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The Storm

She sat at the window, staring out at the sky. It was blanketed by the dark, heavy clouds that prevented any golden light from reaching the earth. The scalding rain fell in stabbing sheets, relentlessly pounding into the ground. A zigzagging bolt of lightning cut through the sky, giving a brief light to the world, followed by the intimidating rumble of thunder. Most people hated storms like these. This was the kind of storm that caused power outages. The lightning caused trees to fall and televisions to short circuit. The rains caused floods to break out, and it canceled baseball games and family outings.

But Katherine wasn't affected. This storm was dangerous. It was powerful, and it was angry. It didn't quite match her mood, but it did seem to challenge it. For that, it had her respect. It seemed that nothing and no one else was able to understand her now. She was lost in her own despair, and in someway this barrage of rain, winds, and noise was more understanding than anything in her life had been in the last 3 months.

The phone started ringing, and she hesitantly brought her eyes away from the glass to look towards the opposite wall of her bedroom. Katherine finally put her feet down to stand. All the lights in the room were off, so she blindly made her way to the phone. When she reached it, the fifth ring had just begun its shrill sounding. She picked up the receiver of the telephone and placed it down next to the cradle. She slowly walked back to her seat at the window to watch the rain, her dark hair falling slightly against her face as she leaned down to sit. The phone call couldn't be important. Mainly because nothing was important to her anymore. She didn't even feel the pain or desolation anymore. There was nothing. Her soul seemed to be completely lost in some thick haze that no one had been able to work through. Her pain forced her to hide within herself, blocking out emotion and reason.

A faint noise brought her gaze back to the phone. The person was still on the line. And it now sounded like they were yelling, trying to get her attention. Katherine couldn't be sure, but it sounded like him. And after listening to the yelling for a few more moments, she was positive. But, why? Why was he calling her? Why now? He'd said he was giving up. He'd said he couldn't take anymore. What did he want? She made no move to get up. It was not her concern. She just wished that he would hang up the phone. She'd pushed him away. Her isolation had caused him to leave. It was truly amazing. It had all started out so small, but the beast inside of her had quickly destroyed her world. It had caused so much pain and so much heartache. Until finally, it had decided to be merciful. It had now brought her to the point of not caring. 'Oh God, how did I get here?'


(flashback)

"Kat, I can't stay here anymore. I'm so sorry, and you know that I love you. I just can't live with this."

"NO! No......JC, I know it's been hard, but I can do better. I WILL do better."

"I wish I could believe you. You've been telling me this for weeks now. It's not getting better Katherine, and you're too stubborn to let anyone help you. It won't get better!" Suddenly, there was anger coursing through her. But he was right. She was being unreasonable. She was being unfair to everyone, including herself.

"How do you know what I'm feeling, JC?! How could you possibly know what I'm capable of overcoming? You know nothing about me or what I'm going through right now."

"Your mother died, Katherine. The world didn't end. I understand that it's hard, and I DO have sympathy and respect for that, but it's not NORMAL. You grieve and you cry, but then you talk about it and work through it, and surround yourself with people who love you and who can help you. You don't close yourself off from everyone and everything. You don't stay in bed all day, refusing to go out anywhere. I can't deal with it. I've tried as hard as I possibly could. You're dragging yourself through HELL, Katherine. And you're taking me with you. I won't let you do this to me anymore."

"FINE! Fine, then if I'm just such a burden to you, then LEAVE! I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I can do this on my own. But you know what? This isn't love that you feel for me, JC. If you loved me, you would go through this. You would stay with me while I got over this. But apparently you don't........so leave." He took another look at her, as he backed away. She almost looked like a mad woman. Her long hair was tangled all around her, her face was red and blotchy, her eyes seemed to be overclouded with pain and anger that was directed at him for the moment, her clothes hung loose on her frail figure, and her entire body was trembling with undeniable fear. She was a broken woman. JC reached for the doorknob when his back finally hit the wall.

"You're wrong about that, Katherine. You're very wrong." He walked through the door, and then he was gone. The last piece of her life had finally fallen away from her. It seemed that this past month had cost her everything. Her job, her family, her friends, and now, her Josh.

(end flashback)

It was rather shocking for her to realize that there were tears falling down her cheeks. She had thought that her eyes had cried their last the night that JC had walked through the door, exiting her life. Or what used to be her life. The depression ruled her now. So far, no outside force had been strong enough to rip it away from her. It controlled her physically and mentally. It was the only life she had left. It was her only companion, her only confidant, but it brought her no peace. She shared her pain with herself, and the beast just screamed back at her.

As was customary of late, Katherine spent hours at the window. Her staring eyes cold and unwavering. Her mind thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. Her thoughts being of him, of her previously loved ones, and of the life she used to have. The forceful banging on her back door never pulled her from her reverie. The loud stomping of feet up the stairs were outside of her knowledge. Even after JC had walked through her bedroom door and moved to stand in front her of, she seemed to be unaware of his presence. �Kat, we need to talk.� She continued to look outside, unmoving, not acknowledgeable of him. He kneeled down on the floor behind her. �Look at me, please.� She still made no move to turn. Her ears could hear his voice and his concern, but her heart didn�t feel it, and her body didn�t allow her to turn towards him. So he reached for her hand, and held it in both of his while he spoke to her in a soft voice. �Look, I was thinking about what you said to me a couple of weeks ago when I left. I don�t know, maybe some of it was just you rambling in your anger. But you were right about a few things. Leaving you wasn�t the right thing for me to do if I love you. I just��.I felt so helpless, Kat.� His voice broke with a slight sob before he continued. �I thought I had tried everything I could. I didn�t want to force you into getting professional help. I didn�t want to make you go to a doctor.� Finally, he couldn�t take her physical ignorance anymore. He cupped her cheeks with his hands and turned her cold, watery eyes to face him. �But, I refuse to give up on you. I do love you, with all my heart, and I�m not going to let you die away like this, Katherine. I can�t let you do this to yourself.� He stood up for a minute to pick her up in his arms and bring her back down to the floor with him, cradling her against his chest. He was dripping wet from having walked from his car to her door. �I�ve already called someone. I really think he�ll be able to help you. I�ve heard that he�s very good at what he does. I�ll go with you if you want me to, but you�re not getting out of it this time. I will take you into that doctor�s office kicking and screaming if I have to. Whatever it takes, I don�t care. You have to get better, Kat. You just have to because I don�t think I can live without you.� Tears were now falling freely from his blue eyes. He leaned down to bury his face in her neck, and sobbed. She gently reached around to hug his midsection. Katherine didn�t feel it though. She didn�t feel the anger or the relief that should have been building up inside of her. She didn�t even really feel his sadness or his tears. But he was going to make that better. He was going to help her, let her feel again, and let her love him again. He was fighting the haze. It is said that love is invincible, and true love can survive anything. Now, there was a force strong enough to destroy the raging beast and bring her back to herself.

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