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C-Man: You gonna hit any deer?
Jonny: A lot. I've got a semi! |
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C-Man: Jonny, are your thoughts like, "beep boop boop beep boop"?
Oakley: No, they're more like, "11000101001001101001001" |
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Q, after Savage spilled red paint on the basement carpet: "Now I'M going to have to clean that up because YOU'RE incompetent." |
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Clayton: Jonny, do you realize you just drove 10 miles out of the way?
Jonny: No, I've driven about (checks the odometer) eighty THOUSAND miles out of the way. |
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Pipes: I'd let Jonny suck my dick.
Elije: You're ... wrong! |
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Pipes: Jonny, wanna split three thousand dollars?
Jonny: Sure. . . Why?
Pipes: C-Man's gonna pay me $3000 if I put toothpaste on my breasts and rub them them on you.
Jonny: C-Man doesn't have $3000. |
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Mom: You mean he's like the "p-h-a-t" fat, right?
Pipes: No, he's fat... F-A-T fat.
Mom: That's not a very nice thing to say. |
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C-Man: "What about Turkish without his shirt on, huh?"
Sarah: "I think Turkish looks 43% more attractive than Jonny without his shirt on."
Jonny: "Yeah.... unless you're into stretch marks."
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Jonny: "I've been driving here all day."
Oakley: "It took you all day to drive here?"
Jonny: "It took me 200 miles from Wausau to drive here..."
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Jonny: "Ooooh! A state trooper! Now that gets my pussy wet!"
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C-Man: "... And then you'll touch Sarah's boobs, right?"
Jonny: "Nnnooo!"
Sarah: "How do you know you've never rolled over and touched them when you've slept next to me?"
Jonny: "I don't doubt I've titty-fucked you in my sleep...... ..... ...Hmmm ... ... Did I just say that out loud!?" |
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J5: Do you think that means "35% Less Jonny"? |
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Pipes: I guess I'll just sit here and have the boobs of the group...
J5: HEY!
Pipes: All right, fine, I'll be the estrogen stockpile. |
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Em says:
i think that me and you should go shopping, then i can help you be a girl |
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Oakley on looking up porn to send to Ben: I'm not sure what she's doing, but it looks like something Ben will enjoy... |
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Pipes: Why do your friends all hate you?
Beck: Because I'm your sister and they think you're weird... But joke's on them, cuz I'm weird, too! |
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Mindy: But you can't insult Tony...
Ben: Yeah, you can. Just tell him he's a conservative.. a majority.. a consumer.. |
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"Yeah, you know how they oppress those tall white protestant males..." |
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Tony about Ben's editorial readers: Now that you've got them in your clutches you've gotta give 'em a left, and give 'em a ... nother left! and a left, left, left! |
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Jonny: Hiya. Just calling to let you guys know that I just drove through Cleveland, Ohio. And now I've gotta take a piss. |
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C-Man: What are you doing?
Jonny: All of these colors are confusing me!
Q: All 3 of them? |
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Jonny: Are you making out with any boys there?
Beck: No.
Jonny: Are you making out with any Girls there?
Beck: Jonny, I'll start making out with girls when YOU start making out with girls. |
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Q: Oh, these pineapple ones taste GREAT!
Bildo: Really?
Q: NO! |
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little neighbor girl: Jeffery, you're an idiot!
Jeffery: No, I'm not.
little neighbor girl: Yeah you are... I name all my animals "Jeffery". |
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Jonny: Of course they're from China, there's how many billions of people in China!
C-Man: One. |
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C-Man: What's your 10-Donkey?
J5: My huge cock. |
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"OK, pretend that these memory sticks are Jonnys. And these slots are Mercury Tracers. You don't wanna put two Jonnys in one Tracer, cuz it'll be too slow. One Jonny in each Tracer and they can zoom along fast." |
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"Do you think Megan would think I'm weird if I requested one turd?" |
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"Put it on the internet!" -Tony, about the blooming rose |
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Oakley: But how can you multiply shit times two?
Cman: Because your eyes are dark brown. |
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