SPOUSES

-Piano bench

-Rabid raccoon

-Il Mitch

-Spongebob Squarepants

-Oscar the grouch

-Grandma's Sweater

-A fannypack model

SALARY

-1 billion

-0

- -34 billion

-3 mice

-Massages from old people in nursing home across the street

-A pimply toad

-A warm pat on the bum by the KKK

-Michael Jackson massage

-3 strands of hair from Galadriel

-An upside down bar stool (for Greg)

-A bongo full of spiked orange juice

OCCUPATIONS

-Nose hair plucker

-Professional beaver-skin dealer

-Albatross soup vender

-Professional fly zipper

-Groner impersonator

-Lumberjack

-Music Stand vender

-Weevil

-Shredded wheat weaver

-Bandana maker

-Strawberry Picker

WEDDING DRESS

-Flourescent Brown

-Sparkly lime

-Lime green with purple flames

-See through

-Stained rag

-Cellophane

-Garbage bag

-Oatmeal (and sugar)

-Garbage can

-Nothing (with imagination)

-Ripped up teddy bears

-Beef stroganoff

-The beach ball

FOOD AT WEDDING

-Three month old pork and beans

-Raw pig/penguin

-Break dancing bananas

-Peanut butter jelly and a baseball bat

-Leftover cheese

-Stuff from "Never Been Licked"

-Beef stroganoff (roadkill)

-Floppy ears

-Mad cow flesh

-Man flesh

-Orc flesh

-Spiked orange juice

-Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts

-Hamster Huey and the Gooie Kablooie

HONEYMOON/LIVING LOCATIONS

-North Pole

-Birch Creek

-Middle of the Sahara

-Mom's house

-Prison

-Inside a boxing glove

-Under a rock

-Iraq

-Ill Mitch's jacuzzi

-On top of the sand mountain

-Between two pillows

-In greg's lost pants

-A music shop

-Under the Bed

-Between two slices of bread

-In a tank of pond scum

-With Mr. Mantell

TRANSPORTATION

-School bus

-Roller skates

-Broken Hovercraft

-Ice skates

-Weinermobile

-Cockroach

-Balloon chair

-Imaginary plastic trike

-Flying multicolored pillow

-Charlie's back

-Lumberjackmobile (log)

-Being blown by his own hot air (Chris)

-Rodeo bull

PURPOSES IN LIFE

-To aid weevils

-Being able to karatekick kids' heads off

-To seek the Holy Grail

-To blow own nose

-To pluck eyebrows

-To be secure with his sexuality (Chris)

-To mash potatoes to infinity

-To be funny (Chris)