| February 9, 2002 11:05 PM (Abby's Thoughts) So I was thinking about what I wanted to update about and I decided to update about what I've been thinking about a lot lately: missions and my future. I think I was thinking about this a lot because I was trying to decide what to do this summer and one reason to stay in Berkeley was to take the GREs with Jessie (which would be way fun!). And that got me thinking more about what's gonna happen after I graduate. I've always tried to make all these plans for myself that I think are what God wants for me. I end up trying to figure out exactly how my life is gonna be from now until I'm 40 or something like that. But God's full of surprises and whenever I think I have everything all mapped out, God shows me that He has something else in store. Which I think is good for me. I tend to hang on too tightly to what I want and how I want my life to go. Kinda like with missions. Especially in thinking about possible missions trips this summer. I had this whole plan for what I was going to do this summer but then just in praying about it and talking to other people, things are starting to take a little bit of a different turn. I still don't know exactly what I'm going to do yet, but my "set plan" that I had for this summer has been shot to pieces. In a good way, though. Come to think of it, this is what happened last summer too! I had this whole plan about going home and working and teaching Sunday School. And well, I ended up staying in Berkeley all summer. Hmmm, same thing happened the summer before that too! I had all these applications to be a camp counselor at places like Mount Hermon or Forest Home. And I ended up in East Asia for 2 months. I'm sensing a pattern here. =) You'd think that I'd have learned by now not to hold so tightly to these plans that I make for myself and just let go and let God, as they say. It's hard. I'm a planner by nature and it's hard to switch gears. But the process of learning how to let go is amazing and having my plans get "messed up" is actually better than anything I could've dreamed up. I think this is true for relationships too. (I know what you're thinking: OOO, she's gonna talk about relationships! hahaha...I know this because I think that every time I read someone's page and it's about relationships...hee hee) You can plan all you want and try to make yourself more "available" to find that one person you'll want to spend the rest of your life with. You can be in a roomful of single people of the opposite sex, but if that person is not there, you might as well be in an empty room. You can't "increase" your chances, so to speak, just by going to places with more "opportunities." (not that I think people are opportunities!!!) You can even think that you've figured out who it is you want to be with, but if God has other plans, He'll let you know. =) And His plans alwyas turn out to be better for us than what we planned for ourselves. It's cuz He knows us so intimately. I dunno. I find that very comforting that the One who is Sovereign and knows all is the One who has made special plans for me. So I guess that's just another example of me needing to let go of what I think should be my future and let God do His stuff in me. =) Random question: What is the balance between sparks and security in a relationship? Because I know that if you just have sparks and no security, it probably won't last cuz it'll end as soon as the feelings end or change. And if you just have security and no sparks, doesn't that make things pretty difficult? Cuz like, marriage is hard enough as it is without dealing with something like not having a special attraction to the other person. And then of course, which should you have more of? Or does it matter as long as you have both?I dunno...just random thoughts after reading a sappy book. hee hee. |