed from behind him.
He stopped, his back facing me. His body shuddered with each ragged breath he exhaled. I walked slowly towards him, touching his elbow gently. He recoiled from my touch. He turned to face me. His angry eyes stared into my soul.
"How could you...you...," his voice stopped and his eyes dropped to the floor. A tear slipped from his eye, falling down his perfect cheek. I wiped it away with my thumb and cupped his face with my hands.
"Christopher, look at me. Look at me! You have to believe me...I didn�t think you�d come back. And I met Josh...I was so lonely...and I�d lost you! What was I to do?!" I clutched his body to me. He trembled under my touch and pushed away from me. His eyes were dark and cold.
"I told you I would...I would come back..." he said and turned to leave. The sound of his footfalls echoed in the empty hall.
I stood there staring hopelessly after him, my body shaking with a cold that did not exist. I cried silently, until I wiped the tears away angrily. Josh crept up behind me and touched my shoulder tenderly. I jumped.
"Who...who...what..." he was at a loss for words. I turned to face him.
"I must tell you something," I said, taking Josh by the hand and leading him back to the apartment.
After the door was closed and we were both seated on the couch, I started to spill the tale of my lost love to him.
"A year ago, I met this amazing guy...a guy almost as beautiful as you. He was the sweetest, most gently person I had ever met. We fell in love and dated each other for nine months. I loved him more than words could express. Then one day, he told me had to leave. He had to go far away, though he wouldn�t tell me where or why. Christopher, whom you just met under the worst possible circumstances, told me he�d come back for me...always. I believed him for three months, but then I met you. Christopher wasn�t here; you were. It almost seemed as if those nine months were a dream. You were someone I could touch...kiss. I missed that. I needed that." I sat quietly, searching those blue eyes for any hint of emotion. Josh stared at me for minutes.
Finally he said, "You must go to him then. You were met for each other. You love each other. This mess is my fault. I�ll go home. You need each other," he said, grasping my hand. His face was contorted with pain. He was so strong. Why couldn�t I be?
"No. I...I can�t let you just leave, Josh." I laid my hand on his cheek. "I...I think I love you..."
He stared at me. His troubled blue eyes lightened at my words. He leaned over and kissed me briefly. He stoked my hair and looked into my eyes. His eyes clouded over again.
"But you love him as well..."
I didn�t know what to say to that. I only nodded, and the tears started to spill from my eyes. I sniffed and he wiped the tears away with a soft hand. I took his hand in my own and kissed it.
"What would I have done without you?" I asked quietly, tears still flowing.
In response, he stood and walked to the door, looking at me with hurt yet understanding eyes. I stood, as if to go to him to find comfort, but I didn�t move. He turned around and left my apartment, closing the door quietly behind him. I inhaled sharply, wiping away my tears. I sat down, scrunching up my face, deciding what to do.
I sat in my apartment for the better part of an hour. I finally decided to meet with Christopher. I paged through my address book, pulling up Christopher�s cell number. I picked up the phone, and dialed the number. It rang once and then again.
A distressed voice answered the phone, "Hello?"
I took a breath and said quietly, "Chris?"
I heard him inhale sharply, fighting back tears. "Raven..."
"Can we meet for dinner tonight? Please? We need to talk..." I said quickly.
"Sure...meet me at Vistorelli�s at seven...we�ll talk then."
"Okay."
I hung up the phone and went to get ready. I wanted to look fantastic for this evening. Maybe he would take me back...maybe I didn�t want him to.
I went to my bedroom to sort through my clothes to find the best outfit for tonight. I hunted through all the clothes in my closet and the ones I had thrown on the floor earlier that day with little luck. I went to my mom�s bedroom, flung open the closet door, and rummaged through her slinky party dresses. I finally found the perfect one. It was an elegant black strapless gown. It was tight yet subtle. I went to take a shower and primp myself. I went through much the same practice as my morning routine. Though this time, I wore more makeup: eyeliner, lipstick, rouge, eye shadow, and mascara. I also painted my nails a startling red. I piled my curls on top of my head, pinning them into a messy but attractive mass. I sprayed perfume on my chest and under my hair. I also chose some lovely earrings from my mom�s dresser.
Returning to my bedroom, I grabbed a small black hand bag and found some matching black heels under my bed. I stood back from the full-length mirror in my room. I didn�t mean to brag, but I was dazzling. Christopher had to forgive me when I looked like this. I slipped my keys and wallet into my hand bag, and then I left the apartment, heading for Vistorelli�s.
I walked slowly to the restaurant where Christopher and I had shared so many romantic meals. I was terrified at what Chris might say or do. I could not even decide if I wanted to be with him. I cared for him like I cared for Josh, yet Josh had been here...with me, for the past couple days. What was I going to do?
I walked into the dimly lit parlor of Vistorelli�s. I greeted the clerk.
"Good evening. How may I help you tonight?" she asked cheerfully.
"Uh, I�m meeting someone."
"Their name?" she asked, glancing at her list.
"Christopher. Christopher Neary."
"Oh, yes! He�s expecting you...right this way, miss."
I followed the hostess through several separated rooms, finally arriving in the main, non-smoking area. Christopher was seated near a window. As soon as I saw him, I got a lump in my throat, and I started shaking. I was nervous. Christopher stood when he saw me, pulling my chair out for me. I smiled weakly and said hello.
"There is so much to say...would you like to order something to eat before we begin?" he asked.
"Uh, no thanks. I�m not really that hungry," I replied shakily.
He nodded and we were quiet for several moments. I didn�t know how to begin. I felt him watching me as I concentrated on folding my napkin into my lap. I looked up to him. His face was so somber. How could I have done this to him?
"Chris, I�m so..." I began.
"No. Stop. Please. Let me go first."
I nodded as he folded his hands on the table. He stared at them, as if willing them not to shake. He was unsuccessful. I intertwined my fingers in his. I looked into his face. He stared into my eyes, which were almost as sad as I felt. I could hear my heart pounding in my chest. He withdrew his hand from mine.
He cleared his throat and spoke quietly, "I...I have something to tell you. First, I want to say that I understand why you didn�t wait for me. I suppose you thought I wouldn�t come back. But I said I would, Raven. I...I...just wish you would have..." he trailed off.
I looked at him with sorrowful eyes, but he didn�t look at me. "Chris...I..."
"Wait. There�s more. I�m not really sure how to get everything out. Raven, I love you. I love you more than life itself."
I couldn�t help speaking out now. "I love you too! If you cared so much, why did you leave me? You didn�t even tell me why you had to leave me! You just...left."
"I know...I�m sorry. I...I have no excuse for that."
"But why...why did you leave me? Tell me now."
"I...I can�t."
"Then you do not love me."
"But I do."
"No. You don�t." I turned from him, feeling the rush of hot tears return to my eyes. He reached over and touched my face, turning me to face him.
"You�re going to hate me if I tell you..."
I looked at him. "Why?" I asked. "Why did you leave. Chris, tell me. Please."
"I...I...," he looked away from me. "It�s so hard..." He wiped a tear from his face.
"What could you have done that was so awful?" I asked, afraid of the answer.
"I went to see...to see...my wife..." he couldn�t even look at me.
I opened my mouth in disbelief. I didn�t know what to say. I just kept thinking he was too young to be married. Only 19 years old. Besides that, he had enough nerve to get upset that I found someone else to love when he did this to me. I stared at him until my eyes could not see, due to the tears welling up. I stood and started walking for the exit.
"Raven...wait!" he shouted from behind me.
I turned to look at him. Tears streaming down my face, mascara streaking down my cheeks.
"I...I..." he stuttered.
I nodded and left the restaurant.
I walked back to my apartment quickly. I took the elevator up, wishing Josh were there to hit the button for the fifteenth floor. I started crying uncontrollably, as I sank to the floor, hands covering my face. The bell chimed, and the doors opened, yet I stayed on the floor, crying wildly. Soon, I heard a voice in front of me.
"Raven?" it said softly.
I looked up to see Josh standing there. I cried even harder.
"Oh, Josh!" I screeched, gasping for air between cries.
He came to me in the elevator and knelt beside me. He wrapped his affectionate arms around me. I cried into his chest, as my own chest heaved with each sob. He buried his face in my hair.
"Raven, Raven...what happened?" he asked softly.
"It doesn�t matter," I said into his chest. "He�s not the man I thought he was. He�s a liar and he doesn�t love me!"
"Come on...let�s go to your apartment," he said lovingly, helping me to my feet.
I leaned my weight against him, fighting to stop the flow of hot tears. I wiped my face with the back of my hand. I unlocked the door and we entered together. Josh sat me on the couch and took my hand, sitting next to me.
"Why are you here?" I asked.
"I...I made a mistake. I can�t let you go back to him. Raven, I love you. I need you. I want you..."
I smiled at him. "I love you too..."
At that moment, the phone rang.
"I�m sorry..." I said to Josh.
He nodded.
I picked the phone up off the sofa table. "Hello?" I said.
"Raven. Raven...please don�t hang up. I�m so sorry for what I did to you."
"Chris, don�t call me anymore. I�m happy without you. Is that at all important to you? Go back to your wife. Forget about me." I hung up the phone.
Josh looked at me astonished. "He�s....he�s married?"
I nodded.
"Raven...I�m so sorry..."
"It�s okay, really. I don�t want to be with him. I�ve been thinking, a lot. He left, to be with his wife mind you. You were here with me...and he wasn�t. I love you. I thought I loved Christopher, but I was wrong. He�s never cared about me. I was just some fling to get away from his wife. But you...you are the sweetest, most beautiful man I�ve ever met. And I love you, Josh. You, and only you. I want to be with you...for the rest of my life."
"And I wish the same, Raven, but you know that�s quite impossible. I have to leave in a few weeks."
"Then I�ll go to college in your home town. Or you can go to college here."
"It is not that simple..."
"Why," I cried. "Why can�t it be that simple?! We love each other! It�s as simple as that!" I screamed at him.
He smiled at me. A strange thing to do.
"You�re so cute when you get passionate on me. And...you are the most beautiful girl I�ve ever met in my life, even with mascara running down your face," he said tenderly, moving a finger slowly down my face.
My expression softened. He leaned over me and I lied down on the couch. He kissed me then. He wrapped his arms around me, enveloping my body. I enfolded my arms around his waist and kissed him back eagerly. I loved the taste of him, the smell of him, the warmth of him. I pushed myself up and leaned against the back of the couch.
"Josh," I said, my lips pressed against his.
He looked at me.
"Let�s just enjoy these past few weeks, like we�ll never see each other. Let�s make it last forever. And just know that I love you."
"And I you, Raven."
I leaned my head against his chest and pulled his arms around me.
"That we can do," Josh said.
"You know what, Josh?"
"Hmmm?"
"I think this is my favorite place to be: in your arms."
He smiled at me and kissed my forehead.
"It is my favorite place to be too."