Tangled Web

By Sarah & Lanie

Chapter 20

Cameron sped out of the Cory driveway. He had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he had had only one other time. He paid no attention to red lights as he raced toward this destination.

So you're having a breakdown
So you're losing the fight
So you're having a breakdown
And I'm driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
I'm coming to your breakdown tonight

Tess lay in a ball on the couch. The sobs were still wracking her body. Her life was crashing down around her and she was alone. She cried harder as the loneliness and pain overtook her.

I cannot run
I cannot hide
It came with me locked inside
The bough will break
The cradle will fall
It only takes one call

Cameron's car skidded to a stop outside the building. He quickly disabled the security system and rushed inside. Cameron had no time for the elevator so he took the stairs two at a time. He reached for the doorknob and his heart beat a frantic rhythm as the door swung open.

So you're having a breakdown
So you're losing the fight
So you're having a breakdown
And you need me tonight...

Cameron held his breath as he looked at the still, quiet form on the couch. He hesitated for a moment before he ran to the couch and kneeled beside her. When he touched her Tess jumped, but remained in the tight ball.

I found my place in this downtown
Salt air and yellow street lights
So you're having a breakdown
And I'm driving and crying
Unraveled and flying
I'm coming to your breakdown tonight…

"I’m here," Cameron whispered.

Tess shook her head back and forth. "Go away. Go away," she bade softly.

"No," he said as he pulled at her shoulders. "I’m not going anywhere. Shhhh… " Cameron soothed.

Cameron managed to get Tess to sit upright, and then he pulled her into the circle of his arms. She held tight and her tears soaked the front of his shirt. Cameron said nothing as he held tight to Tess. He had only seen her like this one other time. It was five years ago when her father had been murdered in a drug bust, leaving Tess completely alone with few close relatives. Cameron had literally supported her through the entire ordeal. At the funeral, he had held her upright, and for the week following, they had remained in Houston, just the two of them. She had been inconsolable, but Cameron had held fast, keeping her close and making sure that she was never left alone.

"Tell me about it," Cameron urged. "What’s got you so upset?"

Tess shook her head against him. Cameron pried the picture from her hand and looked into the face of Tess’s father.

"I…can't…do this…anymore…"

"What?" Cameron asked.

"I can’t pretend. I can’t bounce from town to town not having roots anywhere," Tess told him in a tight voice. "I have feelings, Cameron."

Cameron looked into her red eyes, then wiped at the tears with his thumbs. "I know you do."

"Promise me…"

Cameron took her hands in his. "What?"

Tess looked at him. "Promise me that when this is over, we are going to Kane together and quitting. You and me together."

"You can’t quit, Tess. It will never happen."

"You’re here, Cameron."

"Yes, I’m here," Cameron agreed, not understanding her line of thinking.

"No, you’re here…here in Bay City . . . .you like it…you’re settled. I want to have a home, too. I want to be close."

"What are you saying, Tess? I’ve never heard you talk like this before."

"We nail Harrison, and then we become civilians . . .you and me," Tess said anxiously.

"You know that I want out as much as you do, but you know that they’ll never let us completely out."

"Yes, they will, and I have all I need to get us both out."

Cameron stared at her, wondering what she could possibly have.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Gary crept up to the door. It had only taken him a short time to figure out which apartment Cameron was inside. Gary leaned against the wall for a moment to catch his breath before he moved in.

It had not been hard to find Cameron. He knew the route Cameron took to Bay City. Gary had simply pulled in behind him after Cameron’s car passed the place Gary had waited. Keeping up with him from that point on had not been easy. Cameron had ignored traffic signals, taken side streets and driven like a stock car driver to get to this place. Gary was still in shock. He had seen Cameron jimmy a lock many times. He had seen his brother immobilize security systems as well. But he had never seen anything like he had tonight. Cameron usually fumbled with those things for several minutes before he had success, but tonight everything had been very smooth and lightening quick. In fact, if Gary had not been watching him so closely, he would have sworn that Cameron had the keys and the security code to this building.

Gary had no idea what was going on. He leaned his ear against the door and heard the soft voices talking anxiously. Bingo! That was Cameron. Gary pounded on the door, then stepped aside.

Cameron and Tess both jumped at the loud, unexpected banging.

"Were you expecting someone?" Cameron asked. Tess slowly shook her head. "Where’s your gun?"

Tess calmly retrieved the gun and holster from underneath the couch. Cameron grabbed it and motioned for her to answer the door. Tess stiffly walked across the carpet to the door and peered out the peephole.

"There’s no one there," she whispered.

Cameron stood beside the door. He cocked the gun and motioned for her to open the door. Tess twisted the knob and flung the door wide. Gary stepped in the entryway and glared at Tess. As Tess stepped aside, Cameron waylaid Gary. He slammed him against the wall and stuck the gun in Gary’s face. Cameron immediately lowered the gun and loosened his grip when he saw the familiar face.

"Gary . . .what are you doing here?" Cameron asked in confusion.

Gary narrowed his eyes and looked between Cameron and Tess. "That’s exactly what I was about to ask you. Would you put that thing away?"

Cameron looked down at the gun. Tess took it from him and walked to the couch. She placed the gun back in the holster and looked between the two brothers.

"You know, for a split second when I figured out whose apartment you were in, I thought you were having an affair," Gary said as he walked toward Tess. "Now that I am in here, I’ve got all kinds of things running through my head. I want the truth. I want it now!"

"Gary, Tess is having some problems that…"

"Uh-uh, you can quit right there. Let me start with what I’ve seen. I’ve seen you nervous as a cat in a room full of rocking chairs. You’ve been secretive. You appear and disappear with little explanation. I watched you break into this building in a split second. I just saw you wielding a gun like a pro. That isn’t just your garden-variety gun, either. That is some major firepower. I’ve seen the two of you together many times, and there’s always this underlying familiarity that I could never put my finger on. You’ve been deceiving all of us ever since the first day you strolled into Bay City, haven’t you? And you’re lying to us now."

"Just listen for a minute, Gary. You’ve got it all wrong," Cameron pleaded, knowing this was not going to be an easy confrontation.

"I think I’m going to leave the two of you to work this out," Tess stated and turned to walk out of the room.

"No, you stay right where you’re at," Gary commanded. He only raised his eyebrows in response to her icy glare. "So who are you working for, Cam? I mean really working for."

"Be careful…" Tess warned Cameron under her breath.

"Tess, I think we need to come clean…"

"He's a civilian, Cameron. We can't risk…"

"A civilian?" Gary interrupted incredulously. "Of all the… You're working for the Feds, aren't you?"

Cameron gave Tess a look that silently said, and you're telling me to be careful? Tess sighed and shook her head, chiding herself for the careless statement. Cameron glanced over at Gary. The look on his brother's face was filled with cold determination. Cameron's eyes returned to Tess's. Her expression was exhausted and held a dawning sense of resignation.

Cameron and Tess looked at Gary. "You’re right, Gary. I’ve been lying to all of you, and today it stops. Let’s sit down."

"I think I’ll stand, thank you," Gary gritted. His anger was emanating from every part of his body.

Tess ignored Gary and disappeared into the kitchen to leave the brothers to sort things out. Cameron started to pace.

"Ten years ago this guy came to prison. I had only been there a few weeks. He offered me a job with the FBI in a special undercover unit. They gave another guy my identity in the prison system. I could not contact anyone else, which at the time was not hard. They took me to Quantico, Virginia. It was there that I was paired with . . ."

" . . .me," Tess finished as she walked back into the room with a pot of coffee and some mugs. "They put us together from the very beginning. We’ve been partners ever since."

"Why you? Why did they take you out of prison?"

Cameron shook his head. "I don’t know. I’ve never known why . . ."

Tess opened and closed her mouth. Now was not the time for her revelation.

"So you never spent one day in prison and you’ve been working for the FBI since you were eighteen?"

Cameron nodded. "So now you know."

"What exactly is your job? What kind of operations…"

"I’ve done it all, Gar. I’ve worked undercover, and I’ve done suicide missions."

"He’s one of the best agents the FBI has," Tess stated.

"So from the first moment you appeared in Bay City, you have been on a mission for the FBI?"

"Not the entire time. True, they sent me here to find a hit man, but when that was over, they didn’t contact me until now. You have to understand that I’m a virtual prisoner. All of us on this team feel more like prisoners than G-men. The fact is with me they can send me back to the slammer at any time."

"So what was the deal with Josie training with you at Quantico?" Gary asked.

Cameron grimaced. "It was all a part of my cover. They knew it was a risk for them to pair me with Josie, and we had to be prepared if you discovered that I was working in Bay City."

"Does Amanda know about this?" Gary asked.

"No……nothing."

"You’ll have to excuse me, but this is a little too much to digest all at once."

"I’m sorry. I really don’t know what else to say."

Gary pinned him with his eyes. "I was a cop, Cam. On some level, I can understand, but on another, I’m mad as hell."

"I know it’s hard to understand, Gary. The unit of the FBI that we are in is highly specialized and very secretive. It’s a case where the less the people you care about know the more secure they are," Tess told him, hoping she could help Cameron in some small way.

"So what’s your story? From what I heard before I came in there, the two of you are pretty tight."

Tess and Cameron looked at each other. Cameron nodded slightly and Tess responded. "Cameron and I have been partners for ten years. We’ve been through hell together…been there for each other through every up and down over the years professionally and personally. Cameron is my rock…he's not only my partner, but he is my best friend…my family. I can assure you that there’s nothing romantic about our relationship whatsoever."

"I’m sure that will make Amanda feel better," Gary stated. "So when are you calling a family meeting? Or shall I take the liberty?"

"We can’t tell anyone, Gar. If they all knew what was going on, their lives would be in danger."

"You have told me nothing that would warrant my life being in danger," Gary said.

"Okay, then maybe you need to hear it all. Grant Harrison is alive and kicking."

Gary’s eyes bulged as he looked back and forth between Tess and Cameron. "No way! I saw the bastard and he was dead!"

Tess laid her hand on Gary’s arm. "We had the body exhumed. The corpse looks like Harrison, but when you look more closely, you see the lines."

"Lines?" Gary asked.

"The scars from extensive plastic surgery. Furthermore, we compared blood samples with those of Harrison and they don’t match. A DNA test was conducted as well with a sample from his brother. No match."

Gary held up his hand. "Wait a minute. Wait just a minute here. Why would you compare a DNA sample of Ryan Harrison’s with Grant's when you could have his own child’s DNA tested?"

"Because we had free access to Ryan, but not to Kirkland," Tess stated.

Gary again looked back and forth between Cameron and Tess. "You had free access to Ryan Harrison? What? Does the FBI have his body in a freezer somewhere?"

Cameron took a deep breath. "Gary. …."

"I’ll answer that question for you, Maverick," a male voice said as he walked into the living room from the kitchen.

Gary’s jaw dropped and his eyes opened wide. "You . . .you…"

"That’s right, Gary. I’m alive," Ryan Harrison told him with a slight smile.

"I didn’t realize you were here," Cameron told him.

Ryan laughed. "You were so busy getting here that you didn’t notice anything," Ryan admonished. "I thought I trained you better than that."

Cameron smiled. "I was worried about Devlin."

"Really, I couldn’t tell from the black marks you left in the driveway," Ryan replied sarcastically.

"Were you watching me, Scout?" Cameron asked, feeling his anger start to build.

"Actually, no, I wasn’t. I was following Carl. But when you tore out of there like you did, I was afraid something had gone down so I followed you." Ryan shot a glance at Tess. "Sorry about the breaking and entering, Dev. I wanted to see for myself that you were all right, so I came up the fire escape." Tess waved off Ryan's apology as unnecessary. She would have done the same thing in his place.

"Maverick…Scout…Devlin…?" Gary asked.

"Those are our code names. Maverick is Cameron’s for obvious reasons," Ryan replied, then reached over and pinched Cameron’s cheek.

"This is almost too much to take," Gary said, noting the brotherly gesture.

"You’ll understand then why Cameron has been so secretive. Why he could not tell you everything…"

Gary nodded. "I’m beginning to see a lot."

"The only reason I revealed myself to you is that I know you were a good cop and I know you understand the seriousness in keeping our cover," Ryan continued. "Mav, he was right about one thing. You do need to explain to Amanda before things get dangerous. Knowing her penchant for getting into trouble, she would be better off knowing that you are on a case."

Cameron nodded in agreement.

"I want to tell Josie, too," Gary said. "It is so weird seeing you standing right in front of me, and I won't even get into how strange it is to know you and Cameron are working together."

"It’s about to get even stranger, Gary."

Gary’s eyes bulged once again. "Who else have you got in that kitchen? Jimmy Hoffa?"

Michael extended his hand to Gary. Gary haltingly placed his hand in his Michael's, allowing him to pump it up and down.

"You…. you're…..I…First Grant, then Ryan, and now…you."

"I know it’s a shock. The four of us have been together for a while," Michael told him. "Ryan trained Cameron. How’s that for you? Each of the people you see in front of you is a member of my family. I take that seriously. When I was first introduced to you, Gary, it was so strange, because I felt like I already knew you because of Cameron."

"When you said that you were undercover, you meant deeply undercover. How did they…..this is all too much…"

Michael's eyes bored into Gary. "Then you understand the magnitude of this operation and the importance for secrecy. All it would take is for one little leak and someone could end up hurt or even worse….dead. Grant Harrison is a slow poison."

"Where is he? I mean, is he here in Bay City?"

"There is one person in Bay City who knows his whereabouts, but he's been covering his tracks carefully. There is evidence that Grant was here only a short time ago. Knowing Grant, he's probably sipping mai taies in some island paradise," Michael told him.

"Then he has to be stopped," Gary stated.

"I'm glad you see it. So you'll stop giving your brother a hard time and let him do his work?" Michael asked.

Gary looked at Cameron. He clenched his jaw tightly, then nodded. "My only conditions are that Cameron tell both Amanda and Josie what is going on. I'm not keeping a secret like this from Josie, and he can not continue lying to Amanda."

Michael looked at Cameron. "I do have conditions of my own. Amanda and Josie can know Cameron's involvement in the case, but no one else's. This operation has enough risks involved as it is. Do you understand, Gary?

Gary nodded. "I understand. So Cameron can tell Josie and Amanda?"

"Cameron, are you ready to do this?" Michael asked.

Cameron nodded. "I'm tired of the lies. It's time Amanda knows exactly what's going on."

"Good. Now, Gary, I need you to follow me into the kitchen for a little debriefing."

Gary followed Michael without another word.

Cameron walked over to Tess and put his arm around her shoulders. "This night sure turned out differently than I planned."

"Why did you come here?" Tess asked.

"I just had a feeling that you needed me."

Tess nodded looking down at her appearance. "If you don't mind, I'm going to go change clothes."

Cameron nodded and Tess walked to her bedroom. He looked up at Ryan.

"I'm sorry, man. I was so intent on getting here that I didn't notice anything. It was a foolish mistake."

Ryan stared at him for a moment before answering. "You know better than to let your guard down, Mav, but I'll save the lecture for another time. What is wrong with Devlin? She looks like she's been through the wringer."

Cameron stared off into the distance. "Sometimes you just get enough of this business, and you've got to let it out. This is starting to get to her. She'll bounce back. She's already put her agent's face back on. Don't worry. I'm taking care of her."

Ryan looked toward the closed door of Tess's bedroom. "I think you've got your hands full tonight. I'll stay with her."

Cameron nodded. "Are you going to tie her up? Because she's not going to want you babysitting her."

"I'll just keep her up all night talking about the case. She'll never know the difference, " Ryan said with a smile.

"I'd much rather be doing that than doing what I have to do. Right now a firing squad sounds better than facing Amanda and Josie."

Ryan patted him on the back as Cameron let out a deep sigh.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tess stared at herself in the mirror. She had pulled on a pair of gray jogging pants and a navy tee shirt. In the center of the shirt was a large silver emblem, a perfect circle with a cutout star in the center and the words "Texas Ranger". Tess gathered her hair then twisted an elastic band around it securing it into a ponytail. She wiped at her face with a wash cloth trying to remove the damage her run in the rain and her tears had done.

"Matt…" she whispered.

Her mind raced with thoughts. What is he doing right now? What is he thinking? Why did he say that? What was she going to tell him? She felt her anxiety rising again. Tess squared her shoulders and pushed it aside.

"I have a job to do," she said out loud, then walked back to join the others.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Matt slammed the door to his studio. He strode toward the windows with an angry stride.

"How could you have been so stupid?" Matt asked out loud. His frustration with himself was evident in his tone.

He had gone over the conversation several times in his head. Something had been wrong from the beginning. The look on her face was emblazoned in his head. From the moment he had met her, he had never seen raw fear in her eyes. She had been stunned when he had found her with Logan, but it was nothing like the look she had had tonight. The thought of losing her was more than he wanted to think about. Maybe a little time and distance would bring her back. But how could he leave her alone?

Matt pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and punched in Tess's number. He was about to press "send" when the door opened behind him. He spun around and saw Amanda standing in the doorway. With one look, he could tell that she was distraught. Matt put his phone away and walked to his sister.

"Amanda, what's wrong?" He asked as he placed his hands on her shoulders.

Amanda squared her shoulders trying to put on a brave face, but her concern was clearly mirrored on her face. She shook her head. "I don't know, Matt. I just know that I’m scared."

"You're safe here. There's no need to be afraid. No one can hurt you anymore."

Amanda shrugged away from him, placing her hand on her waist as she walked toward the windows. "You're wrong, Matt. You see, when you love someone, you give them the power to hurt you."

Matt followed closely behind her. "What? Are you talking about Cameron?"

Amanda nodded. "You give them that power, and there's nothing you can do to stop it when it starts."

"Tell me what has happened?"

Amanda turned around quickly. "Where do I begin? Cameron gets mysterious phone calls. He disappears all the time, then has no explanation of where he has been. Don't tell me that you haven't noticed."

Matt had noticed. But he had also noticed someone else doing those same things. Could Tess and Cameron be having an affair?

"Maybe he's just working on a case. He is a private investigator, Amanda."

"I know, Matt, but this is different. Even Gary has noticed it. Cameron is gone right now."

"When? I mean, when did he leave?"

"He's been gone about an hour now."

"So he came back here and left again?"

Amanda raised her eyebrows at him. "What do you know?"

Matt turned so that Amanda could not see his face and started to walk toward the windows.

"Nothing," he said and continued walking away from her.

Amanda reached him in a few strides. She grabbed his arm, turning him toward her. Amanda's eyes blazed.

"Tell me what you know! I see it in your eyes. Tell me!"

"I saw him with someone earlier."

Amanda continued to hold on to Matt's arm. "Who?"

Matt raised his eyes to hers. "Tess. I saw him with Tess."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gary and Cameron trudged toward Gary and Josie's apartment. Gary was still trying to absorb all he had heard and seen at Tess's apartment. Every once in a while he would shake his head, hoping the movement would relieve the shock, but it still had not. Cameron looked as if he were walking to his death. He did not look forward to a confrontation with Josie. He knew that it would only lead to more tension that he really did not want right now. He stopped outside as Gary opened the door.

Gary gave him a sharp look when he did not walk inside. "Well, what are you waiting on?" He demanded.

Cameron closed his eyes for a moment before answering. "Can't this wait until tomorrow? I mean, Josie is probably already asleep, and I don't want to wake her up."

Gary narrowed his eyes at him. "Believe me. She won't mind. Now get in here and take your medicine."

Cameron knew that it was useless to argue further with Gary and stepped inside. Josie walked into the living room from the kitchen.

"Hey there, Slugger, pulling an all-nighter?" She asked with a smile.

Her smile disappeared when she saw the looks on both of their faces. She stared at them with concern.

"What's wrong? What has happened?" She asked with anxiety seeping into her tone.

Gary walked forward and placed his hands on her shoulders. "J, it's nothing that bad, but it is very serious. I want you to sit down. Cameron is here to tell you all about it. Cam?"

Cameron moved toward Josie and stood in front of her. Josie looked up at him from the couch.

"What is it, Cameron?" She asked with deep concern.

Cameron rubbed his forehead, then looked Josie directly in the eye and said, "I don't know where to start. I think I need to begin with our first meeting at Quantico."

"Quantico? I don't understand."

"Let him talk, J, and you'll understand very soon," Gary assured her as he sat on the couch beside her.

"Our entire meeting at Quantico was carefully orchestrated."

"I know. You were afraid I wouldn't work with you if I knew that you were Gary's brother."

"That's true, but there are things that happened before that," Cameron began then started to pace. "The truth is that the training was all a cover. At the time we went through that training, I had been in a specialized unit of the FBI for ten years."

Josie shook her head. "I don't understand."

Cameron stopped pacing for a moment and looked her in the eye. "It happened a short time after I went to prison for Pop's murder. The FBI recruited me for this highly specialized unit, so you see it wasn't all a lie. It just happened ten years before."

Josie was beginning to understand what Cameron was trying to tell her.

"So you're telling me the whole business of me watching over this con was nothing but a set up. There was never any danger of you being sent back to prison."

Cameron nodded. "That's the way it works with them, Josie. You should know that by now."

"So the entire time I was walking around thinking that I was in charge of the investigation you were the senior operative. You were in charge the entire time."

"Yeah, I was in control of everything."

Josie stood so that she could look Cameron in the eye. " I put my life and my marriage on the line for a game that you were playing."

"Josie, I…." Cameron managed to get out before her fist connected with his chin.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Amanda paced the floor of her bedroom. She kept glancing over at the clock, then the door. Her emotions were in a tailspin. She was determined to stay awake until Cameron came home. Amanda wasn't going to allow this secrecy to go on any longer.

Her mind kept drifting back to what Matt had told her earlier. I saw him with Tess. The words kept repeating inside Amanda's head, louder and louder until she thought she would scream from the pain. All the things she'd dismissed as nothing suddenly seemed like damning evidence: The time she'd seen the two of them at Cory, acting more familiar than casual acquaintances should act; the time she'd heard a woman's voice over the phone before Cameron had hung it up.

Amanda hated what she was thinking, but there didn't seem to be another viable explanation. Was her husband having an affair with Tess? If that wasn't it, what else could explain Cameron's strange behavior and evasiveness? Amanda sat down in a chair and tried to remain calm. No matter what was going on, Amanda was determined to get the truth… tonight.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cameron rubbed his jaw and looked at Josie. Her eyes were shooting fire. In a bland tone, he asked, "Are you done? Or are you planning to take another swing at me?"

"Don't tempt me," Josie said with calm ferocity. Then, she laughed humorlessly. "Boy, you sure must have had a great time watching me make a complete idiot of myself! Coaching you at Quantico when all the while you knew better than I did how to fire a gun, how to conduct an investigation… That must have been a real kick for you, huh? Big secret agent man humoring the dumb little local cop."

"It wasn't like that, Josie. I wanted to let you in on it from the beginning but they said I had to keep quiet, just in case you found out who I really was. And I never looked down on you. You were a great partner-"

"Right!" Josie replied sarcastically. "The 'great partner' who couldn't be trusted. But just for argument's sake, let's say I believe you. If you were this big hotshot deal at the FBI, then why did you hang around here after the case was over? Was it that you just hadn't had enough time to lie to all of us and laugh at us behind our backs? Was that it?"

Cameron sighed heavily. "No. I figured the minute the charges against me were dropped that the bureau would pull me back in. That's why when Gary was still in the hospital I told him that I was leaving town. I had a meeting with the leader of our team. He could see that my mind wasn't in the work. He told me to get my life straightened out before coming back to work, because with the state I was in, I was bound to get myself or someone else killed."

"So you took a leave of absence from the hero business?"

Although Josie had made the comment sarcastically, Cameron answered her seriously. "In a way, I guess you could say that I did. I stayed in Bay City to try and make things right. And once I finally did, the FBI called me back into service. I didn't want to keep working for them. I didn’t want to have all the lies and the secrets again, but they didn't give me a choice."

"Forgive me if I don't overflow with sympathy," Josie replied caustically. "So why now? After all this time, why did you finally decide to come… clean…" Josie's eyes slowly turned to where Gary was sitting on the couch. He'd been silent throughout her entire exchange with Cameron. There was something in her husband's eyes that told Josie exactly what had happened.

When her eyes returned to Cameron's, they flared wide with fury and understanding. "Gary caught you, didn't he? The only reason you're telling the truth is because Gary is forcing you! Do you have any idea what kind of hell you've been putting your brother through? He's been worried sick about you because of all these secrets you've been keeping! Is this job that important to you? Is it more important than your own brother?"

"I know you're hurt and angry, and I don't blame you, but can you think for just one minute about what this has been like for me?" Cameron replied emotionally. "Do you think I enjoyed having to lie to everyone I love? I hated it! But I had no choice! I would think that you of all people would understand that. Do you remember how you felt when the FBI forced you to lie to Gary about the case we were working? Take that feeling and multiply it by every day I've lived here in Bay City and you might have some clue how I feel."

Josie's expression remained hard, but inside, she softened slightly. She did remember how that felt, and her anger faded enough for her to realize that it had to have been ten times worse for Cameron. "Does Amanda know?" she asked.

"No. I'm headed home to tell her right now." Cameron rubbed the back of his neck as he walked to the door. He turned around and looked from Josie to Gary as he spoke. "I don’t expect you to forgive me for a long time. I just hope you can both try to understand that I was doing what I had to do."

After Cameron left the apartment, Gary stood up and walked over to Josie. "Are you ok?"

Josie's eyes reflected her confusion. "I'm not sure. How about you? What do you think about all of this?"

"I honestly don’t know what to think," Gary replied resignedly. "All I know is that it's been a long night." Gary took Josie in his arms and hugged her tightly. He glanced over her head at the apartment door. "And it isn't over yet. Not by a long shot."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Cameron climbed into the car and started the engine. As he drove toward home, he tried to think of the right words to say to Amanda. After the way he'd dealt with Josie, he knew that he needed to be completely sure of himself when he confessed the truth to his wife. Despite what he was trying to focus on, all Cameron could think about was how wonderful things had been between him and Amanda before the FBI pulled him into the case. They had finally resolved everything that had kept them apart for so long. He'd been so sure that nothing could ever come between them.

I hate to tell you this, but I'm very, very happy
And I know that's not what you'd expect from me at all
I'm not the kind to smile and bow out gracefully
I always wanted to take it to the wall

Cameron parked Amanda's car in the garage and entered the house through the patio doors. He walked slowly up the stairs and tried to prepare himself for what was to come. He felt emotionally battered after talking to Gary and Josie, but telling Amanda was going to be much worse. His heart raced with fear. I could lose her forever after this, he thought anxiously. Cameron forced the thought from his mind. No. I'll find a way to make her understand.

But I found somebody with a heart as big as Texas
I found an angel with the golden wings
She saw me down here in the dark somehow
And everything is different now

Cameron walked into the bedroom and saw Amanda sitting in a chair next to the window. There was a sad, lost look in the backs of her eyes. As her gaze turned to meet his, the desolate look vanished to be replaced by one of steely determination. She stood up and walked toward him, "Cameron, we have to talk."

Cameron shut the door and nodded. "Yes, we do. Let's sit down. There are some things I have to tell you."

Amanda sat on the edge of the bed and stared into Cameron's eyes. She'd anticipated having to pull the truth out of him, but from the serious expression on his face, she could see that he'd already decided to tell her before she'd said a word. Now that she was about to hear the truth, Amanda had the sudden urge to stop Cameron from telling it to her. She was afraid that what he was about to say would be worse than not knowing.

Cameron took one of Amanda's hands in his and kissed the back of it before looking back into her eyes. "What I'm about to tell you is going to be hard to understand, so before I say anything, I need to tell you something else first." Cameron cupped Amanda's face in his hands. "I love you. I love you more than my own life. If you ever believed in me, believe that."

Amanda's heart swelled with happiness. The sincerity in Cameron's voice and eyes touched her deeply. "I love you too, Cameron. With my entire heart and soul, I love you. No matter what you say, I know we can get through it."

"I hope you still believe that after I tell you the truth. I know that you've seen how distracted I've been the last couple of months. There's a reason for that. Amanda… I work for the FBI."

"You already told me about the case you worked with Josie. That's nothing new."

"You don't understand. Amanda, I'm working for them now."

Amanda gave a relieved sigh. "Is that what all the secrecy has been about? Well, that's a relief! You can’t imagine the things that have been running through my head. When did they ask you to work another case? Isn't it a bit unusual for them to recruit a citizen to work for them undercover? I mean, I know they trained you before you came here to work on the hit man case, but-"

"Amanda, wait," Cameron interrupted. "I'm doing this all wrong. The FBI didn’t just recruit me to work a new case for them. I actually work for the FBI. I'm an agent, and I have been for a long time."

"What do you mean, you 'have been for a long time'? You only had your first case with them last year."

"No, Amanda. That's what I'm trying to tell you. The case I worked with Josie wasn't my last one… and it wasn't the first one either. I've been an agent with the FBI for over ten years."

Amanda slowly shook her head from side to side. "That's not possible. You were in prison for ten years until they let you out to work with Josie. That's what you told me."

Cameron's eyes closed slowly for a moment; then he forced himself to meet Amanda's troubled gaze again. "That was my cover. I was only in prison for a few weeks. The FBI recruited me to work for them instead of serving my prison sentence. I've been an agent since I was eighteen years old."

Amanda stared at Cameron in wide-eyed silence for a long time. She stood up and walked a few paces away before turning back to face him. "You can’t be saying this to me… You can’t be saying that everything you've told me since the day we met has been a lie. Please tell me you're not saying that!"

Cameron stood up but forced himself not to grab onto Amanda and hold her. He had to let her absorb this. "The facts weren't true, but I never lied to you about my feelings."

"That's a load of bull! What about the day in the park when we had that picnic? You told me how prison had made you wear a different face, that you didn't know who you were anymore. How was that not a lie?"

"I don't expect you to understand this, but I felt like I was in prison. The life I led working for the FBI was a prison without walls. I was never myself. I was always someone with a different past, a different life. I didn’t completely understand how trapped I felt until I came to Bay City. When I met you, I realized how empty my life was, that it wasn't even my life I was leading. Loving you made me who I am."

"That's just great, Cameron! Loving me made you a secretive liar. I'll mark that among my worthy accomplishments in life."

"I didn't lie to you because I wanted to, Amanda. I didn’t even do it because the FBI told me to. I did it because I believed it was the only way to keep you safe from my work.

"Really? So what made you change your mind? Why do I now get to know the truth about the man I married?"

Cameron couldn't stop himself any longer. He walked over and took Amanda's shoulders in his hands. "Because I finally realized that the lies were a bigger danger to our marriage than the truth could ever be. You deserved the truth, Amanda. I just hope that you can find a way to believe that I love you and I was only trying to protect you."

Amanda studied Cameron's face carefully. "Is this everything? Are there any more secrets that you haven't told me yet?"

Cameron knew that he couldn't tell Amanda everything yet. There was more than just their marriage at stake. "There is more, but I can’t tell you-"

Amanda shrugged hard to dislodge Cameron's hands. "That's what I thought!" she cried out in a broken voice. "So much for total honesty."

"Amanda, I will tell you everything when I can, but for now, there are still some things that I can’t say. People's lives are at stake here! I can't put their safety in jeopardy by telling you. But as soon as everything is straightened out, I will tell you the entire story."

Tears streamed down Amanda's cheeks. "Oh please, Cameron. Spare me the noble sacrifice routine! You don’t have to hide the truth because I already know who you're protecting and why."

Cameron was certain that Amanda didn't know about Scout and Hawk, so he had no idea what she was hinting at. "What do you mean, you know?"

"I know, Cameron! I know about you and Tess, so why don’t you just admit it?"

How on earth could she know about Tess? Had Gary said something to her? "What are you talking about?"

"Don’t play games with me. I know you're sleeping with her!"

"Sleeping with… You think I'm having an affair with Tess?"

"Please don't insult my intelligence by pretending there isn't something going on between you two!"

Cameron closed the distance between them and took a struggling Amanda into his arms. "Amanda, Tess isn't my lover. She's my partner."

Amanda abruptly went still. "Your partner. Tess is your… partner. She's in on this whole thing too? Oh my God, this is just too much!" Amanda suddenly recalled where she was. "Get your hands off me!" she growled as she shoved Cameron away from her. "You really expect me to believe that that woman is an FBI agent?"

Cameron nodded. "Tess and I have been partners since training. We don't always work cases together, but we do more often than not."

Amanda folded her arms across her chest. "How cozy… How convenient that must be for the two of you!"

"Amanda, there is absolutely nothing romantic between Tess and me. She's my partner, she's my friend, and she's my family, but that's where it ends."

"I see. Well, I hope you'll understand if I can’t believe a word that you say right now." Suddenly, Amanda's anger drained away and her tears started falling again. "How can this be happening? This is supposed to be the happiest time of our lives, and now it's destroyed!"

"Nothing's destroyed, Amanda. Not if we don't let it be. We can get through this together."

"You don't understand! This was supposed to be perfect!"

"You're right, I don’t understand. It may take some time, but I know we can get through this eventually."

"We don't have time! Everything's changed, don’t you see?"

"Please, Amanda, just tell me why-"

"Because I'm pregnant, you idiot!" Amanda yelled.

Cameron felt his heart stop for an instant. Then it pounded with such overwhelming happiness that he thought it would burst out of his chest. "You're pregnant? Oh my God, Amanda… That's wonderful!" Cameron reached out to take Amanda back into his arms.

She quickly backed away from his reach. "Don't touch me," she whispered sorrowfully. Amanda swiped the tears from her face with the backs of her fingers. "It should be wonderful. It should be a time where we think of nothing but decorating a nursery and choosing names. Instead, it's a time where I need to decide if I can live with the fact that I'm married to a man I don’t know. A man that I'm not sure I want to be the father of my children."

Cameron felt tears gathering in his own eyes. What had he done to them? How could he fix the damage that he'd caused? "Whatever I have to do, whatever it takes, I will prove to you that I'm still the man you fell in love with. I swear that to you, Amanda. Just tell me what to say, tell me what to do to make this right."

"You can't make it right. For now, please just leave me alone."

"No. Please… don’t ask me to go. Anything but that."

"I'm not throwing you out of my life, but I can’t sleep in the same room with you, either. Not tonight. Please, just go sleep in the guestroom. I need some time to think."

Cameron breathed deeply and closed his eyes. "Ok. If that's what you really want…"

"It is."

Cameron nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow then. Goodnight, Amanda. I love you."

Amanda remained silent. Cameron walked out of the room and closed the door behind him. Amanda stood stock-still until she heard the faint sound of a door closing down the hall. She slowly walked over to the bed and sank down on it. She curled on her side, pulled the pillow from Cameron's side of the bed, and clutched it against her chest. Amanda buried her face into the pillow to muffle the sounds of her sobs.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Midnight

Matt slept restlessly. He tossed and turned as he reached out to the shadowy vixen in his dream. She would drift ever closer to him, then drift away. She laughed at him, then crooked her finger at him in open invitation only to disappear as he reached for her.

Matt slowly opened his eyes. He blinked several times trying to clear his vision of the phantom that stood just a few inches away from him. He reached out to her expecting her to disappear like she had in his dreams.

"Tess," he whispered.

Tess knelt next to the couch and gingerly wiped the hair away from his forehead. He looked like a little boy with his hair all mussed and his eyes heavy with sleep. She smiled slightly, drinking in the sight of him.

"I'm here," she whispered back. "Didn't you know that I would come back to you?"

Matt leaned up on his elbow, reaching his other hand out to touch her face. "I'm afraid."

"So am I."

"I was afraid that I would never see you again, but you're here."

"Yes, I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere."

Matt pulled her to him. Tess lay beside him on the couch. They gently ran their hands over one another, caressing and cherishing. Tess placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him.

"I think it's time you know the truth……the whole truth."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

David buckled himself into his seat in first class. He didn't mind taking the red-eye flight. As far as he was concerned, the sooner he got this taken care of, the better. And he might just be able to get some sleep on the long flight considering the late hour. David dismissed that notion almost immediately. With the nervous energy racing through him, the only chance he had of getting some rest was if a kind passerby happened to hit him in the head with a blunt object.

A stewardess stopped next to David's seat and asked if he would care for a drink before takeoff. David said no at first, then changed his mind and requested a scotch on the rocks. As the flight attendant went to the front of the plane to fill his order, David opened his briefcase and pulled out a folder. He must have read the documents a dozen times already, but he began reading them again anyway. This trip could answer all of his questions. David hoped that what he learned would close the door on the past, but he feared that instead it could blow that door off its hinges forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tess sat up on the couch and Matt moved so that he was sitting next to her. She stared at his face for a long moment. She sent up a silent prayer that Matt would be able to understand what she had to tell him. The idea of losing him over her job was unbearable. Tess considered keeping the truth hidden from Matt for a little longer. She so desperately wanted more time with him that the idea was beyond tempting. But she set aside her selfish thoughts. Matt deserved to hear the truth. He deserved to hear it from her.

Matt watched the emotions chase one another across Tess's expressive blue-green eyes. Whatever she had come to tell him was obviously very important. Matt didn't know what her truth might be, but he did want to make this as easy for Tess as possible. He reached up and smoothed a lock of hair behind her ear. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. I've known for a long time that there was something you were hiding from me. No matter what your secret is, it can't be that bad."

Tess gave a small, humorless chuckle. "Oh Matt, you have no idea. I hope you still feel that way once you hear what I have to say." Tess took a deep breath to shore up her conviction. "Before I say anything, I need you to promise me that you won't talk to anyone about what I tell you tonight. There are lives at stake. If any of this information got out, it could put people I care about in a lot of danger."

Matt could see that Tess was not being overly dramatic for effect. Her expression was completely earnest. He believed that she was being totally honest about the potential danger. "I won't repeat what you say to anyone. You have my word."

Tess nodded, accepting his vow. "I need to tell you why I came to Bay City in the first place. I came here to do a job, and it isn't the one you hired me for at Cory. I accepted the position at the company as a cover."

"A cover? A cover for what?"

Tess bit the inside of her lip and held up a trembling hand. "Please, Matt. Just let me get this out before I lose my nerve. I swear that I will answer all your questions once I'm done." Matt nodded and Tess continued speaking. "I came here to conduct an investigation. I work for the government, Matt. I'm an FBI agent."

Matt stared at Tess in complete shock. He'd realized that she was hiding something, but he'd never imagined that it was anything like this. "The FBI… You work for the Federal Bureau of Investigations… I … I can't believe this…"

"I know it's a shock, Matt, but it's the truth. I've been an agent for most of my adult life. It's who I am, or who I was anyway."

Matt's gaze snapped back to hers. "What do you mean 'was'? Has something changed?"

Tess gave a quick laugh. "Everything has changed for me. It changed because of you, Matt. Before I met you, there was nothing I wanted more for my life than to spend it tracking down criminals and making them pay. I am very good at it, and I thought I was happy. It wasn't until I met you that I realized how much I was missing in my life. I started wanting all those things that I laughed at other people for wanting. I began dreaming about what it would be like to have a place to call home, to have someone to come home to every night."

Tess stood up and walked a few paces before turning back to face Matt. "To be completely honest, I have to confess that it terrified me. In a way, it still does. Especially now, when I don't know if you'll be able to live with all the secrets and forgive me, or if you're about to order me out of your life for good." Tess folded her arms in front of her in a protective gesture. She waited anxiously for Matt to say something.

Matt, still trying to come to grips with what Tess had told him, didn't notice her tension. "This certainly explains a few things, like that night we got shot at down at the docks and your sudden involvement with Emmanuel Logan." Matt paused as something else occurred to him. "This also explains the recent bizarre behavior of someone else. Cameron is in on this whole thing too, isn't he? That's why he's been running off without explanation and worrying my sister to death. He's been working with you."

Tess knew from the expression on Matt's face that there was no point in denying Cameron's involvement. She hadn't intended to bring Cameron into the conversation, but she wasn't about to compound the situation by lying to Matt, either. Besides, Cameron had said that he was going to tell Amanda what he was doing anyway. There was no need to try to hide his involvement. "You're right. Cameron is my partner. We've been working together on the case from the start."

Tess watched as Matt swiped a hand across his eyes and down his face. He was obviously having trouble making sense of the situation he'd found himself in. She couldn't begin to divine what was going through his mind. "Matt? What are you thinking?"

Matt turned his eyes back to Tess's. He exhaled heavily through his mouth as he stood up to face her. "I'm not sure what I'm thinking. It's hard for me to understand all of this. I can tell you that I'm completely confused. Although some things now make perfect sense, there are other things I used to be sure of that I'm suddenly doubting."

Tess swallowed hard. "Like what?" she asked hesitantly, not thinking she wanted to hear the answer.

"What about us, Tess? Was I a part of your cover too? Is that the reason you keep going hot and cold on me?"

"No!" Tess replied tearfully. "I would never do that to you, Matt. Everything I felt for you was real and honest. And yes, I did pull away from you because of my job, but not for the reason you're thinking. I did it because I wanted you away from this case to keep you safe! I did it because… because I have never in my life felt for anyone the way I feel for you."

Matt could see the truth shining in Tess's eyes. He quickly moved forward and pulled her into his arms. Tess clung to him tightly as he hugged her against him. Matt's hand raised to cup her head where it lay against his shoulder. "I'm not sure exactly what this all means for us, Tess. The only thing I know is that now that I've found you, I'm not going to let you go without a fight. We'll find a way to make this work somehow, I promise you."

Tess felt all the tension flow out of her in a rush. As long as she had Matt by her side, she knew that she would get through this. They stood a long time in the silence before they both leaned back to look at each other. Matt leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead before releasing her from the circle of his arms.

Tess assumed that he had been saying goodnight and turned for the door. Matt reached out and grasped her hand, turning her back around. "Stay with me tonight," Matt whispered softly. "I think we have more than a few things we need to talk about."

Tess nodded and they both sank back down onto the couch. Matt put his arm around Tess's shoulders and she placed a hand against his chest to feel the comforting rhythm of his heartbeat. They talked that way for hours, Matt asking questions and Tess answering them as fully as she could without endangering the case. They fell asleep an hour before dawn with Matt's arm still around her and Tess's hand still resting above Matt's heart.

…And the wild, wild nights of running
You know a starving soul can't live like that for long
You go around in circles that just keep getting smaller
You wake up one morning and half your life is gone

I got so tired of that; I got so lonely
I dropped down and called out to heaven
"Send me someone to love."
And heaven shot back, "You get the love that you allow."
And everything is different now

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

As dawn broke across the sky, Cameron ran across the Cory grounds as fast as his legs and his lungs would allow. He pushed himself hard, wanting to make his muscles ache badly enough that he could forget the pain in his heart. He wished that he could outrun the years of secrets that had led up to the destruction of his life.

Finally, his aching muscles refused to take anymore. A sudden cramp in his calf muscle forced Cameron to stop and sit down. His breathing slowed to normal as he worked the knot out. He was about to get back up when he heard a rusting in the foliage behind him. Cameron jumped to his feet and turned around. He saw Ryan motioning to him and walked into the cover of the trees.

"How are you doing?" Ryan asked as if he already knew the answer.

"Lousy," Cameron replied. "Everyone is furious with me. Not that I expected it to be easy, but I never thought that it would be this bad. And the worst part is I took something from Amanda that I can't give back."

"What do you mean?"

"She's pregnant, Ryan. And instead of us being able to celebrate that together, she's pushing me away because she's so hurt and angry. I'm not sure she'll ever trust me again."

Ryan patted Cameron's shoulder in a comforting, brotherly gesture. "I'm sure you'll work it all out. You guys have been through so much already. You'll get through this, too."

Cameron shook his head doubtfully. "You didn't see her, Scout. You didn't see the look on her face when she realized that I've been lying to her since we met. And it's because of everything we went through already that I'm not sure she'll be able to forgive me this time."

"You did what you had to do, Mav. Amanda will realize that eventually."

"I pray you're right. Enough about my problems, how is Devlin?"

"I stayed with her for a few hours after you left. She finally begged off work and said she needed some rest. I left a little before midnight. She seemed much better."

Cameron nodded with relief. At least one of them was back to normal. "Are you here keeping an eye on Carl?"

"Yeah. I was checking with the surveillance team when I saw you running like the hounds of hell were nipping at your heels. I wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I'll be fine," Cameron lied in what he hoped was a convincing tone of voice. "I just need to figure out how to fix all the damage I've done to my life."

"If you need to talk, I'll be here," Ryan said reassuringly. Cameron thanked him and watched as Ryan walked back through the woods toward the access road where the van housing the surveillance equipment was parked.

Cameron stared out at the early morning sky. The dark blues and purples had given way to brighter tones of pink and yellow. Cameron sat back down on the ground and pulled his knees up in front of him. He stared blindly at the breaking day and wondered if he would ever find the way out of his own private darkness.

Oh, and it's sweet to know
The wisdom that living brings
Since I got a telegram
From the god of simple things

She said, "I don't care what you do for a living.
I don't care what kind of car you drive.
All I want to know right now is what do you believe in
And what it means to you to be alive.
Will you stand in this fire with me?
Are you ready for another life?"
So I bit that bullet, and I took that vow
And everything is different now
Everything is different now.

Author's Note: "Breakdown" was recorded by Melissa Etheridge and can be found on her CD of the same name. Don Henley performs the song "Everything Is Different Now" on his latest CD, Inside Job. Click on the hyperlinked title(s) to listen to a Real media clip from the song.

(click here to continue on to chapter twenty-one)