|
May 2000 |
July 7, 2002 |
My Little Angel
I felt you presence there inside of me,
nestled soft and warm;
Sweet scent of baby's breath,
Precious words left unadorned.
I saw your tiny heartbeat,
Then I knew that you were fine;
A perfect baby was created,
One that would be mine.
Then that tragic day it came
There was nothing I could do,
only wait and hope
For the precious life of you.
Yes in the beginning
Your daddy was afraid;
Only he would love you unconditional
And never run away.
He loves you more then I do know,
As he cried for you that day,
When the doctor said that you were gone,
Daddy wanted you to stay.
He would have held you close to him,
And see your prefect form, A gift of daddy's love,
Would have kept you safe and warm.
Only now you are an angel over me
Beautiful and bare,
My heart would hurt if you cried for me
And mommy wasn't there.
Still we are together in my heart and memories,
You are still a part of my memory.
Rest gentle now "sweet baby" there is no pain
You are never alone,
I know you are with the guiding angels
In your peaceful home.
I will come with you someday
Only now is not my time,
Then we will be together again
Again you will be mine.
~Our Story~
Well, my husband and I met in NY and a year later we moved to NC. We were married March 13, 2000. We found out a week later that we were going to have a baby. We set a doctor's appointment and when they did an ultrasound I found out that we were going to have twins. My husband didn't come in so he was waiting for me to come out. I couldn't wait to tell him that we were having two precious babies. When I came out he asked me how did everything go. I told him that we were having twins, he was so happy. Everything was going fine during the pregnancy. We had to change doctor's because the place was going to close down. When I set an appointment for another place they did an ultrasound and told me that the baby looked good. I told her that I was having twins. They said all we can find is one baby. I was really sad and upset. I couldn't believe that it was happening to me. I felt so bad. I didn't understand why? But I knew that I had to be strong for this unborn baby that I was carrying. On my due date Dec. 3, 2000, I had a beautiful baby girl. I just thanked God that she was ok. I had a lot of problems with the pregnancy but as long as she was ok I didn't care what was going on with me. I wish that my other baby could have been with us. I really think that the twin was a boy, so we named him Andrew. We love and miss him everyday. Everytime I look at my daughter I think that we should have had another baby walking around and playing with his sister. But I know he is watching and protecting her.
The next miscarriage happened on July 7, 2002. When we found out that we were going to have another baby it was the happiest day of my life. I took a test when my husband was at work. So he had no clue. When I found out about having another baby I told my daughter that I was going to have a baby. She would come up to me and rub my tummy and say hi, baby. She would also give my tummy a kiss. So it was hard when I lost the baby because how do you explain to a one year old that there's no baby in mommy's tummy anymore. She still wanted to kiss my tummy and say hi to the baby and that was really hard for me to deal with. When I found out I also called my Mom and told her that she was going to be a grandmother again. Everyone was happy. By the time my husband got home I told him and he couldn't believe it. He was really happy. He told me that he had a feeling that I was pregnant. Then on July 7, 2002, we decided to go fishing with one of my husband's friends. Everything was fine that day until I had to go to the bathroom. Of course there are no bathroom's in the woods, so I had to find me a place to go as I was going I noticed that I was bleeding. For some reason I knew that I lost the baby. I didn't tell my husband right away. When we got in the car I told him that I was bleeding. I came home and laid down for a little while just hoping that it would stop. Finally at like 2 AM i couldn't sleep I was in so much pain. I was going to go to the hospital but I had a doctor's appointment in the morning so I decided not to go. I think I didn't want to go because I knew that I lost the baby and in my mind I didn't want to believe it. So when I was at the doctor's they told me that I lost the baby. I came home and cried. I couldn't understand why this had to happen to me. I felt like I had already lost one baby why did I have to lose another one. I was hurting bad but I knew that I had to try to be strong for my daughter who is to young to understand everything. Not a day goes by without me thinking about them. But I know that they are with me.
One night when I went to bed I couldn't sleep for some reason. All of a sudden I felt someone hold my hand. It sent chills up my spine but I know that it was my babies telling me that everything would be ok. I will never forget them. They will always hold a place in our hearts.
We love you,
Mom, Dad, and Sister
Poems For My Babies
Daddy Do You Know
By Diana Wills
Daddy do you know...
How very much Mommy loves you so?
She talks about you all the time,
She says there's no one better,
Mommy tells me to just wait and see,
The kind of dad that you will be.
Daddy do you know...
I dream of sitting on your lap?
I can hear you voice; you make me laugh.
Everyone says that you're so loud,
Soften you voice, tone it down.
But they don't know that's who you are,
So full of life and teasing.
Just you wait it won't be long,
Until you get to meet me.
Daddy do you know...
I'm getting bigger everyday?
It's getting very crowed.
I kick and squirm with much protest,
I know mommy's doing her best,
She gives me hugs to let me know,
She's making room for me to grow.
I hear her say I'll be BIG like you
It won't be long Daddy, I'm excited are you?
Daddy do you know...
I hear a voice, it isn't yours?
It's calling me back to Heaven.
Don't be too sad; they need me there,
I'll try to be brave; I'm just like you,
Daddy's baby through and through.
So don't tell mommy, she'll just worry,
I'm going to go now; I'll be real quiet,
There's no hurry,
Take care of my mommy, I know she'll be sad.
You'll need to be strong,
You can do it; you're my dad.
Daddy do you know...
Why they wanted me here?
I learned from you what I needed.
I'm so full of life, there's so much to do.
I have big shoes to fill,
That's why God sent me you.
You'll be so proud, dad just wait and see,
I've become the baby you'd want me to be.
Although I know you and mommy are sad,
I send all my love to you, my mommy and my daddy.
Daddy do you know...
I'll see you again?
I can't tell you why, I can't tell you when.
But the one thing I can tell so you never forget.......
Daddy do you know...
I love you.
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~Thank You~
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