Erik: I run over to pick it up!
Jim: Upon reaching your dagger, you fall into a deep hole.
Erik: Is my dagger here?
Jim: Yeah.
Erik: I pick it up and then start climbing out.
Jim: As you start up, you hear a loud creaking, and then a tree suddenly crashes over the top of the hole.
Erik: Ok, I can just wait till the other guys come and find me.
Jim: You hear some scratching noises and a mole pops its head through the ground at your feet.
Erik: I kill it!
Jim: It screams as it dies. Suddenly from the hole behind it, water starts pouring in. It begins to fill the pit you're standing in.
Erik: Ummmm.... Ok, I let the water rise up, and I'll just float to the top.
Jim: You can't, your armor and stuff weighs too much.
Erik: ....Hey guys come here, hurry!
After several misadventures, the group finally reaches the Dungeon. It proves to be a harrowing experience and they leave with two less adventurers in the party, a chest of gold, and a lifetime of memories.
It all started innocently enough, but then that's how things always start isn't it? The group had just completed their last adventure of defeating the dreaded dungeon of Cthullu by running away like a flock of scared sheep. Night fell and for reasons known only to themselves they decided to...
Aaron: Hey you wanna leave Mark, AKA Sean Punch, behind while he's asleep?
Kevin: Yeah let's ditch him. Help me with this chest full of gold?
Aaron: Sure thing pardner.
Kevin: So where are we heading?
Aaron: Back to the town in Mundania where we were first hired to rid the land of the dreaded evil.
Kevin: And now having vanquished the foe we can now claim our hefty payload?
Aaron: Correct.
Max (Offscreen): Yep, a whole two bags of grain.
And so the two head off into the wilderness where after a mere three days of travelling, tension begins to run high.
Aaron: Curse you and your travelling speed of only 10 miles a day!
Kevin: I am carrying this heavy chest of treasure. My encumbrance is at its limit.
Aaron: Perhaps if you didn't cary the box?
Kevin: Hah! Sorry plebian, my top speed would be the same!
Aaron: Accursed creature! I should leave you to die like the cur you are!
Kevin: It's not completely my fault. It only took us three days to get to the dungeon the first time around.
Aaron: You are correct. What is amiss?
What was amiss? It was the GM, whose recent calculations of the world map had revealed that the distance travelled by the group last session had amounted to almost 300 miles. This was revealed to the rest of the players who took great merriment in determining how long it would take them to get back this time. 56 days sounded like a lot.
GM: How much food do you guys have?
Luckily upon the fourth day they were discovered by a Wolfen scout of the Blue Army. He happily lent them a ride to the borders of Mundania in near record time thanks to his Pegasus.
Aaron: Thanks buddy...for nothing. Ha-ha!
And into town they walked, past the dark tower of the Shady Characters Guild causing a groan of despair to elicit from the barbarian. He had forgotten about the curse laid upon him and the subsequent blacklisting of himself and several of his companions.
Max: But wait, Mark cured the curse with that spell of his.
And so he had. Now Aaron was happier than Erik when he was making a new character. He jaunted off to the tavern to sit a spell and drink his few remaining cares away.
Meanwhile, Kevin dropped by the town's general store which had been consumed by his Merchant organization while he was away adventuring. Indeed, the former owner looked cheery in his new uniform and was all too eager to admit his pride at being the newest store in a multi-country chain of merchant outlets.
Kevin: Well then my good man. I'd like to deposit this into my account. (He dumps the chest onto the counter.)
The man runs to the back and gets his manager, a man on the board of directors for Kevin's company.
Manager: Would you like this to go into your Wisss bank account, sir?
Back at the tavern, Aaron walked through the doorway to find nearly all the tables, save one, were occupied by shady characters.
Bartender: Well, well, well. If it isn't the land barbarian returned home from the adventure. Tell me, did you defeat the dreaded evil that lay in the Wasteland?
Aaron: Uh...yeah. It was easy.
Bartender: Oh, okay then.
The monk, undead slayer, and merchant are eventually hired by the Shady Characters Guild. Their mission? To travel far away to an unknown land and slay The Dragon.
There was a gate blocking the stairway, so Aaron goes into the room next to the gate which happens to be the gnomish R&D room. Meanwhile, Max is downstairs examining the vacant secretary's desk in the tower's lobby.
Max: Are there any buttons on this desk Jim?
Jim: Yes, there's a large yellow one.
Max: Hmmm, either it opens the gate blocking Aaron's way, or more likely it sets off the alarm.
Meanwhile in the Gnome Research & Development room...
Aaron: I need all of the weapons that are ready to be field tested gathered up so I can distribute them to the testers.
Gnome: Sure thing buddy. They're all in that barrel over there. I'll just need to see your work order.
Aaron: (Stalling...) Of course, of course, my work order...well the secretary downstairs has it.
Gnome: Why did the secretary take it?
Aaron: Don't ask me...
Gnome: Well I'll ask the secretary. (Reaches for the horn shaped intercom). Hey buddy do you have this guy's work order down there?
Downstairs, on the Tower's first floor...
Jim: By the way Max, you hear this coming from a horn shaped object on the desk.
Max: You know I really wish I could talk right about now. (Note: Being a mute and all.)
Upstairs, in R&D...
Aaron: Uh you know sir, the secretary was sick when I left him. He had laryngitis. They're waiting for the temp to arrive.
Downstairs...
Max: I start tapping a reply in morse code on the edge of the horn.
Jim: Do you know morse code?
Max: Well no...
Jim: Ok roll it up, it's IQ minus 6.
Max: (rolls it up) Missed it by 10.
Up...
Gnome: Hey Joe you know morse code, what did he just say?
Joe: Absolute gibberish sir.
Down...
Max: I press the button Jim.
Jim: Yellow lights start flashing, and an alarm begins to wail througout the tower.
In R&D, all the gnomes start flipping out...
Gnome: The castle is under attack!
The Tower erupts in activity after the alarm sounds. A team is quickly dispatched to the main lobby and Skeleton Joe ducks under the secretarial desk as soon as he sees a horde rushing down the stairs. The gnomes begin to search for invaders. They're then joined by a couple of gargoyles, who serve as the outside guardians. Their combined efforts produce no sign of the threat until on them asks...
Gnome: Hey! Did anyone think to look under the desk?
Max: I place my feet and hands against the inside of the desk and lift myself up.
Jim: You hear their footsteps coming closer. Feet appear at the the sides of the desk. (Mostly gnomish feet but also a clawed set belonging to stone hewn gargoyle.) The desk is then hoisted up and Skeleton Joe hangs underneath. The assembled team looks at the ground and is satisfied that nobody was using it as a hiding place.
Gargoyle: Nope, doesn't look like there was anyone here. The gargoyle, instead of simply setting the desk back down, decides to carry it away. He turns around and reveals the open faced side of the desk, as well as Skeleton Joe. He looks out over a mob of gnomes looking up at him.
Outside in the streets, Cravis is making his way towards The Tower in the hope that he can get a meeting with Dragon. He is accompanied by his newest associates, the local Mafia. They claim to have close ties to the leader of this country.
Jim: An alarm can be heard, and you notice that the windows of the building on the first floor are shattered.
The Mob Boss Guy: I think that perhaps this may not be a good time to visit my friend after all.
Kevin: Are you sure? Its terribly important I see him soon.
Jim: You hear a big boom, and a lot of gnomes start running from the building, chasing your friend in the monks robes.
Kevin: I turn the MBG around and say "Yes, I suppose your right, maybe we could come back tomorrow."
(Will there be more stories from the dreaded homemade GURPS fantasy realm? Only time will tell.)