The Effects of Divorce on Children:

According to research done in 1968, approximately one of four marriages ends in a divorce (Wolmen, 893). In today’s society, the percentage of divorce is almost at 50%. In Southern California, the divorce rate is almost at 80%, according to some sources. This percentage has nearly doubled in the last 30 years, and nearly tripled in Southern California alone. This is an alarming rate, especially because many of the marriages that end in divorce have many problems with child custody. In nineteen different states, 72% of the children end up living with the mother while only 10% live with the father (Hughes). These rates are slowly increasing as Americans become more independent. It is believed that the cause of divorce was the growing need for independence, according to. Since the “no-fault divorce” was introduced, a third of marriages in Canada are null and void, and a third of those divorces include children (Rotheisler). The idea of a divorce has become more and more acceptable to today’s society, and these divorces affect the children involved in various ways. There are many different ways that children are affected by a divorce. There is a need for people to be educated about the children who are affected by divorce, so then they might consider waiting for marriage. This is to prevent the majority of divorces, which are caused by people rushing into marriage.

One way a child is changed by a divorce would be emotionally. Even children at the early age of 1 year will be affected by a divorce. With babies what they feel is the distress of their custodial parent (Francke 58). Francke writes about how there are a few advantages of a baby being involved in a divorce over an older child. One example would be that he/she would not really have to miss the missing parent because he/she has never really gotten to know him/her. These “positive” viewpoints are overpowered by the emotional affects of the child. In 90% of divorces, the father leaves the household (Francke 59). Because of this, boys are affected emotionally much greater than girls. According to Linda Francke, in Growing Up Divorced, little boys have a conflict with authority, meaning that his “noncompliance” with authority escalated and intensifies with age and with divorce. The boy may also have more of a demand for his mother’s attention than a toddler girl. Erik Erikson, a psychosocial theorist, discovered that during the preschool ages, the child develops a moral order (Francke 73).

When a child during his/her preschool years experiences a divorce, he/she may begin to feel that he/she is responsible for the divorce. Because of this “guilt trip” they go through they may develop different ways of handling it. For example, he/she may become the “good child”, or go into denial about what has happened. The child may also become angry, regressive, or oedipal. This oedipal child cries out for the affection of the parent of the opposite sex, and may come to believe that he/she is the cause of the divorce because he/she may have wished the parent of the same sex to go away.

Children between the ages of 6-8 will go through an emotional period of sadness. This time in the children’s lives is a more quiet stage, where they become fascinated with their parents and begin to like them. When a child is separated from his parent he will become sad. The parents of that child is the core of the child’s relationships, when one is ripped out of that center, he/she may become angry, fearful, or deprived. He may also feel betrayed by his parents (Francke 90).

A child between the ages of nine and twelve will still be “at peace” with his/her parent, but it becomes more strained as his/her adolescence approaches. This is at an age when the child feels more independent and understands the world better than the years before. Usually, when the parents divorce while the child is in this stage of his/her life, the child may become very angry of vengeful. The child may feel that he/she does not receive enough parental attention; therefore, he/she may force themselves to become sick or get into accidents that cause the parent to come running to help him/her (Francke 133).

In some ways an adolescent child is at an advantage with a divorce than a younger child. The teenager can recognize that there was a problem with his/her mother and father and makes the connections that it is not/ his/ her fault for the divorce. The teenager is at a disadvantage because he/she not only feels the sadness, anger, and betrayal, he/she also feels embarrassment or shame because divorce is not really an everyday thing (in the past it has not been). The teenager is trying to find himself/herself and also wants to fit in, but there is no way to fit in when he/she is branded as a child of a divorce. All of the emotional feelings that are created with a divorce throughout the child’s life sometimes affects his life permanently. Yes, there is a good percentage of children who will not divorce because of his/her dramatic childhood, but most of the time a divorce will cause depression.

Sometimes the actions of the parents’ divorce may cause physical injury to the child. Many teenagers, who are very emotional, may look to drugs, alcohol, and/or aggressive behavior to handle the divorce. Dugs and alcohol has been proven to hinder the bodies of those who use them (Francke 152). The child may become addicted to the drugs, and might possibly die because of an overdose. He/she may become an alcoholic and either die from cancer or alcoholic related illnesses later in life or get into a car accident. A younger child, 8-12 years of age, may feel as though he/she is the cause of his/her parents’ divorce and may lead to depression. Many times depression may lead to physical injury. Physical injury is the breaking away from his/her emotional pain.

In the tragic court case “DeShaney v. Winnebago County Department of Social Securities, a poor young boy, Joshua, was a victim of his father’s abuse. His parents were divorced a year after his birth, and the courts granted his father custody of him. His father later on remarried and this marriage ended in divorce. The father, Randy DeShaney, had gotten a divorce because of his violent behavior. This was his second divorce. The social worker suspected violence toward Joshua because Randy’s second wife had told police that he did in fact hit the baby. Randy DeShaney was a mentally ill person. The fact that he was divorced caused his anger to soar. The only way to hold back his anger and frustration was to hit the baby. This caused physical injury to the child of this divorce. By the end of the case, the child was beaten so brutally that he had become brain damaged. His mother had taken this to court to sue the social workers that had found no evidence of these violent acts. This is a depressing case, because there was that possibility that if the couple had stayed together the mother could have protected the boy, but she could no because the father had full custody, and had moved away from the couple’s previous home.

Divorce is a terrible event, 1 out of every 6 children has to suffer through a divorce. As a nation with the highest divorce rate, it should start to educate the couples about the emotional and physical effects divorce has on children. All children are involved in this suffering, and it is painful to see the divorce rates increase, which is only affecting more and more children every year. There are so many times when children are caught in the middle of the divorce. They begin to feel overwhelmed by their parents’ divorce. Divorce should only be between the married couple, but when children exist in that family, a divorce will affect everyone. Many people do not realize that their own divorce does indeed change the lifestyles of everyone around them. This causes more problems than good, in most cases. Because people do not realize the affects, they do not understand. When people understand the different horrible outcomes, then the rate will possibly reduce, or they will come up with ways for a child to be able to deal with such trauma.

Works Cited

Children of Divorce. Narr. Fred Barns. 2000. Documentary. PBS 2000.

Crouch, John. “Divorce Rates in Families with Children”. http://www.divorcereform.org/mel/rhistories.html. 16 Dec. 2003

“Divorce Online”. www.divorceonline.com. 9 December, 2003.

Francke, Linda Bird. Growing Up Divorced: Helping your child through the stages of. New York: Linden Press/ Simon & Schuster, 1983.

Hickey, Elizabeth. “Reassuring Your Child”. Divorce Magazine. Dec.: 2003

Hughes, Robert. “The Effects of Divorce on Children”. http://www.hec.ohio-state.edu/famlife/divorce/effects.htm. 9 Dec.

United States. Wisconsin State. DeShaney V. Winnebago County Department of Social Services. Winnebego: LII, 1988.

Wolman, Benjamin. “Marriage and Divorce”. Handbook of General Psychology. New Jersey: Prentice-Hall, 1977.