6/26/99
SRU: Box Full of Dreams 

Rachel Newstead


Gerry Greer smiled broadly. He did that every time he saw a little girl. And
this one was adorable beyond words.

And crying.

Her mother was nowhere to be seen. Was she lost? He had to help her. In fact,
he wanted to hug her so much he could scream--to let her know everything was
OK, but fought the impulse. A strange man couldn't just go up to a child in
the middle of the mall and hug her--or even TALK to her for that matter, no
matter how badly she needed comforting. Especially a man in a wheelchair. He
would be seen as disturbed at best, a pervert at worst. Mustering every ounce
of energy he could, he swiveled his power chair in the opposite direction and
moved away.

Calling security would be the proper thing to do, he mused. Fortunately,
there was one stationed nearby.

"Excuse me, there's a little girl outside Joslin's that appears to be lost.
Red hair, green eyes, wearing a cute little jumper with Belle from "Beauty
and the Beast on it? I mean, she's just the most precious little thing...."

The guard looked down, raising an eyebrow at Gerry's somewhat animated
description. Oh, boy, Gerry thought, this guy must think I'm a real whacko.
But kids DID that to him, little girls especially. He was so obsessed with
them that for many years he lived in terror that deep down, he was one of
those who did sick things to them...

But he never would do such a thing, and indeed, it would be rather hard in
his physical state. It wasn't something indecent, he reassured himself, it
felt almost like...a motherly concern.

He came to the conclusion long ago that he in fact envied little girls,
wanted to be them. He was transsexual, but felt too grotesque to ever act on
that feeling. And paid a heavy price for it. Days like this just tore his
heart out...

Mumbling something unintelligible, the guard followed Gerry to the spot where
he had last seen the girl. If she sees I'm here, he thought, she won't think
I just left her...

But she was gone.

The guard grunted again. "Hmmph. The mother probably came and got her. Don't
waste my time, mister..."

Gerry was baffled. He hadn't been gone THAT long. Then again, maybe the guard
was right...

But he couldn't get her out of his mind. It was those eyes, so large and
pleading, and so--familiar. Like he knew her somehow, but he had never seen
her before--had he?

God, this is creeping me out, he thought. Maybe if he did a little window
shopping, it might distract him for a while. On his disability check, he was
hardly able to do much else.

He came upon a store he hadn't seen before--"Spells R Us," the sign said.
Strange. Gerry thought he knew every inch of that mall--coming there had
almost been a weekly ritual for five years, looking at the dresses he could
never bring himself to buy.

He knew one thing. He had to go in, even if he wasn't sure why.

Gerry frowned slightly. There was just one small door, seemingly too small
for his behemoth of a wheelchair. But he went in anyway--almost. Halfway in,
the chair wedged tight. The little bell on the door rang repeatedly as he
ground in the wheels and struggled to get free...

"I'm coming, I'm coming. For the love of Merlin, can't you wait five
seconds?"

Way to make a first impression, kiddo. Brand new store and you become a
200-pound doorstop, Gerry muttered, groaning audibly. Gerry sheepishly stared
into the glaring face of an indescribably ancient old man, wearing what
looked like a worn bathrobe.

Just as quickly, the stern features softened, and Gerry thought he could see
the old man smile, however faintly. "Sorry, Gerry, my fault. This shop was
never what you'd call 'wheelchair-accessible.' He waved his hand, widening
the door just enough to let the chair through.

"Th-thanks, old man. But how--I mean, how..."

The old man said nothing but pointed to a sign that said, "I'm a
wizard--don't ask."

Gerry flushed--like he used to say in school, "no duh!" Glancing over to the
counter, he saw another sign--"Clearance sale--limited edition dolls, $5."

It was blonde with blue eyes--her hair came down in delicate ringlets on her
forehead. She was dressed in an ornate Victorian-era outfit, complete with
bloomers. In her arms, she held a rag doll, looking at it with a tender
expression. A tear ran down Gerry's cheek as he thought about the scene just
a short time before. And she looked like she was in need of just as much love
as that other little girl...

"You want five dollars for THAT? I mean, she's too beautiful, so precious..."
Gerry blushed.

"No need to be embarrassed, young man. She'd make a fine addition to your
rather impressive collection..."

"Wait--how...no, don't tell me, I know.."

The old man smiled. This fellow was a lot smarter--and a good deal more
sensitive--than most of the types who stumbled in there.

"You may hold her if you like--a chance for the two of you to get acquainted,
if you will..."

He placed the doll in Gerry's arms and pressed a button concealed in the
back. Gentle music played as a child's voice started to sing,

"There is/a box/ So wide and deep/ A chest of dreams for when you're
asleep..."

That was the song Gerry had written--"Box Full of Dreams." A lullaby he'd
never had the chance to sing to anyone--and had been too embarrassed to
commit to paper. In spite of himself, he quietly began to cry..

Giving Gerry the doll for those few moments gave the wizard all the time he
needed to see the pain in Gerry's heart. He saw a frustrated little boy being
pushed away by the little girls he longed to play with, the anger in that
burned within him as the other boys pulled his crutches from him, sending him
sprawling into the dirt. Who wanted to be held, to be loved, but felt it was
"too sissy..."

Gerry's tears stopped suddenly as he realized what he was doing. Without
looking up, he reached into the zipper compartment of his fanny pack to find
it empty.

"I'm sorry--I-I'd love to have her, but I have no money..."

"That's all right," the wizard said gently. "You can keep her--I think you
need her more than I do..."

"Thank you--I mean, you don't know what this means to me.." Gerry gushed. The
old man widened the door again as Gerry left, saying to himself, "I know more
than you could ever imagine, my friend.."

Gerry made his way slowly toward the Joslin's where he had found the child,
looking vainly for the mall exit and not understanding why he no longer
remembered where it was. The further he wandered, the more fuzzy his thinking
seemed to be. The need for sleep was overwhelming, and he finally
succumbed....

Little Geri Greer rubbed her eyes, still puffy from crying. She'd been
waiting for her mommy so long, she must have fallen asleep. She picked up the
doll that nice old man gave her and pressed the "secret button" on her back.
She liked that song--her mommy always sang it to her when she felt sad, and
she always felt better. But where was mommy now? Geri rocked silently back
and forth, absently putting her thumb in her mouth.

"Geri? THERE you are!"

"Mommy!" Geri squealed as her mother scooped her up in her arms. "I was so
scared--I looked an' looked, an' I couldn't find you, an' I got sleepy..."

"I know, punkin," the woman said soothingly. The old man who gave you your
doll told me where to find you. Everything's OK, baby...oh! That reminds
me--you don't want to forget your doll, sweetheart. She's really special..."

The doll's not the only one who's special, the wizard said to himself,
witnessing the scene before him. Funny--he'd really been in the mood to stick
it to some poor unsuspecting sucker that day. Snorting, he thought, you're
getting soft, old man. Dangerous quality in your profession...

But then again, he did that every time he saw a little girl...

The End