An Argument About Money

By Sarah O�Donoghue

I�ve always wanted to try an alphabet story. The idea for this little conversation between the three main Legend characters popped into my head the other day and demanded to be written. Every new speech begins with a letter in alphabetical order, and I don�t think too many of them are forced � (except maybe for X � but *you* try to start a sentence with X! *grin*)

�All I�m saying is, why don�t we try to reduce our expenditure a little,� said Bartok.

�But Janos�� started Pratt.

�Can�t we try to save a *little* money?� argued the Hungarian scientist heatedly.

�Don�t think I don�t try!� declared the writer.

�Even if I believed you I would ask you to do a little more to curb your extravagances.�

�Fat chance. I�ve saved five dollars this month by getting Skeeter to cut my hair instead of the barber,� said Pratt with a shudder.

�Guaranteed to be taking your life into your hands,� agreed Bartok.

�How about reducing your equipment bills?�

�I only had to buy more instruments because Skeeter dropped and smashed the three boxes of glassware he was delivering to me.�

�Just a minute,� said Pratt with a frown, �you should never have got him to deliver the boxes in the first place. He�s far too accident prone.�

�Knowing what I know now I agree with you,� said Bartok ruefully.

�Let�s start again,� sighed Pratt, looking at their account books strewn all over the lab desks. There was a long silence as they pored over the figures.

�Maybe we could ask Mr Allen for a better advance on your next book?� suggested Ramos as he walked into the room, arms full of papers, books and paraphernalia.

�Not likely,� snorted Pratt.

�Ordinarily our patent money would cover our additional outgoings,� sighed Bartok, �but since that rogue Edison got his legal team up and running it has been far harder to register anything with the Patent Office.�

�Perhaps I could move in with Henrietta,� suggested Pratt, slyly, �I�d save a lot of money on rent!�

�Quite,� said Bartok archly.

�Rather than reduce essential expenses like Mr Pratt�s rent,� began Ramos with a pointed look at Ernest, �perhaps we should be looking at more ways to increase our revenue. Mr Pratt�s writing has been a little slow of late.�

�So you want me to write more books?� Pratt didn�t like the way this conversation was going.

�Try to think of it as safeguarding the luxuries you hold so dear,� suggested Bartok with a smirk.

�Uh uh.� Pratt shook his head vigorously. �You guys need to think of a better way to keep me in liquor and you in lab equipment.�

�Very well,� sighed Ramos, sorting rapidly through the work he had brought in with him. Pratt began to ponder as the Aztec scientist looked for whatever he was looking for.

�Whisky,� began Pratt, in a grand voice, �is essential to my well being, and therefore to your security. NO liquor equals unhappy writer ergo a pain in your necks.�

�X particles!� announced Ramos, triumphantly holding up a piece of paper covered in scribbled formulae with a flourish. �I�ve been working on establishing the existence of X particles for months. I finally completed the equations last night, so gentlemen, our financial future is secure!�

�You found irrefutable proof?� asked Bartok, �Congratulations, my friend!� He turned to Pratt. �Isn�t that wonderful, Ernest? Our problems are over!�

�Zzzzzzzz� was all that Pratt would say. He smiled and murmered in his doze, dreaming of wealth, liquor, and Henrietta.

Fin

This story copyright 2001 Sarah O�Donoghue. As with everything else on the Steampunk Central Website no profit is derived from this work, and all contents are for entertainment and educational purposes only. See main index page for full disclaimer.