She remembered how she felt when she came back to find him married. She had thought that she had lost the one person that she could hold on to, the one person that knew her, and even though he never said the words, the first person to love her even though he knew who she was.

And she knew how he must feel right now.

While missing for two years is a hell of a lot different than what he was going through, she knew how betrayed he must feel and she was afraid for him. Afraid of how he might handle all that was going on.

Finding out that your wife wasn�t thought enough was almost to much for him to handle, she could tell, but now with the revelation about his father, she was afraid that this would be beyond to much for him to handle.

Her thoughts were interrupted when she bumped out of a nurse coming out of his hospital room.

�Oh I�m sorry.� She said and Sydney had to hold back her wince at the cheerfulness in her tone. She looked past the woman and into the hospital room to see the bed empty and freshly made.

�Um, where is the patient that was here?� She asked fearfully.

�Oh, the hottie that was hurt?� She asked and Sydney resisted the urge to hit the woman even though Sydney couldn�t exactly fault her for calling Vaughn a hottie. �He left.�

Sydney nodded distractedly at the woman. �He wasn�t supposed to leave.�

The nurse shrugged. � He insisted. Said that he had somewhere to be.�

Sydney nodded and without another word, she turned around and left, hearing the nurse ask her how she knew the �hottie� in that room.

******

She didn�t need anyone to tell her where he was. She knew the place he loved to go when he needed to relax�

Flashback She pulled away from him and brought her arms down from his neck so that her hands were on his upper arms. She felt his own hands planted on her hips. �Thanks.� She whispered, looking into his face, her eyes on his slightly swollen lips from their kisses and she knew that her lips must look the same. He smiled. �No problem. The last thing I want to do when I�m alone with you is discuss what an ass Kendall is.� She couldn�t help but laugh at that. �Even when we are making out in a parking garage?� �Making out? What? Are we 16 years old again?� He teased. She laughed again and took his hand. �Come on. I want to get out of here.� �Wait.� He said, tugging on her hand lightly. She turned around and looked at him. �What�s wrong?� �Do you mind if I take you somewhere?� He seemed so nervous about asking her that she couldn�t help but smile. �Of course not. But where are we going?� �It�s a surprise.� He said, squeezing her hand and leading her to his car. 10 minutes later, they were at the pier. �Why are we here?� She asked, curious. �I love it here. And not just because this is the place where I discovered that I cared about you a lot more than a �handler and asset� relationship, but also because my dad used to take me here. Do you mind?� He asked, looking at her nervously again. She leaned over the seat and kissed him. �Of course not.� He smiled and kissed her again, before getting out of the car. He went around to her side and opened the door. She giggled and held her hand out. He took it and smiled, leading her to the pier, wrapping his arms around her. She pulled on his hands, pulling his arms tighter around her. �Tell me about your dad.� She whispered. He pressed a kiss to her neck before replying. �Well, When I was a kid, every Saturday was our day. He would take me to play hockey on the morning and after about an hour, he would take me here and we would sit here and tell each other about our weeks.� She smiled contentedly. �Sounds nice.� �It was.� He said against her cheek. �You know what?� �Hmm?� She turned her face towards him. �I love it here even more than I did before.� End Flashback

She was startled to see that she was at the pier already. She parked and turned off the car before opening the door and getting out and seeing him right where she expected to.

She walked closer to him and hear his raspy voice. �How did you find me?�

Her heart broke at his tone. �I remembered what you told me about your father. You should have stayed in the hospital.�

She walked over to stand next to him and looked at his slumped posture and defeated face as he stared at the ocean below him.

�I didn�t want to stay there.�

She could hear that his voice was close to cracking. �Vaughn? Talk to me.�

He shook his head and swallowed. �I don�t want to dump this on you.�

�Vaughn,� She brought her hand up and out it on his shoulder. �How many times did I dump my problems onto you? Please, talk to me.�

He took a deep breath and spoke, his voice weak and she could see him wince in pain as his sore body moved. �You were never the only one of the two of us that needed something to hold onto. And when my father died, it was my memories of him. Then when I met you�� He trailed off, shaking his head, but not looking at her. �I couldn�t let myself hold onto you, because you were the asset and I was the handler. But you don�t know how much I wanted to hold onto you.�

�Yes I do.� She said softly. �Because I felt the same way.�

He finally looked at her and her heart continued to break at the defeated and lost look in his eyes. �I wasn�t sure. Then that night here happened and you let me in. I could start to let myself hold onto you.�

�Then SD-6 went down.�

He nodded. �Yeah. Then my memories, even though they were still there, of my father were pushed back into my head as I let myself believe in you. I mean, he was dead and all he was to me were memories. You were there, so why couldn�t I let myself believe in you? Sydney,� He looked at her again and she kept his gaze. �That night, when you disappeared, I lost it. I had lost you. My only real person on this planet that I could hold on to. I grieved for longer than I know you believe, Syd and when I met Lauren, she was, and now I know why, willing to help me, to give me something else to hold onto and so I held onto the memories of you and my father, and let myself believe in someone real. At least I thought I did. I realize now that I never truly believed in her. How could I? I think, somehow, my subconscious knew and wouldn�t let me believe in her and I am so sorry that I thought I could, that I made you, the one person that I knew that I could hold onto, believe that I didn�t care for you. I am so sorry.�

Sydney watched his tears roll down his face and she couldn�t hold back her own. �I don�t blame you, Vaughn.�

He wiped his tears and shook his head. �Yes you do. Sydney, I blame me. When I found that gun and wig in Lauren�s suitcase, I thought �At least I have my memories of my dad to hold onto now, because I don�t have Sydney.� I can�t hold onto my memories of you, Sydney, because your still here even though I know I screwed things up. Lauren was never really one to hold onto anyway. And now I don�t have my memories of my dad, because all of them are tainted by the woman I thought I could hold onto at first. And she had no problem tainting them. I don�t know who to hold onto anymore.�

�Vaughn,� She wiped at her own tears. �Our relationship needs mending. And while we can never be who we were, we can become someone new together. Make new memories and replace the tainted ones. Admittedly, my own memories of you are tainted, but I can believe in you again.� She said honestly. �And you can still hold onto me.�

He covered his face with his hand. �I�m sorry,� he whispered and she leaned over to pull him into her arms, tears falling down both of their faces.

�We can replace the tainted memories, Vaughn.� She whispered. �With time, we�ll be ok.�

End