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The traits listed are intended to be viewed as "early warning signs" or predictors of stalking behavior. All may not be present in every stalker, or additional signs may be present in some stalkers. You may notice that several of these predictors are also common or typical to batterers. Although most of the same behaviors listed will be readily identifiable in stalking behavior displayed during or in the aftermath of an intimate relationship, those presented are primarily offered as a means to help identify, in the initial "courting" phase of a new relationship, the type of person who will be likely to resist rejection:

Does not accept emotional or physical boundaries set by others;
Refuses to understand or chooses to ignore the concept of the word "No";
Demonstrates obsession with the object of his affection immediately upon meeting her or very soon thereafter;
Insists on commitments early in the relationship, both for the immediate and long-term future (i.e., marriage, children, living together);
Manipulates with flattery, gifts, "chivalry" or flowers, to obtain something he desires or overcome objections to his attentions (i.e., attempts to make the woman feel obligated to him in some way) ;
Manipulates with guilt, promises, blackmail and accusations that have no basis in truth;
Has a tendency to be overly attentive, particularly in the initial stages of "courtship";
Has a tendency to be jealous and possessive;
Has a tendency to isolate the object of his affection or attempt to prohibit or control her previous relationships with friends, family and co-workers;
Typically will "research" the object of his affection prior to approaching her (i.e., uses the internet, post office, car tags or driver's license records, asks mutual friends, acquaintances and co-workers for information, phone numbers, arranged introductions or dates, etc.);
Invents commitments that were never made (for instance, "maybe" becomes, to him, a "promise");
Makes promises you never considered soliciting from him concerning his motives or plans. (i.e., a promise made to convince you of his intentions so that he may engage you in conversation, etc., such as "This is the last time you'll hear from me, I promise");
Demonstrates determined attempts to establish premature trust (for example, he may often make remarks alluding to "we" or "us", inferring intimacy that doesn't exist);
"Projects" his needs and his image of the "perfect relationship" or the "perfect woman" onto the object of his affection, insisting that she "live up to" his ideals, and may display acute denial, irrational disappointment or anger when she does not;
Insists, early in the relationship, that he "knows what you need", what will make you happy or what you will like, even when you openly state preferences to the contrary (may present as arguments, such as, "yes, you do like sports; everybody likes sports!" or "You really love me; you just don't know it yet". Note the element of "control" in this behavior);
Overrides your preferences, objections and concerns, both verbally and non-verbally (by his actions);
Displays behavior indicating that the relationship "validates" him as a person or that his identity as a man is dependent upon having an intimate relationship;
Appears at your work or home unexpectedly and without invitation;
Demands you account for your time and whereabouts when away from him;
Telephones you at work or home constantly, even when you have asked him not to (may even admit to telephoning just to hear your voice on the recorder);
Demonstrates persistence in his (unwanted) pursuit that illustrates an unreasonable, unjustified perception of emotional "entitlement";
Attempts to draw your friends or relatives into "collusion" or "conspiracy" with him to gain your affection;
Expresses the desire that he wants you to make him your "whole world" and vice versa;
Is extremely narcissistic and presents himself as talented, gifted, powerful, "Mr. Wonderful";
May use fear or threats as tools to intimidate (including vandalism, slashing tires, threats to pets and children, threats to defame the character of the victim, etc.);
May try to shift the focus onto the victim and away from their own behavior by claiming that the victim is stalking them or by accusing victims of child abuse or neglect;
Follows you or practices some type of surveillance to watch you or monitor your activities.
A popular expression is that people should not "live their lives in fear", but there is some basis for the theory that a person who relies on her powers of logic alone may unintentionally overlook the subtle signals of determined or irrational obsession that her potential stalker displays. In the poetry collection, No Visible Scars, author Allison Werth details this conflict with well-targeted insight in her poem, "Prayers", when she writes:

"There's fear that will keep you alive,
And fear that will keep you from living,
'Lord, please help me to tell them apart.'"
(Werth, Allison (2000). No Visible Scars. "Prayers from the Dark Hours", pg. 12. Lawrence, KS: Late Bloomer Publishing.)

For example, if one dozen roses were delivered to you at your home or workplace bearing a card from "a secret admirer", would you be alarmed if afterward, a man you did not know telephoned you and confessed that he was your secret admirer? If, when you questioned him about how he had obtained your telephone number and address, he told you that he had seen you at a party or restaurant, followed you to your car where he wrote down your license plate information, and then used that information to obtain your address and phone number, would you feel flattered or would you feel that your privacy had been invaded? Would you feel vulnerable, threatened or fearful? If so, then your "gut feeling" is probably providing you with a warning signal that should not be ignored.

How would you react if you noticed that a man you had dated a few times suddenly began following you to and from your workplace, or drove alongside you, pacing you with his car? What would you feel if he later explained his actions by saying, "We live in a very dangerous world and I just wanted to make sure you were safe"? Would you feel comforted by his chivalry and his gesture of protection, or would you feel that his explanation was a means of justifying inappropriate behavior? Would you feel that your safety had been in jeopardy or your liberty of movement had been compromised?

This is not to suggest that we should develop paranoid attitudes, constantly be "looking over our shoulder" for the hidden attacker lurking around the corner, waiting to harm us, or assume that every friendly man is a potential rapist or serial killer. However, contemporary American society is replete with examples of crime and violence, particularly crimes against women, and women should not allow themselves to be made to feel foolish or impolite for taking appropriate precautions against violence.

When an advocate assists a victim of domestic violence or stalking in creating a safety plan, for instance, the advocate is, in essence, counseling a victim to anticipate danger and to act when the victim recognizes the warning signs that predict danger. If the victim accepts this counsel and adheres to the safety plan her own knowledge of her batterer or stalker's habits and customs has helped her to create, then ultimately that victim has increased her chances of moving from the ranks of "victims" to the company of those we know as "survivors".

Like sexual assault offenders and rapists, stalkers do not stalk as a result of a "sexual need" or motivation. Rather, it is anger or hostility toward the victim that causes a stalker to stalk, and a desire to establish power and control over the victim.

The U.S. Department of Justice's Office for Victims of Crime (OVC) recently convened a national focus group to gather information about stalking crimes. The group was composed of stalking victims, victim advocates, and victim assistance providers, including prosecutors and law enforcement officers. Interestingly, stalking victims who participated in the focus group all "asserted that their stalkers had systematically tried to subjugate them" (Stalking and Domestic Violence. May 2001 Report to Congress. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, NCJ 186157):

"Some acts convey subtle messages meant to instill fear, while others brutally remind victims of their stalkers' dominance over them. Discussion participants described a range of stalking tactics that included:
Leaving or sending unwanted messages, such as sending letters written in blood or cut-up pictures of victims;
Breaking into and vandalizing property, such as homes and cars;
Following, harassing, and defaming victims;
Tracking down victims' contact information in cases in which victims try to hide (e.g., through neighbors, employers, and even the police);
Impersonating people trusted by victims to obtain access to them;
Threatening physical harm or death to victims, family members, and friends, such as threatening to place a bomb in a victim's car or to kill a victim's lawyer;
Killing victims' pets;
Kidnapping victims;
Physically attacking and torturing victims;
Sexually assaulting victims;
Using weapons to hurt or kill victims.
(Stalking and Domestic Violence. May 2001 Report to Congress. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs, NCJ 186157.)

One victim who participated in the focus group described how her stalker had stalked her for three years, during which time he broke into her house, beat her and threatened to kill her if she told anyone. Another victim in the focus group described enduring beatings, vandalism to home and car, in addition to six-to-ten unwanted letters per day from her stalker, the letters being typically eight pages long, written on both sides. Another victim described being fired from her job and forced to declare bankruptcy as a direct consequence of stalking. One victim described spending almost 2 years hiding from her stalker in basements at homes of people she knew, only going home every few days to feed her pets. Her stalker eventually attempted to shoot her.

Perhaps the best predictor of violence in a stalker is that of "emotional entitlement". If, in discussing the victim's concerns, the law enforcement officer or advocate perceives that the victim is describing a stalker in terms of being a person who feels strongly that he is entitled to retain control and power over his victim's actions, thoughts, feelings or behavior, then the potential for lethal violence is high and additional safety precautions should be taken on behalf of the victim and her children. Likewise, equally careful measures should be taken for a stalking victim who reports that she and her stalker have had only a short-term intimate relationship, but that the stalker is exhibiting behavior that:

indicates he has a high degree of emotional investment in the relationship;
indicates he has become obsessed with the victim, as may be evidenced by an unusual interest in or knowledge of the victim's likes or dislikes, her habits, customs, thoughts, personal tastes or character;
borders on "bizarre" considering the length of time that the relationship had endured.
"Bizarre" behavior may be an indication of mental illness, although it should be remembered that mental illness is not usually what precipitates stalking behavior. Rather, as with battering behavior, power and control issues are most often the motivating factors for stalking behavior.

Therapists who work with stalkers typically employ techniques to transfer the stalker's obsession with his/her victim to the therapist in an effort to divert the stalker's attention from his target. Therapists report that offenders may actually fantasize about establishing or re-establishing a relationship with their victim. Such a fantasy will, in all likelihood, serve as a precursor to stalking behavior or increased stalking activities.

But fantasies and obsessions are not necessarily indicators of mental illness either and it should be remembered that only in rare cases is it necessary to ask a licensed mental health practitioner to make an assessment of a stalker's mental health. Generally speaking, if a stalker provides evidence that he is making clear choices in his conduct and/or patterns of behavior, he is probably not mentally ill.

Indicators of stalking behavior (or of escalating stalking behavior), as noted by therapists and batterer intervention counselors include evidence that the offender:

is not reporting to work or is having difficulty at work;
is avoiding friends, co-workers or relatives, or disassociating himself from friends, and spending more time in solitary activities;
has abandoned hobbies or leisure-time activities;
is contemplating suicide.

To Profile a Stalker

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