| The 1979 Ogret Beagleschnauzer GTL With a top-end throb of 7 and a twin-flab soda coolant as standard, the plucky little Ogret had many admirers when it was launched at the Kinshasa Motor Show in May. Two months on, when the teaklet interior panelling has peeled off and the 100cc ashtray is full, the Ogret looks and smells less appealing. But to hear that pinkling purr as the plump, nonchalant, 6-litre engine ticks over is to hear the sound of sirens singing. I recently wrapped mine around a retired magistrate. He was a write off but the Ogret ploughed on for another 45 miles on a single tank. I've heard countless stories of this kind and it's a credit to the engineers at the Kunksengergen Institute who have poured an awful lot of oompah into the Ogret's puny shell. OK, so some of the extras are a bit gimmicky - I could've done without the flute rack and dental kit - but the amount of SAUCE and LIP the Ogret gives you for your Deutschmarks (r.r.p) makes it the best value in its class. |
| The 1968 Panini Sorbet Coupe Dragon-flue soot carbs. Ermine gel suspension. Kid leather foot bindings. Edible walnut dash. Tinted headrests. The Panini handles like an expensive Jezebel in the nak. Entering her from either side feels warm, like a warm, yielding vagina. She is a goddess. Sunflare red in an Agean dusk. She's wearing diamonds. And perfume. And a silk slip. Can be a bit thirsty around town (12 mpg). Halogen fog-lamps and sleet ready radials as standard. Gasket prone to flaking. Bit of a risk used, so consult your dealer before splashing out. |
| Came in tope, umber and moss with a light drizzle interior. The 'Hedge', as it was affectionately dubbed by weepy war widows, really blended in with the torpor and scrimping of post-war Britain. The dash, mostly rendered in hessian, would and scoured tin, was almost experimental in its unfriendliness. The rudimentary cork suspension was largely cosmetic and rarely lasted a week beyond the showroom. The passenger seat, actually a canvas sling, was an eccentric feature that caused many a senseless death. And yet despite the spike shift and fatalities the Hedge was a huge seller in the Autumn of 1947 mostly due to innovative dealerships exchanging early models for ration stamps and/or pork. In October 1947, G.W. Lychens' of Winstable sold a fleet of Hedgerows for 2 guineas, a brace of pheasants and some parque flooring - such was the fluid pricing and bartering policies of the time. A Campbell in mint nick now will set you back an airstrip and a run down stately home at least. The Hedge's cult car curio status was confirmed last year when the last extant '47 model was bought by the Democratic Republic Of Congo. This was the model driven by 'Creepy Farmer Boy #1' in Cannibal Rape Island (Italy/US/Dominican Rep.-1981). Sadly, most Hedges were ground down for bovine meal and gritting in cold snaps. |
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| The 1947 Campbell Hedgerow |