4/24/98
As the fortunate readers of our XXX_Party Special Round Robin
my part had a small section on the Wizard's Own college years.
Caleb Jones asked me to write it up as a separate story.
I hope its a worthy entry in this epic.
Dedicated to C.J.

 The Spell'R US Wizard's Own College Days
by Eric

All Sites collecting Spells'R Us Stories Can Archive

REPORT TO THE WIZARD OVER SITE COMMITTEE

by Special Agent Rufus X. Muck.
Re; Wizard of dirty bath robe, Spells'R US Store.
See attachments 127777, 1888765 Aa & C, Volume 2223376
Question to be answered - Why was the Wizard of this Particular Spells 'R
US Store so obsessed with College & colleague Students.
1)  Strangely, he appears to like beautiful, young, & Buxom women.
2)  Perhaps a more detailed answer would lie in his past?
3)  Time travel viewing seemed called for.
4)  Mechanism employed to avoid detection by subject
     A) Susan B. Anthony Coin - its power negated the Wizard's


It was 1925 the time of the Charleston, bootleggers & Calvin C.

	The future Wizard ( Englebert P. Piffle) was attending Faber U.
He seemed to be majoring in selling booze, drugs  & toying with women.
Lately he had come into the circle of a charismatic Professor - one Lewis
Cypher who was teaching ( for a price)  magic to students on the side.
Professor Cypher was also selling the first Spells or Us franchises for $
9,999.16

	Dean Phug called Englebert into his office. He was a short, fat,
balding, ugly man about 60 with glasses as thick as coke bottles. He
smiled with hypocritically sadness on the young man. "Sorry, but you're
going to flunk out - pity you won't graduate. But it takes more than
selling bootleg gin & drugs to get a diploma at this University."

	"Really!" sneered the apprentices wizard. "Then I guess this
isn't your alma mater."

	The dean turned purple from the insult & shook his fist at the
young man. Bert grabbed the man's glasses & took delight in stomping on
them! Dean Phug's world became a blur & he felt physically threatened. He
needed his teddy! He opened the draw of his desk & clutched his old Fuzzy
Wuzzy to his plump chess. The young Wizard-to- be clutched his sides
laughing.

 Then the deans wife entered. She was called the model T wife by the
students as she never stopped sputtering. She talked - nagged really - a
great deal & always spit when she  talked. She was a tall, angular,
witched faced crabby woman & the well founded rumor had it that the dean
had married her years ago to get tenure as her father was the head of the
University - who duly rewarded his extreme courage with a Professor's
chair. 

	"Come Rupert, we are late for the meeting the league of Woman
Against Strong Potions (WASP) " she dragged the man out.

	"I've got to graduate this year - otherwise my  parents ( inhuman
fiends that they  are) will expect me to work for a living." He
shuddered. 

	He was depressed so his beautiful, sexy girl Glenda Good
comforted him with sex. Afterwards he absently fondled her beautiful,
large breasts - some were leg men, but give him a good fatty breast
anytime.

	"What's wrong my little fuzzy cat's pajama's?" asked Glenda ,
instinctively woman like she sensed his passion was lacking its usual
jest. Glenda was justly fond of her blond beauty & it surprised and
offended her that someone wasn't taking full advantage of her bountiful
charms.

	"That stupid hidebound Dean Phug - the old ugly old fart is
insisting on me passing my courses otherwise I won't graduate. - have you
ever heard such drivel? Let me tell you what I did the to the gargoyle."

	" Bert you idiot! he'll never let you graduate now!

	 Then an idea came to him. Cypher was out of town for a at least
a week. He would sneak  in and steal a magic spell book - maybe he would
find something in it that would save him. So he sprang eagerly into this
noble endeavor. He jimmied opened a living room window. The place was
creepy in the dark! It looked more like a curio shop than a home. Stuffed
bears, tiger heads gleaming down, knack knicks were every where. Damn it
- the vault where professor Cypher kept his spell book was locked. He
felt aggrieved - what's wrong didn't the man trust us? He lit a candle
and locked around - ah - one book was on the table. He picked it up in
the dim light he could make out the title -The Idiot's Guide to Advanced
Spells . This might do the trick. Back to burn the midnight oil &
actually study the book. 

	There were spells for turning people into toads & while this was
tempting for the life of him young Engelbert couldn't see how this would
benefit him in this situation, ditto for some spells involving animal
crackers. There was a spell to transport yourself to a world called OZ,
the place seemed like a real dump with a whole city turning green with
mold. Spells to keep demons away, spells to keep vampires away, spells to
keep women from marrying you - useful no doubt, but nothing fit his
situation. The last spell was "BODY SWITCHING MADE EASY!" This looked
promising. Humm! but who would be dumb enough to switch bodies with old
Dean Phug, also who could he trust and what could he offer them? First he
needed to collect the ingredients. Hair from both, a glass which both had
drunk water from, a Calvin Coolidge picture. That was difficult to
obtain, but he got it. He shuddered looking at it. 

	He got Glenda Good, good & drunk and started playing with her
tities.

	"I love you!" he said.

	Immediately she got almost sober with suspicion.

	"What do you want?"

	"Just a little favor - a tiny favor?" my tall beauty.

	"I hope its not to strip for your wizards club!"

	"NO, NO nothing like that. You know Dean Phug is going to keep me
from graduating & have me thrown out of school?"

	"Go on."

	" Well what  if I could change his mind?"

	" And just how are you going to do that?"

	" Literally - I am going to change or exchange his mind - or body
if you prefer with someone warm & sympathetic to me. Then this wonderful
person will change my grades & allow me to graduate. They will only have
to be the dean for two days -tops."

	"Oh, you just who are you going to find dumb enough to do such a
crazy thing -assuming its even possible! Wait a minute you are not
thinking of ME are you Englebert Phatarian Piffle?!"

	"Yes."
  
	"You're out of your gourd!. There's nothing  you can offer me
that you make me do such a thing - ugh be in that ugly body! Aw, your
father's mustache! with knobs on!"
  
	"I will marry you."

	"Marry me" she said weakly. He repeated it. " Well - cross your
heart & hope to die?" He did. " Put it in writing!" he hesitated." Put it
in writing!" He sighed & did it & she hid it away. "What will happened to
my beautiful body? Will it be safe?"

	"He will be in it of course, don't worry I will keep him under
lock & key won't allow him to hurt it."

	She laughed -"That should be the bee's pajamas  - he hates women
- not that I  blame him - his wife is just the ugliest!"

	Glenda went through the procedures, - burned her hair & the
deans, she drank water out of the dean's glass, burned her picture & his,
& kissed the picture of Calvin Coolidge, this took some resolution. When
it was all done. he gave her a sleeping draught.
	
	That morning he stirred gin into his coffee as usual instead of
cream. He watched the sleeping form - & what a form he thought 
admiringly - of his girl friend. He wondered who would wake up in that
beautiful body. It was ten before those blue eyes fluttered open & the
lovely face stared around the room. The rosebud mouth opened with a gasp.

	"Mr. Piffle what are you going in my bedroom!"

	"Look around you, ass hole - is this your room?"

	He-She gasped. " How did  I get here? & what's wrong with my
voice."

	Engelbert laughed &  gave him a mirror. 'Glenda' stared into it &
fainted.

	While his guest was out Bert cranked up the phoned & the operator
put him through to the Dean's house & he spoke to Glenda.

	"God, my wife is a real bitchy-witch. I want to strangler her."

	"NEVER MIND THAT! JUST GET TO THE OFFICE - Change  those 
grades!"

	"OK. OK! Keep your knickers on. & keep an eye of my beautiful
body!"

	 When he got back he found the dean awake, undressed and running
slim, lovely hands in a lasciviously fashion over his new body.

	"My God, I knew Glenda Good was stacked like a brick outhouse,
but I never dreamed it would be as good as this! Glenda really is Glenda
the good!"

	Bert stared at the dean in surprise.

	"How long am I  going to  be in this body?"

	"Two days."

	He - no she pressed that magnificent naked female body against
him & whispered in a voice as low as her intentions. " Why waste valuable
time, Bertie baby.. Twenty two skidoo! " she giggled as he felt him rise
against her. She pulled him down on the bed & proceed to give him the
best roll in the hay he ever had. God, she was good - she was very, very
good - lots better than Glenda - I guess the dean had read lots of dirty
books on how to have great sex. The dean proved to be very, very willing
& eager. They hardly took  time for lunch or dinner.

	"I love this young, sexy beautiful body! " Dean Phug said the
next morning." The thought  of going back to my ugly old pot bellied 
body & that harridan wife of mine fills me with horror & disgust. Let me
keep this body - Glenda can have mine - she is welcome to it! " she laughed
 joyously. " she doesn't really appreciate you anyway!" the Dean added as
seductively as she could.

	"Why I could never do that to my girlfriend" Bert said
reflectively.

	Woman like she immediately caught the tentative nature of his
reply. " I will make it worth  your while!"

	"Do you think I would let you steal Glenda's body & youth & leave
her trapped in your repulsive body when she is there only in it out of love
for me and for money?"

	"Yes!"

	The old fart knew him pretty well.

	"That & great sex!" Phug said pushing Glenda's luscious form
against him.

	"How much?" ( Editor's note: the thought of abandoning his
faithful girl friend in the dean' repulsive body didn't trouble the
Wizard one bit - the swine!).
  
	"I have put away a getaway fund to escape my wife - its ten grand
- its all yours if you let me keep this body! I  never dreamed of such a
great getaway."

	It was enough to by a Spells 'R US franchise from Louis Cypher &
he wouldn't have to keep his promise to marry Glenda.

	"Show me the money!"

	Dean Phug did & smiled triumphantly with Glenda's stolen lips.
	
	When Engelbert P. Piffle found that he had graduated he made a
call on 'Dean Phug'.

	"What are you waiting for, you worm - you should  have switched
us back last night! I can't stand being in this repulsive, old body
another day!" Glenda stared at him through coke bottle glasses.

	"There's been a change in plan."

	"What do you mean a change in plan!" she asked suddenly
horrified. Glenda saw her former body, dressed to  the nine's come
sashaying sexily into the office. She noticed the smile of triumphant on
what had been her lips. Glenda saw her old body press itself up
possessively against Bert.

	"I don't believe, DEAN PHUG, you've met my girl friend, Glenda
Good." said the young Wizard with an evil smile.

	"You son of a bitch!!" she screamed "Give me back my body!"

	"Not a chance. Oh, thanks for getting my grades changed."

	The beautiful young woman smiled at the old man & said "Thanks 
for everything! I just Love MY BODY! " She rubbed slim hands over HER
beautiful young body." Bert thinks I'm much sexier than you ever were!"

	The dean's wife came sputtering in." Come on Rupert, you can talk
to this young couple another day - we're late for tea at my fathers!"
Then she stared at beautiful young woman who was grinning strangely at
her. " Shameless hussy! Try & dress decently!"

	"I'll get you for this if it takes the rest of my life, you
swine!" Yelled the new Dean Phug at the retreating young people.

	Note: From R.Muck
	  Rather than take a chance on losing her stolen body back to its
ordinal owner the new Glenda eventually transported herself to OZ where
she found a youth spell & became that land's most powerful witch. Working
night & day the former Glenda, now trapped as Dean Phug, discovered a
transformation spell that allowed him to transform his current body into
that of a beautiful young woman. She became Claire - the witch that is
the Wizard's nemesis - now she changes women into men. The Wizard of
course started the world's most successful Spells'R US store & found
changing men into beautiful young women soon became a habit. He frugally
uses the same robe he discovered in a second hand store when he was in
college.

	I hope this modest study can shed some light on the subject's
current bizarre behavior.  
	End of Report