Some of these quotes likely contain spoilers to the following modules: "Against the Barrow King" by Steve Hough (Alderac Entertainment Group, no. 8304), and "Bring Him Back Alive" by Matt Forbeck (also Alderac Entertainment Group, no. 8310). Visitors interested in learning more about these products are encouraged to visit the...

They sell a number of cool adventure boosters that are a steal at only $2.50 a piece. I think my RPG group had a lot of fun with the two mentioned above and I was able to greatly expand on the material to fit my larger campaign. Check it out. However, players in my campaign are encouraged to NOT read into great detail about the modules they've played in.

The group's employer, the overwhelmingly insane George Costanza, grows angered from the adventurers' incessant inane questioning on the trek. George is asked for the umpteenth time if there might be any encounters of a random variety on the road. He whips out his hand crossbow and shoots one of the pack mules through the head.

George Costanza: There's your random encounter!

Justin: I will "Handle Animal" with a magic missle.

Kobold warrior: It appears we are evenly matched.

...to Max's paladin after they both hideously miss each other.

After the innkeeper wishes the party the best of luck on their mission...

Justin: Thanks! Er...I mean, away with you peasant.

Max: What's the challenge rating on a squirrel skeleton?

I think it's important to note here that he wasn't even referring to an animated squirrel skeleton. Rather, he had managed to smash up a dead rodent's carcass which had been resting at the bottom of an empty cauldron.

Jim: 1/60th.

In Glenn Hollow...

Obed, the village elder: Dark wraiths have emerged from the woods and burned our homes for several nights now. They've carried our villagers away with them. Why would the Barrow King be doing this to us? We have not intruded on his sacred ground.

Max: Don't worry. They're just satyrs.

Obed: What?

Max: Robbers dressed up like satyrs to trick you. It's been done before in other parts of the land.

Obed: Satyrs?

Max: It happened to Hercules.

Obed: I can't say I've heard of this man.

Max: You've never heard of the great hero Hercules and his adventures with his trusted friend Iolus?

Obed: Iolus?

Justin: I think the fat villager guy really is the Barrow King.

At a stalling point in the adventure, the players are just sitting around doing nothing, exhibiting no drive to follow up on any of the previously dropped clues...

Max: I dunno. I think we've done everything in sight. He sees the GM's crazed reaction. What was that look for?!

As the heroes begin to lead the freed villagers out of the cell room, they are alerted to fearful sounds coming from the nearest escape tunnel: a number of human voices continuosly chant the word "Voodrith" along with the steady beating of drums. Most of the group looks on in terror as a large squad of hooded cultists armed with maces emerge from around the bend of the tunnel and into the torchlight of the main chamber. They are lead by a large man in demonic lookin heavy armor who hefts a gore-smeared greataxe over his shoulder; it crackles with a display of red sparks as it's put through motion. The robed men about him continue their mantra ominously, "Voodrith. Voodrith. Voodrith. Voodrith," as they beat their maces into the rocky walls. With a devilish grin, the dark leader stares across the faces of those in the prison room before him.

The "Barrow King": Leaving so soon? You've yet to experience all the hospitatlities we have to offer.

To which Justin instantly replies...

Justin: Grease!

Quickly sending the entirety of the evil cult flailing to the ground as they slip off their feet.

The group has returned triumphantly to Glenn Hollow and cleared their names after slaying the Barrow King. A village elder in the crowd asks...

Village elder: Can you ever forgive us for our actions against you?

To which the paladin Noah Naim pauses, stares blankly for a moment and then flashes a toothy grin, thrusts his two hands out in a "thumbs up" gesture, and growls, EHHHHHHHHHHH!

Max: Hey, knock that off on Noah Naim Day.

Village elder: I want to thank you for making Glenn Hollow a safe place again.

He said right before the explosion.

After a short but frenzied melee in the forest at the edge of Glenn Hollow, Justin and Max try to justify their killing of what the GM considered a "key" NPC...

Justin: How many people did he kill with that blast?

Jim: None!!!

Max: But what about that shower of limbs?

Jim: TREE limbs!

Noah Naim's squire, Johnathon Taylor Tiefling, appoints himself as chronicler of the heroes' adventures. Thus, he begins to write down their actions in his book as if it were a narrative. He also speaks them out loud.

JTT: The heroes went down the steps like a quintet of geese squawking.

After the GM describes an enemy as pinwheeling from the blow of Noah Naim's sword, the paladin shouts/sings...

Max: Pinwheel! Pinwheel!

JTT: The paladin sang "Pinwheel," like a madman in the rain.

Justin: Why don't you try, "The paladin sang 'Pinwheel,' like a maniac in the rain?" That has a better ring to it.

In the halls of the Barrow King, the group finds itself confronted with a mimic disguised as a barrel.

Max: After all, we're fighting the Barrel King.

Later, while exploring the winding tunnels of the barrows Noah Naim notices that...

Max: What happened to JTT?

Kevin: Ahh, I ate him.

Later still, Noah Naim discovers JTT's body by the underground pool, missing half his right arm and barely recognizable due to the presence of multiple jagged bite marks.

Kevin: This doesn't bode well considering what I told them.