Cole: A few...
Leo: Her whitelighter.
Cole: Ah. Apples don't fall far from the forbidden tree, I see.
Piper: Shh!
Phoebe: All right, well, it was the only thing I could think of that rhymed with "undo."
Phoebe: Another "P" Imagine that.
Paige: The source of what?
Piper: Of all evil...
Piper: Timbuktu. It rhymed with undo.
Cole looks down.
Phoebe: In the basement?
Piper: No, I think he means a little further down than that.
Phoebe: Ohhh . . .
Piper: Yeah, lucky I didn't blow her up. My powers have been a little off lately.
Piper: Half-breed.
Piper: Good idea.
Hell Hath No Fury
Phoebe: Two witches and a half a demon does not the power of three make.
Cole: She has no regard for her own life, or anyone else's. She's Charles Bronson cubed.
Piper: I'm going to vanquish those chain-smoking bitches if it's the last thing I do!
Piper: "Oh no," Phoebe? A demon has the Book of Shadows. "Oh no" doesn't quite cover it!
Phoebe: Are you coming?
Cole: To vanquish your sister? I think I'll sit this one out.
Paige: My boobs are in the way. Could you put it into third?
Paige: You can't say "demon" followed by "oh my God." I'm new at this. I'm likely to panic.
Paige: Are you saying Piper is turning into a demon?
Phoebe: It wouldn't be the first time.
Phoebe: Nothing's gonna be okay. My sister is a fury, my boyfriend is a demon-- Oh, honey, you're bleeding!
Piper: So how scary was I?
Phoebe: I've seen worse. I've been worse.
Paige: Well, not to be difficult, but you're married to our whitelighter and Phoebe's shacking up with a demon. So on balance, maybe my friend can stay cute?
Leo: Oh, is he coming to dinner?
Piper (as Zen Master): I am One with the Universe.
Paige: What happened?
Piper: Beats the hell out of me.
Phoebe: Piper?
Piper: Hello.
Size Matters
Phoebe: The world better start showing me some respect or I'm gonna stop saving it every week.
Leo: She has the Halliwell hearing.
Leo: (cocks head to the side) Can you do that in public?
Leo: Yeah, she's home. She's just a little indisposed at the moment.
Piper: Wait, wait, you watch? What are you like a peeping angel?
Leo: I didn't see anything!
Leo: Well, I didn't see anything.
Phoebe: At least nothing interesting.
Piper: (sarcastically) Right...
Phoebe: I can't use my blow dryer.
Phoebe: The Evil Enchantress?
Piper: That's it! That's the evil witch, the one who kills the prince after he gets her pregnant of course.
Piper: Of course.
Piper: I don't want to blow him up.
Paige: Well, risk it. He's using his tongue.
Paige: How should I know?
Piper: Because it's your damn fairy tale and it's alive and frozen in our kitchen.
Piper: Paige! The Charmed Ones come first!
Phoebe: The Charmed Ones come first?
Piper: It always worked when Prue said it.
Piper: It's San Francisco. Nobody'll notice.
Phoebe: Defiant, clever and independent. That kinda describes Paige, don't you think?
Piper: Yeah. Along with stubborn, stubborn and more stubborn.
Piper: Screwed. The world will plunge into darkness. Yadda, yadda, yadda.
Piper: (about the Evil Enchantress) We won't vanquish her. We'll bind her powers and send her back in time hopefully a virgin.
Piper: Yeah.
Phoebe: No!
Piper: No.
Piper: No, I'm ignoring you.
Phoebe: Piper, I think that was Paige's chair.
Piper: Yeah, I know. It was ugly.
Paige: Either that or we're in Mary Poppins' head.
Phoebe nods.
Piper: Thank God because that guy was freakin' me out!
Piper: We have one clue. We know he likes to use an athame.
Paige: How does that help?
Piper: It means he has hands.
Paige: Your fiance?
Phoebe: I just wanted to hear how it sounded.
Piper: And?
Phoebe: Kinda weird.
Paige: Actually, she's not sure yet.
Piper: Uh, P3.
Phoebe: At nine in the morning? Don't club kids sleep in?
Piper: Corporate party. Big money. Total nightmare.
Phoebe: What if there's an attack?
Piper: At nine in the morning? Don't demons sleep in?
Paige: Who's trying to kill us?
Piper: No one.
Paige: That's new.
Paige: Who's attacking us?
Piper: No one.
Paige: Right on. I get the weekend off.
Phoebe: Us theme. You potion.
Piper: Me peeved. You annoying.
Phoebe: (about Cole's gun) No, we see demons everyday. There is a huge difference.
Cole: There is how?
Paige: Uh well, for one thing we're not likely to accidentally vanquish ourselves.
Cole: We'll talk about this later.
Phoebe: Alligator.
Piper: Just like you're going to have to be patient with Phoebe on the marriage front.
Cole: I don't think that's any of your business.
Leo: You don't know sisters very well, do you?
Piper: Cole, you're struggling, right? Trying to figure out how to be this new person.
Cole: I thought we were here to talk about warlocks.
Leo: No.
Piper: (about spell) Wonderful, witty, but wordy.
Paige: (to Piper and Phoebe) I would rather do battle with warlocks than do battle with the two of you.
Cole: We found out that the faction leader is a warlock named Devlin.
Phoebe: Huh. He looked more like a Joe to me.
Piper: Mm-hmm.
Leo: Where's Melody?
Paige: Oh, she's gone.
Leo: Gone. Gone as in she left?
Piper: No, gone as in she got sucked in a big red ring by a warlock named -- what was it?
Paige: Devlin.
Piper: Right. Devlin.
Piper: Dr. Seuss, is that you?
Phoebe: Am I the world's biggest bitch or what?
Piper: (looks at Leo) Nah, too easy.
Piper: Frankie...and Lulu.
Phoebe (as Lulu): Hi. We're ghosts.
Cole (as Frankie): Boo.
Piper: My sister was just possessed by a supernaturally born killer. My husband is in 1994, and I don't mean in the fashion sense.
Darryl: Piper.
Piper: Uh huh.
Darryl: You froze the crime scene.
Piper: Uh huh.
Darryl: You can't freeze a crime scene.
Piper: Well, I did.
Piper: Frankie and Lulu's unfinished business isn't criminal. It's matrimonial. They wanna get married.
Daryl: Do you people have any normal weddings in your family?
Paige: Jokes like that in this house, not so funny.
Piper: Not so funny.
Phoebe: (about Cole) He said he needed some time to find himself and figure out who he was without his demon half.
Paige: What does that mean? He's off banging on drums in the woods somewhere?
Phoebe: God, I hope not.
Paige: I understand that I also pay rent here.
Piper: There is no rent.
Paige: It's an expression.
Piper: No it's not.
Paige: Well, it should be.
Piper: (about Glen) Paige, you're gonna leave him here alone?
Paige: Well, he won't fit in my cubicle at work.
Leo: Demons you can handle but not rats?
Paige: When nothing happens you can drag me off to the funny farm, tell them I've been brainwashed. Believe me I could use the vacation.
Piper: Since when do demons give a rat's ass, no pun intended, about money laundering?
Phoebe: Could we not call him the rat demon? It's very hard to be appropriately frightened.
Piper: Where's our friend, mouseman?
Piper: I'm sorry too. I can be a little harsh. It's part of my charm. You'll learn to love me.
Lost and Bound
Phoebe: Notice anything different about me?
Piper: Engagement ring. Notice it or wear coffee.
Paige: Nice ice.
Phoebe: Thank you very much. I can't stop looking at it.
Paige: I was like that when I got my belly ring. Oh, you're right. Wedding ring is totally different.
Leo: (about a child) Ours will be doubly magical. Half-whitelighter, half-witch.
Paige: Hey, that's like me. Oh, you might have some trouble.
Paige: Since when does Phoebe care about bacon?
Leo: I'm sure she meant all breakfast meats.
Piper: Pheebs, friendly little tip: lay off the hairspray. There's a firestarter in the house.
Paige: Woah! Full frontal Phoebe.
Cole: She just flashed.
Paige: Yeah, I got that.
Phoebe: (about Piper destroying the gate) What was that?
Paige: I think you just saw a mother lift a car off her child.
Phoebe: What the hell was that?
Paige: A haiku. I couldn't do the rhyming thing.
Piper: 'Cause if she didn't, we'd still be dealing with lawyers. (to Cole) No offense.
Cole: Oh, none taken. I've come to terms with my evil past.
Cole: There's nothing wrong with Piper's car is there?
Phoebe: No.
Cole: But you want me to leave, don't you?
Phoebe: Yes.
Cole: And you don't wanna tell me why?
Phoebe: If you could just give us a couple of hours and don't ask any questions please, please.
Cole: You'll tell me later?
Phoebe: I promise.
Cole kisses her and leaves.
Phoebe: I love that man.
Cole: Don't get cocky.
Phoebe: Not cocky. Confident.
Piper: We are talking about the source of all evil. Maybe measured optimism is best.
Leo: What do you say we go home and get started on our future?
Piper: What do you say we go home and sleep and we work on that future tomorrow night?
The Three Faces of Phoebe
Phoebe: (about Leo's orbing) Does he have to do that so brightly?
Paige: Uh! I hate it when you're right.
Piper: Really? See, I usually like it.
Little Phoebe: I'm ten. I'm not stupid. (screams) GRAMS!!!
Piper: Woah. I do not miss that.
Old Phoebe: (to Phoebe) Of course, no one's going to take you seriously until you stop dressing like a tramp.
Little Phoebe: Stay away from me or I'll sic Prue on you.
Phoebe looks at Piper.
Piper: Oho, do not go there.
Piper: Having problems with geriatric you?
Little Phoebe: (about orbing) Are we going on a plane?
Leo: No, but you might see some clouds.
Phoebe: We can't throw rice.
Piper: Why not?
Phoebe: Because the birds can't digest it and they'll blow up.
Dark Priest: I haven't seen a human soul in my collection plate for months.
Seer: Then I'll be sure to make a donation.
Dark Priest: Bless you, my child.
Piper: (about tarot card) Oh please. This looks nothing like Death. Prue met him, I know.
Paige: (about Phoebe's zits) Oh, face it. There's not enough spackle in the world to fill those craters.
Phoebe: (invisible) My zits are gone?
Piper: Yeah, I can, I can honestly say that your face is completely clear.
�
Cole: It's bad luck for the groom to see the bride before the wedding.
Leo: I don't think that's going to be a problem.
Piper: Hey, this is supposed to be our anniversary.
Phoebe: Oh, right. To Piper and Leo's marriage, may ours be as successful as theirs.
Piper: Yeah, see that still didn't sound like it was about us.
Paige: Wow. So do you think, uh, Cole won the lottery or something?
Phoebe: I know I did.
Paige: Ecch. Sorry. (coughs)
Phoebe: Ooh. Glowing.
Piper: Yeah, yeah. Like you never glow.
Phoebe: (in lingerie) Okay, what do you think?
Guy: Wow!
Girl: Hey! (hits guy)
Piper: I think he liked it and I think that she didn't.
Lila: Spying on the husband. Now there's a sure fire way to reconnect with your sister.
Piper: (eats the chocolate with fertility potion) Hmm. Suddenly I can't wait to go on my honeymoon.
Phoebe: How do you spell "oblique"?
Piper: With spellcheck.
Elise: HA! That's funny.
Cole: If we hurry we can make late check in.
Phoebe: Oh, but I don't have anything to wear.
Cole: I can pack for you. I know what I like.
Phoebe: I love you.
Cole: I had a feeling.
Phoebe: And here I thought all this time I was being so subtle.
Phoebe: (Piper hits Paige with a candlestick) Okay, Piper--
Piper: What? This is what whitelighters are for.
Piper: (blows up power balls) Hmm! I have enough power to do that.
Phoebe: I can't believe what you almost saw in that hotel room. If you had gotten there five minutes earlier--
Piper: La la la la la! Over-sharing!
Paige: (about Karen) Do we know her?
Piper: Wow, your memory really is shot.
Piper: Oh, you're not really a Halliwell until you've gone demonic on your sisters at least twice.
Saving Private Leo
Paige: (about Nathan) He's like a piece of man-hunk history.
Cole: I need someone to cover me at work. Watch my back.
Julie: Well, I'll watch whatever part you want.
Leo: Nathan.
Piper: Yeah, we just met him. He looked pretty good - a little transparent but otherwise pretty good for a dead guy.
Phoebe: Uh, you hate me right now.
Piper: No, I don't.
Paige: Yes, she does.
Leo: Nobody else is going to die because of me, understand? These are my demons, not yours!
Piper: (as a spirit) What's going on?
Phoebe: Piper.
Piper: (sees her dead body) Oh. Oh my.
Piper: (her spirit begins ascending to heaven) Uh, a little help here people.
Phoebe: Let's see. Leo lost his powers and then Piper died and it got really dicey when she turned into a ghost, but everything worked out.
Cole: Glad it was nothing serious.
Piper: Getting flung around by demons is not exactly conducive to making babies.
Phoebe: (about her harpy scratch) That's how Piper turned into the Wendigo, or was it the fury?
Piper: I've turned into so many things I can't keep track.
Piper: You buying?
Leo: Um, you kidding?
Piper: Manticore.
Phoebe: Bites, but doesn't fly.
Piper: Phoenix.
Phoebe: Flies, but doesn't bite.
Piper: Chupacabra.
Phoebe: God bless you. Flies and bites but only attacks livestock.
Cole: If you can trust Anne Rice, you can trust me.
Rowan: (about feeding) Faces fade away. It's the taste you remember.
Paige: And what was I just fast food?
Rowan: Oh, hardly.
We're Off to See the Wizard
Piper: (about Cole) Besides we only know that he is dealing with demons, not that he is a demon.
Paige: If it looks like a demon and walks like a demon--
Piper: That's ducks! Not Phoebe's husband, the love of her life, her best friend--
Paige: All right! I get your point, woman!
Piper: What an idiot! Doesn't every demon know whose house this is?
Wizard: You're the touchy one aren't you? I've heard about you. Peeper?
Piper: Piper.
Piper: Well, maybe you haven't heard. There's a new source. The old one's dead.
Paige: Yeah, we all ready kicked his sorry ass.
Wizard: He didn't die. He was reborn into a new sorry ass. Wait. That didn't come out right.
Piper: Just so you know, one false move and you're toast.
Wizard: Hmm...(turns the chicken leg he was eating into toast) Got any jam?
Paige: (walks into kitchen which is a cave illusion) All right. Piper, I think that I liked the other kitchen better. This is an illusion, right?
Wizard: Please tell me she's not the brains of the family.
Phoebe: I came to help you with Merlin.
Wizard: Please. Merlin was an overrated hack. Tell me that he's not the only wizard you people have ever heard of?
Paige: Well, does Harry Potter count?
Piper: I can't believe we let that slimy Lord-of-the-Rings wannabe use us!
Paige: She's like "Piper Light" - all of the personality without those messy emotions.
Phoebe: Relax, boys. I'm here to cook, not kill.
Phoebe: Will your friends be staying for dinner?
Cole: I'm going to find it hard enough to convince them to stay to the end of the meeting unless you you stop threatening to kill them.
Paige: Yeah, your friend Malek is gonna come back.
Phoebe: You don't know that.
Piper: That's what they do, Phoebe. They come back! They snarl and come back.
Piper: Paige could see that Cole had clearly turned evil. And she tried to tell me over and over and over and over and over and over...That doesn't even sound like a word anymore.
Paige: If she doesn't, we'll die.
Piper: Is that supposed to be comforting?
Piper: I always preferred quiet men. They make good listeners.
Leo: What's that, dear?
Phoebe: How can I go to the doctor when I have a demonically-challenged baby?
Piper: Did your baby just electrocute the nice doctor man?
Phoebe: Yeah...
Piper: Unborn babies do not perform magic tricks in the first trimester, Phoebe!
Piper: Don't panic, okay? We'll wrap up here and go home and panic.
Paige: Well, I guess that's what you get when you breed with the Source of All Evil.
Phoebe: Okay, can we not say breed, you know? I'm not a horse.
Paige: What the hell was that for?
Phoebe: Uh, I don't know. You'd have to ask him.
Piper: Okay. Why did your mommy push Paige out the window?
Darryl: Has anyone in this house learned the magic of a telephone?
Darryl: Where is the baby that everyone keeps talking about? Is it an invisible baby? Am I going to step on it?
Piper: Maybe your baby would prefer to listen to some Ozzy.
Piper: And I will hit the Book and figure out how to deal with...demonic fetuses.
Piper: Let me get this straight. You guys summoned me to a cage where my powers don't work so we can all die together?!?!
Paige: Well, the plan has some flaws admittedly.
Witch Way Now?
Angel of Destiny: We angels of destiny normally don't intervene, except in extraordinary situations. Mozart at age seven, Michelangelo, Albert Einstein...Britney Spears.
Paige: Huh?
Angel of Destiny: (about the girls' destiny) Truth be told, some of us didn't think you would achieve it at all, but that's beside the point.
Leo: Did you just freeze me?
Piper: No, dear. The Angel of Destiny did.
Piper: Havin' a crappy day?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Piper: Cole?
Phoebe: Yeah.
Angel of Destiny: By the way, thought you'd like to know that neither decision would have affected yours and Leo's personal destiny.
Piper: What?
Angel of Destiny: You'll find out soon.
Phoebe: Oh my God.
Piper: What?
Phoebe: Don't you get it?
Piper: What?
Phoebe: (to Paige) Don't you get it?
Paige looks puzzled.
Phoebe: She's pregnant!
Piper: Who's pregnant?
Phoebe: You're pregnant!
Piper: I'm pregnant?
Phoebe: Hi, baby... hi baby...