Interactive fiction can be addictive. Terribly so. But, you say, just how addictive? Well, this is your foolproof guide to IF addiction! (Or something like that.) If you exhibit any of these signs, you are a certified IF addict. Perhaps you should start writing it.
1. You stop every second to examine your surroundings.
2. You pick up or try to pick up every object in sight.
3. When you try to solve a problem in complete certainty that it will work, and it fails, you start yelling out synonyms for that action, shouting "No! Not guess the verb!"
4. You have coded IF games in every programming language in existence.
5. Dissatisfied with all those languages, you create a new one.
6. You then create another new programming language for IF, just for fun.
7. Your computer runs out of space since it's crammed with IF games and saved-game files.
8. If you're bored and need a laugh, you yell out "Xyzzy!" to see if it elicits any humorous response.
9. You find yourself blaming all the problems in your life on the parser.
10. You quote IF games at every opportunity.
11. You have memorized every move of every IF game you've ever played.
12. Your bookshelves are crammed with maps of games.
13. You look inside every trophy case you see.
14. Whenever you cross a bridge, you look both ways for trolls.
15. On spelunking tours, you have shouted "Plugh!" expecting to find yourself elsewhere.
16. You're afraid of the dark because grues might be lurking there.
17. You always know the exact compass directions of every place you go.
18. Your clock keeps track of turns instead of minutes and hours.
19. Whenever you do a good deed, you check to see if your score went up.
20. You refer to people you know as NPCs.
21. When you encounter the pirate in Adventure, he gasps and says, "Oh no, it's you again! Here, just take the treasure and leave me alone!"
22. Instead of electric lighting, you use brass lanterns.
23. You check every vending machine you see to find out if it sells batteries.
24. You had to buy a new hard drive just to accommodate the IF games you've stored.
25. You've played every game in the IF archive at least once.
26. When you see a rug, you move it to see if it's concealing a trap door.
27. The troll commits suicide when you enter its room because you defeat it so many times, it figures it's useless to try and beat you.
28. You think that any sword that doesn't glow is useless scrap metal.
29. You are responsible for over half of the views at the IF archive.
30. You've played every game in the IF archive, all programming languages.
31. You quote IF games whenever you get the chance.
32. When you watch the Oscars/Emmys/Grammys, you wonder why the XYZZYs aren't on TV.
33. You send letters to all the major networks asking to air the XYZZYs.
34. You send mail to magazines such as People and Entertainment Weekly to feature the XYZZYs already!
35. You begin to talk in IF commands.
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