december 19, 1999 SRU: Customer Service By Ocicat Nick Dannon sat behind the wheel of his gray ford explorer and began to fume madly as he waited for the traffic ahead of him to clear. His watch told him it was now going on about twenty to five, and he would be late yet again tonight. On most nights he didn't care, but tonight was to be special, it was his wife Penny's birthday, and he was trying to get home to surprise her for once. His job as a military contractor kept him busy and away from the house most of the day. If he was lucky, he would make it home in time to see his wife retire for the evening or lounging in the tub. Right now, according to the traffic ahead, it appeared as though he wasn't going anywhere! He had a short temper anyway, and sitting in the hot car with an aching stomach wasn't making matters any easier! He cursed himself for not getting a bite to eat earlier. He was a habitual workaholic, and never liked to break away if he could help it. Today for some reason, it was different. Today of all days, he wanted to get a bite to eat but his boss, a bastard of a man named McCarthy had him work over a few extra hours to cleanup some schematics for a new anti aircraft weapon called the Desert Thorn. Nick now wiped the sweat from his brow as he honked the horn into the red Dodge ahead of him in anger. "C'mon ya son of a bitch! Lets's move it!" he swore loudly. He could hear some sort of reply as the car ahead of him honked back and flashed it's taillight. Nick could feel his throat tighten and his pulse quicken as his nerves began to pick up a bit. He was tired, cranky, and not ready for anyone's shit! His stomach aced as the traffic ahead began to slowly crawl forward inch y inch. Nick flipped on the radio and played t with the dial trying to find a suitable station. Finally, after what seemed like hours, the pace of the traffic picked up, and Nick put the vehicle into gear. He quickly found enough room to pass the red car that had plagued him for so long. Angrily nick yelled into the car "Learn to drive you horses' ass!" the driver of the car, a somewhat older Asian man looked at him blankly. " That's right Hop Sing! Fucking china man!" Nick shot hatefully. " Goddamn foreigners- learn to fucking drive...all they wanna do is come over here and take our jobs and destroy our culture!!" he swore. Nick pulled out in front of the red car very nearly taking off it's front end. He ignored the honks of protest as he made his way down the street at breakneck pace. A few moments later, the pressure on is nerves and his bowls was too much to bear. Nick realized he had another fifty minutes to go until he would be home, but he just HAD to stop and take a break. His stomach began to constantly remind him of it's plight. Nick swore to himself a couple more times as he passed an Amish buggy at better than mach 3 racing around and cutting in front of the horse very nearly spooking it completely off the road. "Get a car you country bastards! Wake up and join the rest of the modern world!" he laughed into the rearview mirror. Nick began to weave in and out of traffic, making wise cracks and directing racial and ethnic ephitets at almost every driver in front of him. Hew a s focused, he was driven, and he was sick of being made to wait! His head hurt, he wasn't feeling the best, and he didn't give a shit about anything other than getting home! Nick began to make pretty good time up until his stomach again reminded him to feed it and his bladder reminded him to empty it. He swore to himself as he began to pull off the road and into a strip mall. "Shit I'm behind schedule!" he mused pulling into a parking place. Angrily he slammed the vehicle into park and killed the engine. His bladder began to sting him as he ran into the strip mall. HE had no time to be picky- he decided the first store he hit he would piss in. Nick opened the doors of the h mall and staggered in, luckily he came across a small store with a bright blue neon sign and a pair of wide display windows filled with what he considered junk. "You got a bathroom in here?" he yeleld. No response. " Anybody here? Hey- HELLLOOOO!!" he called. No response. Nick sauntered over to a glass display case where there was a silver bell and a catalogue. Nick picked up the catalogue "Spells R Us... what kinda shit is this..." he swore. " Hey, anybody here?" he yelled. Nick began to look around. Nothing and nobody. " God damn!" he began walking for the door. Suddenly, he was met by a large gray and black dog that looked to be a German Shepherd or a wolf. The dog's eyes stared up at Nick as if asking it it's business. "Get away from me!" shouted Nick. The dog cocked it's head as Nick tried to pass. A few steps further and Nick began to feel his bladder leak out and into his pants. He could feel the pressure on his body begin to sting him. Nick worked his way toward the door. The dog blocked his b path. "Get away you mangy mutt! Get out of my way!" he shouted. "Can I help you?" Nick heard. Nick stared at the dog. His face wrinkled up in disbelief. "You say something dog?" "No...but I did-" said a kind and gentile voice. Nick spun around to see a somewhat wizardly looking man dressed in a soft terry cloth type of shirt and some sort of matching pants. His eyes were kind and painted with age, his hair whispy and silver. Nick imagined hi stepping form some sort of Da Vinci painting. He placed his gentile but well worn hands on the counter as he looked into nick's eyes. "Welcome to Spells R Us...how can I help you young man." He asked. "You can start by...what... where's the dog." Began Nick. "What dog." "The...the dog. The big ass dog that was..." protested Nick beginning to look around. The dog that had barred his path earlier was now mysteriously gone! Nick looked around as his bladder began to act up. "I need to use the bathroom- do you have a-men's room..." he asked. "Sorry-no bathroom." "What do you mean no bathroom! What kind of store is this!" thundered Nick looking into his eyes. " Look, I have to use the facilities. You have to have facilities here...can I use them!" he bemoaned. His temper was beginning to amplify. The old man kept his cool and smiled. "Sorry- I've no bathroom. Try in the mall-there may be one down by the food court ." "Dammit man! Look-I'll buy something if you want! I have to use the bathroom! " Nick insisted. The old man sort of smiled and nodded. "This way." He began walking slowly toward the back Nick now somewhat crunched over to prevent pissing himself followed. As they walked the perhaps fifty feet or so to a small door, Nick noticed the back storage room, like the store up front was filled with old junk and nick knacks of every description. The corridor was dark, and smelled musty. Nick followed obediently as the man showed him a small white wooden door. Nick entered the room as the old man nodded silently, a pleasing smile on his face. A few minutes later, after relieving himself, Nick slowly worked his way out of the bathroom and back down the dark corridor flanked by various objects and items of every kind. Nick shook his head as the corridor now seemed somewhat crowded with more boxes and merchandise than what he remembered being there before. He staggered up to the front and through a red curtain that was now drawn, separating the sales floor from the back rooms. He noticed the old man was looking at some sort of book and filling out some sort of forms. "Thanks mister- I really needed that- man I had to piss like a racehorse." "If you say so-" the man sort of mumbled. Nick looked at him and wiped his brow. "Man what a relief. I have this bladder condition-" he attempted to explain as he began to look around. The old man said nothing. Nick began to meander around the racks of merchandise. "'You have a pretty unique store here gramps-I've never seen half of this shit before. You some kinda junk man or something?" he asked. "I deal in the...unique." said the old man. I can get just about anything you want." "Oh you can. You deliver?" Nick asked with a smile. "Anything over fifty dollars." Began the man with a smile. Are you looking for something special?" "Yeah, nothing too expensive, and nothing made in Japan!" he laughed. The old man was taken aback as Nick began to rant about his displeasure with anything Asian made. It began to burn a hole in his heart as he shed a tear. He could begin to smell the hate in the man's heart like so much garbage in his own refrigerator. Nick sauntered over to a glass display case and crouched to stare at a small statue of a rearing gray horse. His face lit up as the old man approached the case with a tarnished silver key. "Do you like it?" the old man asked. "How much?" "It's absolutely beautiful. My girlfriend will absolutely love it! She's really into horses. How much..." Nick whispered again as the old man brought the statue out of the case. "This is a display only...I can order one in for you-It will take about a week." " Why-can't I have this one..." said Nick his eyes transfixed on the bright eyes of the horse. He ran his fingers over it's finely sculpted body. He could almost feel the power of the body and sense the strength in the legs the horse's mouth was open almost as if it were calling for help, it's eyes wide and full of live. Nick carefully set the statue down on the glass and bent to inspect it further. He began to go for his wallet. "Cash or credit..." he stated coldly. The old man eyed him carefully and sort of smiled. "I cannot sell this one good sir, you must understand-it's strictly for display." Argued the old man. Nick straightened back up and stared into his pleading eyes. Something deep inside him the old man was NOT going to let him buy the statue! "Now- we ca make this easy or we can have problems old man! How much for that statue? This is a store right? You DO sell things here right? I want that horse- I'm the customer!" "Please sir, it's policy, I don't sell floor samples. I can order it for you." the old man offered. Nick began to get angrier by the moment. He sensed that he and the old an were at an impasse that neither one wanted to give into. "I don't know what the problem is. I want that statue mister. I'm willing to offer you twice what you ask!' " I'm sorry, I can't sell it-" the old man insisted his face starting to loose it's warmth. " I've never been so insulted!" threatened Nick. " Your customer service here really sucks! I'm going to make some calls believe you me1 I'll have you shut down in a week! You don't know what I'm capable of- now if you want to keep me quiet and make a little money, you'll sell me tat horse or I'll go elsewhere. " "I'm sorry sir, I simply cannot sell the floor sample. It really is one of a kind. Please, you can see that it's dirty, it's chipped a bit on the base, and it really is quite dated. If you'd like, I can get you THIS year's statue for half the price." The old man offered. "This year's statue-at half the price- what's your game old man. What's the catch? He asked with a smile. Somehow his brain couldn't work out why he would get the better statue at half the price. The old man shuffled his feet and looked away only briefly. "'No game my good man. That's the best I can do for you. " "This doesn't sound right old man, you ant to give me a better statue at half the price?" How in the hell do you stay in business doing shit like that!" Nick laughed slapping the counter. The old man's eye were bright and full of hope as he watched the other man ponder his offer. Nick sighed a bit and began to nod his head. "You got a deal old man. First I want to know where this thing came from., It certainly doesn't look like anything I'd ever seen before!" he began staring at the workmanship. Nick was no art historian, but he COULD tell where something was made. "Does it really matter? It's a statue-" began the old man in sort of a defensive tone. Nick straightened up and stared him in the eye as he took out his wallet. The old man watched a she exposed a white business card and slapped it on the display case. "I don't buy foreign old man- never have. Never will. My whole family was killed by either Krauts or Japs. It better not be Indian either. I bought one of those fancy rugs in India last year and I had bugs I can't even describe!" The old man nodded slowly and smiled. "Rest assured, it's domestic." He said with confidence. Nick smiled as he set his wallet down. The old man could see he was feeling a little more at ease. "How long do I have to return it- if she doesn't like it." " It's rather non refundable my friend. Once an item has left this store it's yours. I don't accept returns or exchanges. " "What if my girlfriend hates it- you're telling me I'm stuck with it? What kind of sales support is that! Most stores at least give you your money back!" shot Nick. "My store is a bit different my friend. It sells one of a kind collectables and curios. Due to their rather special nature, I cannot accept them back despite any sort of problems." " Buyer beware heh?" smirked Nick staring at the statue once more. Shit, he hated to give up now. It was rather unique and there was little doubt in his m mind that Penny would actually hate it as much as she loved horses. Nick shook his head in disbelief wrestling with his inner thoughts. The old man watched as he slowly stood back up and began to open his wallet. "How much for the new statue." He asked coldly The old man sighed as he began to stroke the gray cat in his arms, Nick looked up and just about shit. His eye opened wide as he sort of feel back. 'Where did- where did that come from!" he demanded. "Where did what come from?" replied the old man the cat in his arms was beginning to purr and rub it's head into his arm. Nick stared at the cat and then at the man. "That cat! You DIDN'T have a cat a second ago!!" "You're sure- he's been here all this time." Said the old man letting the cat down. At least I think he has. He comes and goes. It's so hard to keep track of things these days." he sort of muttered. The cat began meowing and rubbing his leg. Nick turned away for just a second to wipe his eyes. When he opened them, the cat was gone and in it's place was a small silver statue of a stretching cat with bright jade eyes. The old man picked up the statue and set it on the glass display case. Nick took a few steps back in disbelief, not sure to trust what he was now witnessing. "Ok, ok quit fucking with me man- how much for the statue." He repeated. "The price is sort of high my friend. But I see you need it more than I. Your girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow right?" he asked. Nick nodded slowly, still staring with disbelief at the cat. "Then there will be no charge. You're free to take the statue if you can lift it." He smiled Nick began to laugh as the old man took the statue from the case and set it on the glass cabinet. "You have got to be kidding! All I have to do is pick up that statue- and it's mine? What about earlier- you said I'd get this year's statue." "So you shall friend- but first you need to pick up last years. Simple task really." Said the old man. Nick took a deep breath and stepped back a little to give himself some leverage. The statue though small, appeared to look heavy in the light, almost as if it were made of concrete. The old man smiled a Nick sort of took a few breaths and began to rub his hands. The old man motioned to the statue as he took a step back/ Nick approached the statue and reacehd for it. Instantly, nick's eye turned large and full of fear. His mouth went slack as he noticed his hands, or what used to be them, were now slowly turning into a set of paws. Nick turned his hands over and watched with shock as large black pads began to push up and out of his palms and on the tips of his fingers. He shook his head as his fingernails began to lengthen. "What.. .what the hell! What the hell is happening to me!" he demanded the old man smiled politely and picked up a magazine as Nick's body began to crunch with sound of bone crunching against bone and the sickening sound of muscle tearing. Nick, helpless to explain turned to face himself in a large ornate mirror festooned with large birds. "What's going on man! What the hell is..." he screamed in disbelief. The old man paid him no mind as he continued to shift. He staggered a bit as his skin began to carpet itself in thickening black fur-ticked with white. Nick cringed as his ears began to lengthen and come to pons on the sides of his heads. Nick grabbed for them out of instinct. The old man watched as his face began to push into a small rotund muzzle , and sprout white whiskers. "Stop this! What are you doing to me-stop this!!" Nick screamed shutting his eyes in pain. He could feel his eyes beginning to burn like a furnace and begin to itch as if he had been stung by bees. Furiously, Nick feel to the floor and began screaming in pain. He could feel his insides begin to move from place to place, and his organs shrink. His throat felt tight, and his fingers seemed to stop providing the mobility he had been so accustomed to. Nick opened his eyes and stared blankly at the new from across from him. He could only watch in horror, as a large thick bushy tail began to wrap around his body. There was something strange about it. Nick began to shake his head in disbelief as his senses returned to him. Whisps of white began to flash into his view and Nick began to get a sense of what he was becoming! "No! What the fuck is happening to me- I look like a... a skunk! No! Not a skunk!! He pleaded. " I look like a skunk!" he began crying, He stared down at his lengthening nails that were designed for burrowing. His ears pivoted atop his head as he began to groom himself. The old man smiled as he ran his hand down the skunk morph's body. Nick out of pleasure, found his body arching his back and wrapping his tail around the man's hand like a cat. Nick looked up at the man with pleading eyes. His small mouth began to open. "I... I don't understand...I thought...you said you would give me this years's statue. You promised me..." he began. The old man took up is magazine once more as he sat at the counter with one careful eye he watched as the man before him began to swell up. Nick coughed as his body began to grow softer and softer. "Wait... what's happening! What's HAPPENING TO ME!!" he began feeling is body growing softer and larger by the second. Nick began to cough, and his eyes began to water as he began to loose all sense of sensation on his limbs and throughout his body. His mouth opened a little as a small pink tongue began to work out of his mouth. "Help me! Help me you fucker! What did you do to me!! What's happening to me!!" nick pleaded, his eyes filling with fear. The old man slowly set his magazine down and went to the back room. Nick began screaming for him as best he could. His new body, growing larger and softer by the moment began to suffocate him. Nick found himself struggling to move his limbs. No use. Nick fought a bit more against the forces which began to work against him. His body began to feel strangely tense and very sore. M His mind began to send horrific signals to his body as he turned to face himself in the mirror once more He could see that his eyes had began to darken into wet little orbs and that his teeth had now come to sharp little points. 'What's happening to me! What did you do to me! Change me back right now! WHATEVER IT IS I WANT YOU TO UNDO IT!" he found himself beginning to squeak in protest. Nick shook his head as the sound of his tinny voice startled him. His eyes grew large as the tail began to thrash wildly around his body, whipping his furry flanks. His clothes which by this point, had fallen off, were now heaped up beneath him like a pile of old rags. Nick carefully stepped from the pile finding it was difficult to control what amounted to paws. The cold bare floor chilled his pads as he took a few steps toward the old man. His eyes returned to the mirror-still lost in disbelief. "This can't be! I'm not a skunk! I'm not a skunk! This is all some sort of trick isn't it!!!" he demanded. The old man said nothing as he went to the display case and took out what looked like a piece of wood. Nick watched as the old man set the stick on the floor and walked away. Nick out of an instinct he neither completely understood or could completely control, found himself walking to the stick and smelling it with an almost complete leathery nose. The wood smelled of sweet flowers. Nick found himself unable to resist. The wise old man watched as Nick, his face beginning to erupt in white markings, fell into the stick and began to roll on the floor in ecstasy. The old man smiled as large tufts of white hair began to push from the top of the skunk morph's head as he scratched and wallowed, unable to escape the grip of the log. "What's happening..."he barely spoke, continuing to wallow." I can't-seem to stop..." The old man stopped and stroked the shrinking skunk morph. "It's a new fragrance my friend, so do tell me how you like it." He said. Nick could feel his frame begin to slowly shrink in size suddenly, without explanation or forewarning. His body began to burn with an unidentifiable energy. He could feel his stiffening joints and body slowly begin to freeze into a prescribed position. Nick shuddered a few times as his mouth began to fill with an awful taste that seemed to be freezing his face and mouth open. " What's happening to me- I thought...you said I'd get ...the statue." He muttered as the feeling paralyzed him completely. Moments passed, and the old man did nothing but watch as Nick's body continued to shrink and solidify. Nick, his eyes not yet affected, watched as almost by some pre-described plan, his body began to attach itself to the wooden log. Helpless to stop his own actions, Nick could do nothing but watch and c go with the actions being forced on him as he watched his own limbs begin to fold into position and his own hands grasp the log. One by one his hands locked up and solidified. His brain screamed as his feet completely changing into those of a skunk, grasped the section log behind him and anchored his weight. He could feel his body growing heavier and heavier. Nick looked around as his brain began to suffocate with the truth of his new form. His eyes, now wet and full of fear, glanced to one side as his mouth opened a bit. That was it. The old man looked down at the forming skunk statue, a pink mist beginning to bellow from beneath it. The old man said a few words in a tongue not heard in a thousand years and soon the skunk began to shine bright as if it were just wet with some sort of shellac. The old man bent to the life sized statue and rubbed the base of the wood log. Almost immediately, the base began to sprout a few fresh d flowers and a crop of grass. The old man smiled as he took in the odor of fresh cut flowers. He closed his eyes as he stood and put his hands on his hips. "Another work of art." The old man studied the statue and grinned widely, his smile was bright, and his teeth were like white pearls. He stroked the whisps of hair on his small beard and shook is head. "This year's statue indeed- I never said it was a horse!" he laughed, picking up the statue. The next day, somewhere outside of Des Moines on a quite street, a large package was delivered to a small quiet colonial style house surrounded by maple trees with a small white picket fence in front. A tall, well defined white woman with auburn hair signed for the mysterious package. Her fingers trembled with anticipation as she thanked the Federal Express delivery man and went inside. She set the package on a great oak table and carefully took of the brown paper wrapping . Her eyes fell quickly on a soft green card that fluttered like a free bird out of the folds between the packaging and a white box. Penny- Happy birthday, sorry I couldn't be there to celebrate, things are really crazy right now. Hope you understand- I tried to get you something to remember me by! -Nick The woman smiled to herself as she finished removing the brown paper and exposing the white box. With unrestrained excitement, she opened the box to find it filled with bubble wrap. With careful hands, she peeled back the bubble wrap and took out a large life like skunk statue sitting on a tree log. She closed her eyes as the scent of fresh flowers began to fill her nose. "You little stinker Nick-just couldn't get away from the skunk works eh? " she whispered as she began to laugh and stare at the skunk, it's expression frozen in a look of innocence. "It's really beautiful. I wish you could be here Nick..." she dreamed looking into her eyes. The woman carefully picked up the statue noting it's heaviness, and carried it to the living room. Slowly and carefully, she set it on an oak buffet table and took a few steps back-completely unaware that the back of her legs were beginning to sprout thick black hairs... ***************** 1999: Ocicat (ocicat@gte.net) All rights reserved- Ocelot Studios Be kind to cats!