Emotions

By Sarah

"I thought I might find you here."

Simon jumped at the sound of Lily's voice. He smiled pensively. They had only had each other for a little while, but again, she would not have needed him at all if he had not dragged her into the whole sordid situation.

"Hello, Lily," he said looking at her. They shared a long glance, and then Lily walked past him. "How have you been?"

Lily stood with her back to him. "I've been trying to get my life back on track…reclaim some normalcy."

"I'm sorry, Lily."

Lily turned on him. "I know, Simon. You've apologized a hundred times. Please, you don't have to apologize to me. You’re my friend and that is something that I'm very grateful for right now."

Simon nodded and reached out his hand to her. Lily clasped it and sat on the rock beside him. "For a while, we only had each other."

Lily sighed. "Yeah. Despite the conditions, I'll always be glad that it was you who was stuck with me on that island. So tell me why you're sticking around here?"

Simon started to make up something but knew that Lily would see through any lie he told, so he said, "I need to make some money before I can get back home. Plus, I have a friend who needs me here right now."

Lily's eyes sparkled and she squeezed his hand. "You don't have to stick around for me and put up with my family's constant abuse. I'll be fine."

Simon stared into her eyes. The emotion that passed between them was still very strong. "You trusted me to take care of you on that island. Why don't you trust me to know when you need me and when you don't?"

Lily smiled and rested her hand on his cheek. "You're relentless."

Simon laughed. "Yeah, you're not so bad yourself, huh? You gave me hell the entire time."

"You deserved it."

"Yes, I did."

"My mother told me about the proposal you made to her."

"I knew that she'd go straight to you. She's turning me down, right?"

"I don't know what her decision is. Why did you even approach her, Simon? I can pay your way back to Australia."

"No! No way. You have given me enough. This time I will earn the money on my own and I will pay back every penny that you have given to me. As for why I approached your mother, I guess that I was hoping that she might have the same sense fairness and forgiveness inside her that you have."

"You're talking about my mother?" Lily asked with a laugh.

"I guess it was a stupid idea. I was fooling myself."

"No, it wasn't stupid. You're a glutton for punishment, Simon. You know working for my mother would not be easy."

"I like a challenge. You know that."

"Yes, but I never took you for a masochist. My offer is still open. If you need money, Simon…."

Simon shook his head quickly. "No, Lily, that's final."

"Simon, it's not…."

"No, I've taken far too much from you as it is."

"Please, Simon….."

Simon's cellular phone rang interrupting their conversation. He gave Lily an apologetic look as he brought the phone to his ear.

"Hello….Yeah….Sure, I'll be there in twenty minutes."

Simon punched the phone off and looked at Lily. "Your mother wants to see me."

"I'll have to admit that I hope she accepts. I like having you around. And I want you to stay around long enough for everyone else to see the man I know."

Simon hugged her to him. "I guess we'll find out if that is going to happen soon enough."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

It was dark outside by the time Simon drove downtown. There were a few offices where people were working late, but for the most part, the floor was deserted. Simon walked through the outer office, bracing himself for the worst. Lucinda's secretary was not at her desk. He quickly noted the crack in the door to Lucinda's office and quietly opened it. He immediately saw that his portfolio was neatly piled in a chair near the door. To him that was a very telling sign. Maybe he could grab it and be gone, saving himself some humiliation.

Simon quietly walked toward his things intending to gather them up and be on his way. He reached for his portfolio.

"Well, well, well, Mr. Frasier, I hope you aren't planning on pulling another disappearing act."

Simon stared at Lucinda as she strode into the office.

"No, I was just going to spare you my presence."

Lucinda narrowed her eyes. "Now why is that when it is I who called you here?"

Simon shrugged. "Have you made your decision?"

"Have a seat, Mr. Frasier. There are a few things that I would like to discuss with you."

Simon sat down and waited for Lucinda to begin.

"I must say that I was rather startled by your proposal. You're constantly catching me off guard. Most of the time that is a bad thing. Today I'm in a good mood and fortunately for you, my daughter, for reasons I don't pretend to understand, seems to think your proposal is a good one."

Simon smiled. "So I'm in."

Lucinda narrowed her eyes. "Not so fast. You haven't heard my terms. First and foremost, you stay away from my family. You nearly got Lily killed and though she forgives you, I do not. Secondly, you answer to me. I am going to be your shadow and when I say jump, you will do it without question. I don't believe in second chances so you mess up once, and you're gone. It's as simple as that. As for payment for your services, you will be treated like any other employee. I expect two weeks notice before your departure. If you play a disappearing act, I will hunt you down, and you'll rue the day you ever laid eyes on me. Is there anything that I've said that you do not understand?"

"I think you've made yourself clear."

"Good. You start tomorrow. I expect you to dazzle me everyday with your work, Simon."

"I won't let you down."

"That remains to be seen."

"I'll see you bright and early then?"

Lucinda laughed. "Oh please, darling, I don't do bright and early, but I will expect to see you tomorrow. Good night, Mr. Frasier."

Simon nodded at her. "Good night, Ms. Walsh."

Simon gathered up his things and walked out of Lucinda's office. He paused in the hallway hoping that he had done the right thing.

"This is the only way, Simon. You do your job and be on your way. Never look back."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Julia nursed a drink at the bar. She was still frustrated with Jake for neatly tip toeing around her questions. She had decided to be rid of all of this. She would bury herself in work and escape her problems. There was no way around it. She stared at the glass that was almost empty. Julia tipped the glass up to her lips draining it. She looked at the bartender who was busy filling drink orders.

"I'll take another one when you get a minute," she told him then spun around on the barstool to watch the other patrons having a good time.

"Why don't you take it easy," Isaac suggested from behind.

Julia spun around and glared at him. "I'm fine, Isaac."

"Pardon me, but you don't look fine to me."

"Is this how you talk to all your customers?"

Isaac smiled. "Just the ones I care about."

Julia narrowed her eyes. "Has Jake got you spying on me?"

Isaac's eyes widened and his face took on a guilty look.

"He is! Ugh, I could kill him!"

"Watch yourself. Jake's just looking out for you."

"By telling his buddies to watch after me? No thanks. I'm getting out of here."

Isaac grabbed her arm. "Just hold up and calm yourself down. Let me get my keys and I'll take you home."

"I don't need a chauffeur."

"Then humor me."

Julia threw him a look of disgust. "Fine."

"All right. Let me square things away here, and I'll be right back."

"I'm not going anywhere."

Julia made eye contact with the bartender who placed another drink in front of her. She smiled in appreciation then took a small sip.

Simon walked through the door and stood at the top of the stairs looking for Isaac. He clutched the newspaper ad in his hand as he started down the stairs and through the crowd. The people seemed to part just in front of him. He paused for a moment when he spotted the woman he had bumped into at The City Times sitting alone at the bar. Simon pushed on toward the end of the bar. When he stopped beside her, Julia looked up and their eyes connected.

"So we meet again," Simon said with a smile.

Julia did not say anything immediately. Her alcohol-numbed senses were affecting her thoughts. Finally, she said, "I don't remember being introduced."

"I don't think we were. I'm Simon Frasier," he told her holding out his hand.

Julia smiled in return, delicately placing her hand in his. "Julia Lindsey. It's nice to meet you. So are you sticking around Oakdale?"

"For the time being."

"You did quite a number on Lily Snyder," Julia stated letting the alcohol do her talking.

Simon was taken aback. For some reason, he had expected her to be different, but she was just like the rest.

"I don't intend to explain myself," he told her flatly.

"Who asked you to? I was just stating the facts," Julia replied as her tone rose an octave.

"Yeah, then you know everything you need to know," he told her, as his face became a disgusted mask. He turned to the bartender. "Barkeep, where can I find Isaac Jenkins?"

The bartender stepped away from the bar. Simon turned his back to Julia and looked out at the crowd. The sooner he was out of Oakdale the better.

Julia was tired of waiting on Isaac. She turned around on the barstool and stood. She took one step and stumbled slightly. As she fell to the ground, two strong arms closed around her, keeping her from falling. Julia looked over her shoulder into the same sea of green that she had almost fallen into earlier today. Instead of pulling away, she relaxed in his arms.

Simon was not sure what to make of Julia's reaction to him. He tightened his grip around her and consciously tried to remain unaffected by her softness. Her eyes seemed to plead with him for something, but he was not sure what it was. Simon leaned closer.

"What is going on here?" Isaac demanded. "Take your hands off of her."

Simon and Julia jumped apart. Julia wiggled slightly on her feet. Simon reached out to steady her.

"I'm fine, Isaac. Simon kept me from falling down. Thank you, Simon."

Simon nodded. "Any time," he responded then turned to Isaac. "You're Isaac Jenkins?"

"Who wants to know?"

Simon held out his hand. "I'm Simon Frasier. I called earlier about the ad for the apartment."

"Right. Could you come back later? I was just getting ready to run an errand."

Simon nodded. "Sure. I was just hoping that I could get a look at it tonight."

"Show him the apartment, Isaac. I'll stay right here."

Isaac looked at her skeptically. "I can do this some other time, Julia. Come back tomorrow, Mr. Frasier."

"No, I insist, Isaac. Please."

Isaac looked at her then sighed. He looked back at Simon and said, "Let's go."

Isaac led Simon down the hallway to a door that was hidden in the decorations in the entrance of the nightclub. Isaac slammed the keys in the lock, which revealed a staircase. The stairs led to a landing, which turned and led up to a wooden door. Isaac said nothing as he took out another key and opened the door in front of them.

"It isn't much, but I think you can make it livable."

Simon looked around at the small apartment. Skylights formed a continuous window on one wall and part of the ceiling. Stairs led to an open loft. The kitchen, dining and living room were all one room. There was a small bedroom and bathroom off the great room.

"I'm surprised that someone else hasn't already grabbed it up. This is perfect."

Isaac looked at the peeling paint and wallpaper with a raised eyebrow. He was not as optimistic about the apartment as Simon was.

"You know what they say, one man's trash is another man's treasure. The rent is due at the first of the month. I expect one month's deposit and the utilities are figured in with the rent price. You're free to do anything you want as far as the décor is concerned. Have we got a deal, Mr. Frasier?"

Simon was mentally picturing what he would do with the apartment. He was so absorbed that he almost missed what Isaac was saying to him. "Oh, yeah. We've got a deal. Call me 'Simon'."

Isaac smiled. "Good. Listen, I heard about all that stuff that went on with Lily Snyder. I want you to know that you have a clean slate with me. Just don't cause me any trouble and we'll be fine. Are we understanding one another?"

Simon nodded. "Loud and clear, Mr. Jenkins. I will be a model tenant."

"Glad to hear it. Oh and call me, 'Isaac'. You're making me feel old," he told him and then held the keys out to Simon. "It's all yours."

Simon nodded. "Yeah. Mine….."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Julia walked to the door and made it to the hallway. As she staggered toward the exit, someone grabbed her from behind.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Julia spun around and glared at Jake. "I'm going home."

"Not on your own you're not. What were you thinking?"

"Leave me alone, Jake. That's all I want."

"Right. So you come to a nightclub to be alone? Who are you trying to convince, Julia?"

"Hey, you two aren't going to fight here, are you? It's bad for business," Isaac told them as he walked up.

"I can't believe that you were going to let her walk out of here like this," Jake spat.

"I was just about to take her home myself."

"Then how did she get out here?"

"Hello! I'm standing right here," Julia interjected.

"I had to show the apartment upstairs to a guy, and she was supposed to wait."

"Well obviously, she didn’t," Jake observed still ignoring Julia's presence.

"I'm here now."

"Oh, don't bother. I've got it."

Julia looked on in disbelief as they continued to decide what she was going to do.

Simon walked down the stairs on his way outside to get his few belongings. He stopped as he walked out into the foyer. He saw Julia looking on as Isaac and Jake had a discussion. She turned around with her arms folded and a look of frustration on her face. Her eyes met Simon's. He smiled slowly. Julia hesitated for a moment before smiling in return.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jake looked over the final layout for the afternoon edition of the newspaper. He had a special editorial that he wanted to make sure everyone noticed. He had spent half the night getting the wording just right. He looked up as a shadow fell across the paper. A snarl twisted his face as soon as his eyes caught sight of the person standing before him.

Simon stared back at him. His face did not give away any emotion. The mistrust in Jake's eyes was something he was used to.

"What do you want?" Jake demanded as he snapped the paper closed and laid it on the desk in front of him. "I thought I told you to get lost yesterday."

Simon nodded. "You did at that, but Ms. Walsh has different ideas. She hired me last night and told me that I should report directly to you this morning. So here I am."

Jake looked at him in disbelief. "Listen, Frasier, I don't know what kind of scam you're trying to pull now, but you can sell your bill of goods to someone else, because I'm not buying!"

Simon shrugged. "I'm just following Ms. Walsh's orders. Do you want to be the one to tell her that you ignored them?"

Jake opened and closed his mouth a couple of times then began shuffling around his desk looking for something. He finally spotted an envelope underneath a paperweight near the edge of his desk. In a woman's bold handwriting, he saw his name written in red. He looked down at the envelope then up at Simon. He never removed his eyes from Simon as he ripped open the envelope. Jake tore the piece of paper from inside and unfolded it with a jerk.

Jake looked from the letter to Simon and back a few times. He rubbed his forehead, then stood. He walked around Simon sizing him up. Simon could not help the smile that escaped. Jake's eyes snapped to his.

"Just what exactly do you find so funny?" Jake asked.

Simon sobered for a moment, then his smile escaped again. "Forgive me. Jungle madness and all….."

Jake narrowed his eyes. "I don't like you, Frasier. And I don't trust you."

"I am here to work, nothing more."

"That's the problem. How am I suppose to work with someone I don't respect?"

"I guess we'll both be finding out the answer to that."

Jake nodded, looking away. As he thought about what Simon had said, his eyes shot back to Simon. "Hey!" He yelled then smiled slightly catching the meaning of Simon's remark.

Jake and Simon looked at one another for a moment. Jake finally nodded and the two men shared a look of mutual understanding.

"Let's get to work, then," Jake began. "We've started on tomorrow's morning edition. Go over with me exactly what it is that Lucinda wants you to do."

"Perfect. Let's get started," Simon replied and they walked out of the office.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Simon looked over the design of the new graphic that would grace the front of the City Times. It was bold and a far different look from the traditional lettering that it would replace. He had worked on the perfect look for a while. As he held the graphic up, Jake bounded into his office.

"Well, are you finished?" Jake demanded, looking at Simon impatiently.

Simon spun around in his chair, holding the graphic against his chest.

"I told you that I would be," Simon spat. "Are you ready?"

"I'm waiting!"

Simon smirked at Jake's bold impatience. He slowly turned the page around so that Jake could see what he had designed. Jake's eyes widened as he caught his first glimpse. He reached out, taking the graphic from Simon. Jake held it up to the light, examining the bold, unique look. It was unlike anything he had ever seen on another publication.

"How are things going?" Lucinda asked as she sailed into Simon's office.

Jake spun around keeping the new graphic against him so that Lucinda could not see it. Lucinda looked back and forth between Simon and Jake, waiting for an answer to her question.

"I'll let you be the judge," Jake said as he slowly turned the graphic to face Lucinda.

Lucinda's face revealed nothing as she reached out and touched the proposed logo for the City Times. She lifted her eyes to Jake's. He raised his eyebrows in response.

"This is your design, Mr. Frasier?" Lucinda asked.

Simon was beginning to get nervous since neither Jake nor Lucinda had said a word about his design. "Yes, Ms. Walsh. It is."

Lucinda looked back at Jake. "What do you think?"

Jake narrowed his eyes and haltingly said, "I think…..that this…..is the…..best thing I've seen in a very long time."

Simon's eyes widened at the compliment. He looked at Lucinda for her response.

Lucinda laughed. "You have outdone yourself, Mr. Frasier. This….this is what I expect from you everyday. I told you to dazzle me. Print it, Mr. McKinnon. I love it!"

Simon smiled slightly and said, "Thank you."

Lucinda swept out of the office without a backward glance. Jake turned to Simon and shoved the logo back at Simon.

"Get this down to the printers and make sure this logo is put on everything," Jake told him as he swept out the door.

Simon looked down at the new logo and smiled. Maybe things were finally going his way.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Simon looked around at the apartment. He had a lot of work to do to make it more livable. He had seen the look on Isaac Jenkins' face when he had taken the apartment. To the naked eye, it looked impossible in its current state of neglect. He had painted around the skylight windows last night and washed all the panes. It was amazing how that one thing had already made the apartment look better. Now he was working on the kitchen.

Simon had changed into a sleeveless navy tee shirt and a pair of worn out jeans. He reached for the sandpaper and started rubbing it across the first door he had taken off the kitchen cabinets. After a good sanding and a new coat of paint, everything would look brand new. The redecorating was his way of taking his mind off everything that had happened, but most importantly, it kept him from running to Lily. He struggled to stay away from her. Maybe it had been a bad idea to stay in Oakdale, but he simply could not bear to leave her….not now.

Simon jumped when he heard the soft knock on the door. He wiped his hands on his jeans and brushed the sawdust off his shirt as he walked toward the door. He opened the door and was startled to see Lily standing there. She smiled widely at him.

"Lily," he said with a grin. "What are you doing here?"

"That's some greeting!"

Simon shook his head. "You know what I mean. Come in."

Lily brushed past him. Simon stood in the doorway for a moment looking after her before he quietly shut the door.

"Simon…this place….."

"….is a dump," he finished for her. "I know, but it's got potential, don't you think?"

Lily raised her eyebrows at him and walked down the steps into the living room, looking skeptically at the neglected space.

"Why didn't you call me? I would have helped you find some place to live."

Simon followed her down the stairs. "I like this place. It's got a certain charm."

Lily swung around and looked at him. "Is that the artist in you talking?"

Simon shrugged. "Maybe or maybe I just needed a project to keep my mind occupied."

They shared a meaningful glance as Simon walked toward her. He grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the windows.

"Now tell me that you don’t think this is a gorgeous view."

Lily looked at Simon for a moment, affected more by his close proximity than she was willing to admit. She unconsciously threaded her fingers through his and looked up at the sky.

"Okay, I'll admit that it has potential and the view is nice, but this is a lot of work."

"You don't think I can work a miracle?"

Lily looked into his eyes, catching her breath for a moment when she saw the familiar twinkle. "Oh, I know that you're a miracle worker, Simon.

Simon knew that she was thinking about their time on the island. He could never push that time aside or forget how close they had become. Simon touched her cheek lightly with the tips of his fingers.

"What brings you here, Lily? Why would you leave your husband and children to come see me?"

Lily stared at him a moment, startled by his question. "Holden is at the studio and the kids are spending the night with Emma. I just.…"

"You just?"

"I brought you a present," she told him, then walked back to the place where she had left a small gift bag. She picked it up and walked back to him, holding it out.

Simon took the bag from her and raised his eyebrows in question. "So what is this?"

"Open it," she urged with a smile.

Simon pulled the tissue paper out and reached to the bottom of the bag. He gingerly pulled out a set of chimes fashioned out of seashells. He held them up and listened as they gently swayed creating a melodic sound.

"I wanted to give you that to remind you of the time we spent together on the island. I know that we had some rough patches, but I'll never forget it."

Simon walked toward the windows and placed the chimes on a small hook. The breeze from the open windows moved the chimes. He smiled as he listened to them. When he turned around, he was mesmerized by the unguarded look on Lily's face. It left him speechless for a moment.

"Thank you, Lily. When I hear them, I'll always think of you," he said huskily.

Lily's breath caught in her throat as he walked toward her. The sound of his voice touched a part of her that she kept pushing away. He stopped in front of her, standing a few inches away. Lily tilted her head back to look at him. She reached out and touched his face then gently traced his cheek and his bottom lip.

"Simon, I…"

"How are things with Holden?"

Lily stepped away from him putting some distance between them. She thought carefully before she replied, trying to find the right words, but then pushed ahead. "Strained….distant….he doesn't know who I am anymore, and I don't know who he is. I'm not sure that either of us will ever be able to get past all that has happened."

"You've always said that he's your soul mate, Lily. How can you not work past this stumbling block?"

Lily spun around. The tears sparkled in her eyes. "Maybe because neither of us wants to. I don't know, Simon. I'm not the same woman who left Oakdale. I've been to hell and back before, but this time things are different."

Simon walked to her. "How? How are things different?"

"I can't explain it, Simon. It's a feeling. Something is missing, and it may be a part that we can never get back."

Simon walked up behind her placing his hands on her shoulders. "I'm here for you," he whispered close to her ear.

Lily sighed and turned around and hugged him. "I know. You'll never know how much that means to me."

Simon hesitated for a moment before enfolding her in his arms. Lily hugged him more tightly, feeling his strength holding her up like so many times before.

"It will all work out," he reassured her.

"I'm not so sure, Simon. I have this feeling, and it's nothing like I've ever felt before."

Simon absently rubbed her back listening intently. A part of him allowed his heart to leap at her words, but another part put up a wall between them. His emotions were at war.

"I'm always here for you."

Lily leaned back so that she could see his face. She stood on her tiptoes and kissed his cheek. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

Simon pulled away from her and walked into the kitchen. Lily looked after him with concern, fearing that she had said something to frighten him. She watched as he walked to a drawer and tugged it open. She could tell that he had something in his hand as he walked back to her.

"Hold out your hand," he urged.

Lily smiled slightly and held her hand out as he bade. Simon placed the cold object in her hand, then waited for her reaction.

Lily looked down then up at Simon. "A key?"

"I know that may seem a little forward, but everyone needs a place they can go. You can come here day or night whether I'm here or not."

"Thank you, Simon."

"I'm actually hoping that you might feel like cleaning the place."

Lily's smile widened. "You are not subtle at all."

Simon laughed. "I can't get anything past you, can I?"

Lily shook her head. "No, you can't. You don't know how much this means to me."

Simon nodded. "I think I do."

Their eyes locked. For a moment raw, yet silent emotions were reflected in their depths. Words were not needed to express the things that they dare not say out loud.

Lily tore his eyes away from his. "I need to go."

She walked quickly to the door and Simon followed. Lily yanked the door open and turned to face him. She smiled slightly as his eyes bored into her with a smoldering heat.

"Good night, Simon," she whispered then hurried down the stairs.

Simon watched her progress from the open doorway. He looked heavenward, sighed loudly and pleaded, "Give me strength."