Okay kids, let's get a few things clear before ya get all touchy and start calling me names and "real mature" shit like that.
One: I am not a bitter, ugly woman with no one to send me Valentine gifts. (Sure I may have a small insecurity problem, but I'm not completely blind nor stupid...Shut up, you!)
Two: Yes, I have a heart of sorts. Most of the time it beats. And no, I'm in no way related to the Grinch so lay the Fuck off.
Three: No, there aren't any tragic reasons of a personal nature that haunt me every Feb 14. ( like, say, some maniac lighting my Dad on fire etc...)
The truth of the matter is, I hate pink....No, that's not it mumblemumblefuckit-The real truth is, it's all just a shitty way of getting the card companies a little extra income in (usually) slow month. It's a sneaky way of coming down from the spending high we get from Christmas. No, seriously, what is Valentines Day, anyway? Don't you kiss people all those other days of the year? Don't you eat chocolate and roll around all nude in pink cellophane...um...Wait a moment...Back up...Ahem. Point is, when I'm all gushy over some poor luckless human, I let them know EVERY DAY!!! (Or at least every other day...at the very least on every alternate tuesday...) For God's sake I don't just pick a day and say to myself, "Hey, (insert proper name of lust-like squishy object) will most likely be expecting me to buy that way expensive diamond choker on this day of all days! I gotta show him/her/it I truely love him/her/it or I'll be seen for the shallow just-out-to-get-the-nookie bastard that I really am." First of all, I'd probably pass out from such long run on sentences. Second of all, I have a brain in my fuckin' head and realise that people accept me exactly because I'm the just-out-to-get-the-nookie bastard that I really am. The poor dupes.
Where was I? Oh, free thinking. Hell, all that sentiant being shit's over rated. I don't know why I try. Go get yerself a bunch of ballons and have fun ON YOUR WAY STRAIGHT TO HELL!!!!
...And I'll be there with bells on...But certainly not because I have a thing for pink cellophane...
