A married couple was in a terrible car accident where the woman's face was
severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they could not graft any
skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However the only
skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from
his ass. Husband and the wife agreed that they would tell no one about where
the skin came from and requested the doctor also honored their secret. After
all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed everyone
was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than
she ever had before. All her girlfriends and relatives just went on and on
about her youthful beauty. One day she was alone with her husband and she
was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just wanted to
thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay
you."
"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need
everytime I see your mother kiss your cheek."
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, 'You've
been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have
to do is ask.'
The cats says, 'Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had
to sleep on hardwood floors.' God says, 'Say no more.' And instantly, a fluffy
pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and
they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He
made the cat.
The mice said, 'All our lives we've had to run. We've been chased by cats,
dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller
skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore.' God says, 'Say no more.' And
instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The
cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,
'How are you doing? Are you happy here?'
The cat yawns and stretches and says, 'Oh, I've never been happier in my
life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best
Two rednecks decided that they weren't going anywhere in life and thought
they should back go to college to get ahead. The first goes in to see the
counselor, who tells him to take Math, History, and Logic.
"What's Logic?" the first redneck asks. The professor answers by saying,
"Let me give you an example. Do you own a weedeater?" "I sure do." "Then
I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard," replied the professor.
"That's real good!" says the redneck. The professor continues, "Logic will
also tell me that since you have ayard, you also own a house." Impressed, the
redneck says, "Amazing".
"And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife."
"That's Betty Mae! This is incredible!" The redneck is obviously catching on.
"Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are
heterosexual," said the professor.
"You're absolutely right! Why that's the most fascinating thing I ever heard! I
can't wait to take that logic class!!" The redneck, proud of the new world
opening up to him, walks back into the hallway, where his friend is still
waiting.
"So what classes are you taking?" asks the friend. "Math, History, and
Logic!" replies the first redneck.
"What the heck is logic???" asked his friend. "Let me give you an example.
Do you own a weedeater?" asked the first redneck.
"No," his friend replied.
"You're gay, aren't you??