| Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy |
| The Basics |
| Rational emotive behavior therapy (REBT) is a comprehensive approach to psychological treatment that deals not only with the emotional and behavioral aspects of human disturbance, but places a great deal of stress on its thinking component. Human beings are exceptionally complex, and there neither seems to be any simple way in which they become "emotionally disturbed," nor is there a single way in which they can be helped to be less-defeating. Their psychological problems arise from their misperceptions and mistaken cognitions about what they perceive; from their emotional underreactions or overreactions to normal and unusual stimuli; and from their habitually dysfunctional behavior patterns, which enable them to keep repeating nonadjustive responses even when they "know" that they are behaving poorly. Philosophical Conditioning REBT is based on the assumption that what we label our "emotional" reactions are largely caused by our conscious and unconscious evaluations, interpretations, and philosophies. Thus, we feel anxious or depressed because we strongly convince ourselves that it is terrible when we fail at something or that we can't stand the pain of being rejected. We feel hostile because we vigorously believe that people who behave unfairly to us absolutely should not act the way they indubitably do, and that it is utterly insufferable when they frustrate us. Like stoicism, a school of philosophy which existed some two thousand years ago. Rational emotive behavior therapy holds that there are virtually no good reasons why human beings have to make themselves very neurotic, no matter what kind of negative stimuli impinge on them. It gives them full leeway to feel strong negative emotions, such as sorrow, regret, displeasure, annoyance, rebellion, and determination to change social conditions. It believes, however, that when they experience certain self-defeating and unhealthy emotions (such as panic, depression, worthlessness, or rage), they are usually adding an unrealistic and illogical hypothesis to their empirically-based view that their own acts or those of others are reprehensible or inefficient and that something would better be done about changing them. Rational emotive behavior therapists -- often within the first session or two of seeing a client -- can almost always put their finger on a few central irrational philosophies of life which this client is vehemently believing. They can show clients how these ideas inevitably lead to emotional problems and hence to presenting clinical symptoms, can demonstrate exactly how they forthrightly question and challenge these ideas, and can often induce them to work to uproot them and to replace them with scientifically testable hypotheses about themselves and the world which are not likely to get them into future neurotic difficulties. |
| 12 Irrational Ideas That Cause and Sustain Neurosis Rational therapy holds that certain core irrational ideas, which have been clinically observed, are at the root of most neurotic disturbance. They are: 1.The idea that it is a dire necessity for adults to be loved by significant others for almost everything they do -- instead of their concentrating on their own self-respect, on winning approval for practical purposes, and on loving rather than on being loved. 2.The idea that certain acts are awful or wicked, and that people who perform such acts should be severely damned -- instead of the idea that certain acts are self-defeating or antisocial, and that people who perform such acts are behaving stupidly, ignorantly, or neurotically, and would be better helped to change. People's poor behaviors do not make them rotten individuals. 3.The idea that it is horrible when things are not the way we like them to be -- instead of the idea that it is too bad, that we would better try to change or control bad conditions so that they become more satisfactory, and, if that is not possible, we had better temporarily accept and gracefully lump their existence. 4.The idea that human misery is invariably externally caused and is forced on us by outside people and events -- instead of the idea that neurosis is largely caused by the view that we take of unfortunate conditions. 5.The idea that if something is or may be dangerous or fearsome we should be terribly upset and endlessly obsess about it -- instead of the idea that one would better frankly face it and render it non-dangerous and, when that is not possible, accept the inevitable. 6.The idea that it is easier to avoid than to face life difficulties and self-responsibilities -- instead of the idea that the so-called easy way is usually much harder in the long run. 7.The idea that we absolutely need something other or stronger or greater than ourself on which to rely -- instead of the idea that it is better to take the risks of thinking and acting less dependently. 8.The idea that we should be thoroughly competent, intelligent, and achieving in all possible respects -- instead of the idea that we would better do rather than always need to do well and accept ourself as a quite imperfect creature, who has general human limitations and specific fallibilities. 9.The idea that because something once strongly affected our life, it should indefinitely affect it -- instead of the idea that we can learn from our past experiences but not be overly-attached to or prejudiced by them. 10.The idea that we must have certain and perfect control over things -- instead of the idea that the world is full of probability and chance and that we can still enjoy life despite this. 11.The idea that human happiness can be achieved by inertia and inaction -- instead of the idea that we tend to be happiest when we are vitally absorbed in creative pursuits, or when we are devoting ourselves to people or projects outside ourselves. 12.The idea that we have virtually no control over our emotions and that we cannot help feeling disturbed about things -- instead of the idea that we have real control over our destructive emotions if we choose to work at changing the hypotheses which we often employ to create them. |
| The ABC�s of feelings & behaviours 'A� refers to whatever started things off: a circumstance, event or experience - or just thinking about something which has happened. This triggers off thoughts ('B�), which in turn create a reaction - feelings and behaviours - ('C�). To see this in operation, let�s meet Alice. A young woman who had always tended to doubt herself, Alice imagined that other people did not like her, and that they were only friendly because they pitied her. One day, a friend passed her in the street without returning her greeting - to which Alice reacted negatively. Here is the event, Alice�s beliefs, and her reaction, put into the ABC format: A. What started things off: Friend passed me in the street without speaking to me. B. Beliefs about A.: 1.He�s ignoring me. He doesn�t like me. 2.I could end up without friends for ever. 3.That would be terrible. 4.For me to be happy and feel worthwhile, people must like me. 5.I�m unacceptable as a friend - so I must be worthless as a person. C. Reaction: Feelings: worthless, depressed. Behaviours: avoiding people generally. Now, someone who thought differently about the same event would react in another way: A. What started things off: Friend passed me in the street without speaking to me. B. Beliefs about A.: 1.He didn�t ignore me deliberately. He may not have seen me. 2.He might have something on his mind. 3.I�d like to help if I can. C. Reaction: Feelings: Concerned. Behaviours: Went to visit friend, to see how he is. These examples show how different ways of viewing the same event can lead to different reactions. The same principle operates in reverse: when people react alike, it is because they are thinking in similar ways. |
| The rules we live by What we tell ourselves in specific situations depends on the rules we hold. Everyone has a set of general 'rules�. Some will be rational, others will be self-defeating or irrational. Each person�s set is different. Mostly subconscious, these rules determine how we react to life. When an event triggers off a train of thought, what we consciously think depends on the general rules we subconsciously apply to the event. Let us say that you hold the general rule: 'To be worthwhile, I must succeed at everything I do.� You happen to fail an examination; an event which, coupled with the underlying rule, leads you to the conclusion: 'I�m not worthwhile.� Underlying rules are generalisations: one rule can apply to many situations. If you believe, for example: 'I can�t stand discomfort and pain and must avoid them at all costs,� you might apply this to the dentist, to work, to relationships, and to life in general. Why be concerned about your rules? While most will be valid and helpful, some will be self-defeating. Faulty rules will lead to faulty conclusions. Take the rule: 'If I am to feel OK about myself, others must like and approve of me.� Let us say that your boss tells you off. You may (rightly) think: 'He is angry with me� - but you may wrongly conclude: 'This proves I�m a failure.� And changing the situation (for instance, getting your boss to like you) would still leave the underlying rule untouched. It would then be there to bother you whenever some future event triggered it off. Most self-defeating rules are a variation of one or other of the '12 Self-defeating Beliefs� listed at the end of this page. Take a look at this list now. Which ones do you identify with? Which are the ones that guide your reactions? |
| What are self-defeating beliefs? To describe a belief as self-defeating, or irrational, is to say that: It distorts reality (it�s a misinterpretation of what�s happening); or it involves some illogical ways of evaluating yourself, others, and the world around you: awfulising, can�t-stand-it-itis, demanding and people-rating. It blocks you from achieving your goals and purposes; It creates extreme emotions which persist, and which distress and immobilise; and it leads to behaviours that harm yourself, others, and your life in general. Four ways to screw yourself up There are four typical ways of thinking that will make you feel bad or behave in dysfunctional ways: 1.Awfulising: using words like 'awful�, 'terrible�, 'horrible�, 'catastrophic� to describe something - e.g. 'It would be terrible if ��, 'It�s the worst thing that could happen�, 'That would be the end of the world�. 2.Cant-stand-it-itis: viewing an event or experience as unbearable - e.g. 'I can�t stand it�, 'It�s absolutely unbearable�, I�ll die if I get rejected�. 3.Demanding: using 'shoulds� (moralising) or 'musts�- e.g. 'I should not have done that, 'I must not fail�, 'I need to be loved�, 'I have to have a drink�. 4.People-rating: labelling or rating your total self (or someone else�s) - e.g. 'I�m stupid /hopeless /useless / worthless.� Rational thinking Rational thinking presents a vivid contrast to its illogical opposite: It is based on reality - it emphasises seeing things as they really are, keeping their badness in perspective, tolerating frustration and discomfort, preferring rather than demanding, and self-acceptance; It helps you achieve your goals and purposes; It creates emotions you can handle; and It helps you behave in ways which promote your aims and survival. We are not talking about so-called 'positive thinking�. Rational thinking is realistic thinking. It is concerned with facts - the real world - rather than subjective opinion or wishful thinking. Realistic thinking leads to realistic emotions. Negative feelings aren�t always bad for you. Neither are all positive feelings beneficial. Feeling happy when someone you love has died, for example, may hinder you from grieving properly. Or to be unconcerned in the face of real danger could put your survival at risk. Realistic thinking avoids exaggeration of both kinds - negative and positive. |
| 12 Self-defeating Beliefs 1. I need love and approval from those significant to me - and I must avoid disapproval from any source. 2. To be worthwhile as a person I must achieve, succeed at what ever I do, and make no mistakes. 3. People should always do the right thing. When they behave obnoxiously, unfairly or selfishly, they must be blamed and punished 4. Things must be the way I want them to be - otherwise life will be intolerable. 5. My unhappiness is caused by things outside my control - so there is little I can do to feel any better. 6. I must worry about things that could be dangerous, unpleasant or frightening - otherwise they might happen. 7. I can be happier by avoiding life's difficulties, unpleasantness, and responsibilities. 8. Everyone needs to depend on someone stronger than themselves. 9. Events in my past are the cause of my problems - and they continue to influence my feelings and behaviours now. 10. I should become upset when other people have problems and feel unhappy when they're sad. 11. I should not have to feel discomfort and pain - I can't stand them and must avoid them at all costs. 12. Every problem should have an ideal solution, and it is intolerable when one can't be found. |
| 12 Rational Beliefs 1. Love and approval are good things to have, and I'll seek them when I can. But they are not necessities - I can survive(even uncomfortably) without them. 2. I'll always seek to achieve as much as I can - but unfailing success and ompetence is unrealistic. Better I just accept myself as a person, separate to my performance. 3. It's unfortunate that people sometimes do bad things. But humans are not yet perfect - and upsetting myself won't change that reality. 4. There is no law which says that things have to be the way I want. It's disappointing, but I can stand it - especially if I avoid catastrophising. 5. Many external factors are outside my control. But it is my thoughts (not the externals) which cause my feelings. And I can learn to control my thoughts. 6. Worrying about things that might go wrong won't stop them happening. It will, though, ensure I get upset and disturbed right now! 7. Avoiding problems is only easier in the short term - putting things off can make them worse later on. It also gives me more time to worry about them! 8. Relying on someone else can lead to dependent behaviour. It is OK to seek help - as long as I learn to trust myself and my own judgement. 9. The past can't influence me now. My current beliefs cause my reactions. I may have learned these beliefs in the past, but can choose to analyse and change them in the present. 10. I can't change other people's problems and bad feelings by getting myself upset. 11. Why should I in particular not feel discomfort and pain? I don't like them, but I can stand it. Also, my life would be very restricted if I always avoided discomfort. 12. Problems usually have many possible solutions. It is better to stop waiting for the perfect one and get on with the best available. I can live with less than the ideal. |
| From Self Defeat to Rational Living |
| REBT's comprehensive approach works best for individuals desiring a scientific, present-focused, and active treatment for coping with life's difficulties, rather than one which is mystical, historical, and largely passive. REBT is based on a few simple principles having profound implications: You are responsible for your own emotions and actions, Your harmful emotions and dysfunctional behaviors are the product of your irrational thinking, You can learn more realistic views and, with practice, make them a part of you, You'll experience a deeper acceptance of yourself and greater satisfactions in life by developing a reality-based perspective. REBT distinguishes clearly between two very different types of difficulties: practical problems and emotional problems. Your flawed behavior, unfair treatment by others, and undesirable situations, represent practical problems. Regrettably, your human tendency is to upset yourself about these practical problems, thereby unnecessarily creating a second order of problems--emotional suffering. REBT addresses the latter by helping you: Take responsibility for your distress. The first lesson in healthy emoting and relating was stated by the Roman philosopher Epictetus more than 2000 years ago: only you can upset yourself about events--the events themselves, no matter how undesirable, can never upset you. Recognize that neither another person, nor an adverse circumstance, can ever disturb you--only you can. No one else can get into your gut and churn it up. Others can cause you physical pain--by hitting you over the head with a baseball bat, for example--or can block your goals. But you create your own emotional suffering, or self-defeating behavioral patterns, about what others do or say. Identify your "musts." Once you admit that you distort your own emotions and actions, then determine precisely how. The culprit usually lies in one of the three core "musts:" "Must" #1 (a demand on yourself): "I MUST do well and get approval, or else I'm worthless." This demand causes anxiety, depression, and lack of assertiveness. "Must" #2 (a demand on others): "You MUST treat me reasonably, considerately, and lovingly, or else you're no good." This "must" leads to resentment, hostility, and violence. "Must" #3 (a demand on situations): "Life MUST be fair, easy, and hassle-free, or else it's awful." This thinking is associated with hopelessness, procrastination, and addictions. Ascertain what you're demanding of yourself, of your significant others, or of your circumstances. Not until you have discovered the "must" can you then go on effectively to reduce your distress. Dispute your "musts." The only way you can ever remain disturbed about adversity is by vigorously and persistently agreeing with one of these three "musts." Thus, once you've bared them, then relentlessly confront and question your demands. Begin by asking yourself: "What's the evidence for my `must?' " "How is it true?" "Where's it etched in stone?" And then by seeing: "There's no evidence." "My `must' is entirely false." "It's not carved indelibly anywhere." Make your view "must"-free, and then your emotions will heal. Reinforce your preferences. Conclude, therefore: Preference #1: "I strongly PREFER to do well and get approval, but even if I fail, I will accept myself fully," Preference #2: "I strongly PREFER that you treat me reasonably, kindly, and lovingly, but since I don't run the universe, and it's a part of your human nature to err, I, then, cannot control you," Preference #3: "I strongly PREFER that life be fair, easy, and hassle-free, and it's very frustrating that it isn't, but I can bear frustration and still considerably enjoy life." Assuming that you take the above suggestions to heart and thereby greatly reduce your anxiety, hostility, depression, and addictions, what remains? Will you exist robot-like, devoid of human feeling and motivation? Hardly! Without your turmoil, you'll more easily experience love, involvement, and joy. And without your addictions, you'll be freer to engage in the gratifying experiences of spontaneity, commitment, and self-actualization. As you can see, REBT will appeal to you if you relish quickly taking control of your own life, rather than remaining dependent upon a therapist for years. By giving you tools for identifying and overcoming the true source of your difficulties, it will prepare you to act in many ways as your own therapist. And by helping you to reinforce realistic, self-benefitting beliefs, it will enable you to eliminate present emotional and behavioral problems, and to avoid future ones. |
 |
 |
| Back to coping strategies |
| Back to Home Page |