Ramblings -- Jamie

Jamie was one of those girls you could never really forget.

She was my angel; and she made everyday better. As if by magic, she was always there at the right time. She was my best friend.

I think the thing I liked most about Jamie was that she was just as weird as me. Maybe that�s why I felt so accepted around her, she was different too.

But the best thing about Jamie was that she never thought of herself as different. She never cared much about what other people thought about her. And spending time with her, gave me the habit too.

There were times when we played for hours, undisturbed, and caught up in our own fictional worlds of magic. No one ever minded us; and the few people that did look gave us weird glances, as if to say �What�s the matter with you?� This was to be expected. For what sane person would talk to two funny looking kids.

In truth, I wish I was like Jamie � someone who could never really be forgotten. There were times when people looking right through me as if I were invisible. I wanted to make an impact on at least one person�s life. Just like Jamie made an impact on mine.

Jamie never made me feel unwanted. She was the only person that made me feel that way. Maybe that�s what made her so special. Of all the people in the world, she was the only one who accepted me. She was the only one who truly cared.

I sat uncomfortably in the red arm chair. The twigs in the fireplace crackled like crickets, stealing away the awkward silence. I looked out the window, and saw children playing outside like there was no tomorrow. I remembered when I used to play like that, I was happy then.

But now I could never really find the courage to join the other kids play. They would laugh at me. Who wouldn�t when you saw a kid with a crimson colored eye?

Yes, my eye was discolored. The doctor told me that it was what brought my self-esteem down; but anyone would�ve figured that out.

I saw my reflection on the glass window, as if a trick of light has suddenly made it clear to me how different I was. I glanced away trying not to make it seem like I was afraid of myself. In truth, I was.

I didn�t like the way I looked; and I hated the way people looked at me. The only person that never ever made me feel that way when she was around was Jamie.

Maybe I could talk about her this time, or at least try.

�Child?� the doctor spoke, �Do you know why your mother brings you here?�

�No�� I croaked.

�She wants you to heal. She wants you to forget about your friend, the one person whose memory has been torturing you day and night. She tells me that you don�t eat, you don�t sleep, and that you hardly speak to anyone. I want to help you get better.� He looked at me above his rectangular spectacles.

Of course he wanted to help me; he was paid to do that. �Who says I need to get better? I�m not sick, and I never was.�

�But, child, you are sick on the inside. This girl��

�Her name�s Jamie.�

�� Jamie. She has been killing you. Don�t you want to forget about her?�

This time, I looked back at the doctor. I wanted him to understand that she was not a virus, she was my medicine. She was the only one who would make me feel alive. Of all these things I wanted to tell him, all I could muster was �No.�

He shifted in his seat and he put down his notebook and pen. This was the first time he had ever done that. �Why don�t you?�

�Do you know how people hang on to things that can�t be explained? Like how scientists and doctors, can�t stop trying to figure out cures for these diseases that are up to this point incurable? That�s how I feel. I want to understand why Jamie� dis� disappeared. She was the one person that made me feel like myself, and I don�t want to forget that. But at the same time, I want to know why she left me. And I can�t just let go of something that was so important�� My throat tightened ever so slowly that by the end of the longest thing that the doctor had ever gotten out of me, I found myself holding back tears.

�Well then, if that�s how you feel, tell me how she changed your life? How did she make you feel like yourself? What made her so important that you are willing to withstand the pain of her memory just to remember her?� His voice became somewhat softer. Maybe he really did want to help me.

My fingernails dug into my knee, something I do whenever I try not to cry. But I had forgotten that an old wound lay there, and by trying not to cry, I bled. The wound had reopened, bringing back memories of the day I got it. It was on one of those adventures Jamie and I would go through. I felt a tear slide down my cheek, �Uhm� I just don�t know where to begin.� I refused to make eye contact with the doctor.

�Maybe I could help.� He poured some water into a glass and offered it to me. �Let�s see, is that cut on your knee reminding of you of something.�

�Yes and no.� I didn�t want to explain that the wound was reminding me of the happy times I used to have; but it was everything around me that reminded me of Jamie.

�Where did you get it?�

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to prevent the rest of the tears from flowing. Then, all the vivid and painful memories came into view. I began to remember�

�Don�t go down there! It�s dangerous!� I yelled after Jamie as she rolled down the hill towards the rocky valley at the bottom.

She held onto a gigantic rock that jutted out of the grass at arm�s length from her. Her momentum had been destroyed, and she was slowly coming back up the hill towards me. �Come on,� she beckoned, �if you don�t know how to live life right now, then when will you ever?�

�Oh� okay�but ��

Without waiting for my response Jamie pulled me down the hill with her. Somehow, I ended up rolling at the exact same speed she was.

When the ground�s angle had become flat, we stopped rolling. To my surprise, I found myself laughing.

Jamie picked herself up and ran to help pick me up. �I told you it was fun didn�t I?�

I said nothing and instead walked over to a small puddle at the edge of the Dead Tree. I stared down at myself, and didn�t recognize who was staring back at me. The boy�s dirty blonde hair was sticking out one end, and he looked as if he bathed in mud.

I frowned when I realized how sloppy I looked.

�What�s the matter?� Jamie called.

�Mother will be angry with me when she sees what I�ve done to my favorite pair of trousers. She doesn�t like it when I get dirty.�

�I have a question,� she took hold of my hands. �Is it only your favorite pair of trousers because your mother said so, or because you really do like them?�

I stared down at the ground, something I did whenever I was embarrassed, �Well�� I removed my hands from her grasp and scratched my head.

�Tell me the truth.�

�The first one��

She burst into a fit of giggles that left me puzzled. �What?!� I asked.

�Nothing�� she began to regain her composure, �it�s just that I�m wondering why you let your mother tell you what to do all the time. It�s like she controls you or something.�

�And you find that funny?�

�Yes.�

�Why?�

She didn�t answer and instead burst into laughter once again. I gave her the best �I�m-angry-at-you� look I could muster, and fell to my knees. �Please tell me why!!�

She winked at me. �Uhm, you�re getting your trousers even dirtier��

�Damn!�

She gasped. �I�m telling your mother that you said something bad.�

I covered my mouth with my hands and shook my head violently.

�Okay. I won�t, but you have to promise that you will follow every single thing I tell you to for the entire day.�

I nodded my head, still too shocked to utter a sound.

�You�re such a baby sometimes you know?� Jamie teased.

�No, I�m not.� my voice came out in a high-pitched squeak.

She roared with laughter, and grabbed me by my sleeves. �Let�s go. You need to get cleaned up before your mother sees you.�

I allowed myself dragged up the hill, as I was still exhausted. �Okay.� I said in barely a whisper.

�Oh,� she looked me in the eye. �Next time, don�t wear your favorite pair of trousers.�

�I realized that my knee was bleeding once I got back inside my house. Of course, I tried to conceal it by dressing it myself. But I could never dress my wounds right, I ended up making the gash worse.

Mother found out, because my knee had become infected. I was never again allowed to go that far away from the house.

But I never blamed Jamie for forcing me to roll down that hill. If she never did, I never would�ve learned to go against Mother�s wishes sometimes. Jamie taught me how to be a kid.�

I noticed that the doctor was muttering something to himself. I didn�t like it when people would talk to themselves in front of me, it made me feel as if they were talking about me.

�So,� he began, �did you ever go that far away from your house again?�

�Yes,� I gave a small smile, �I went even farther.�

I saw the doctor hold back a laugh. For once, he looked like he understood me. Maybe he too, was once a kid. �Did your mother ever get angry at Jamie for being a supposedly bad influence on you?�

�Mother never found out that Jamie was the one making me do such reckless and childish things. I didn�t want to tell her, I liked being normal. Those days I spent with Jamie were the happiest days of my life, I felt like a kid. And I knew that if Mother ever found out, she would make Jamie leave�� I paused for a moment, �but Jamie left anyway.�

�I see that you�re talking about the end right now. Why don�t you begin from the very beginning, the day you met Jamie?�

I hated spring. It was the absolute worse time of the year.

Spring was the season where Mother would allow me to take a break from my home schooling. But I knew that she just wanted me out of the house, for whatever reason that was unimportant to me.

She allowed our maid, to take me to town. On one condition: she had to follow a strict curriculum, of bringing me to the tailor�s every Monday, shopping at educational toy stores on Tuesday, the salon every Wednesday, and the rest of the week was spent as our maid wished, as long as I was not to behave childishly, recklessly, or dangerously whatsoever.

Still, the maid didn�t follow any of Mother�s orders. She dropped me off at the park everyday to play, insisting that it was �what children do�. At that time, I didn�t like being brought there. I didn�t want to be a kid. Rather, I didn�t know how to be one.

But no matter how hard I complained and begged her not to leave me at the park, she left me there and went away to play with her friends. �It�s either you stay here or you come with me to play around with my friends?!� she would always threaten.

I never chose the latter. I didn�t like her friends. Her peers were composed of a few frightening men (most of them inserting needles into themselves all the time), and a few girls wearing short skirts and smoking.

I would rather stay alone in the park than go with them.

Several times, I wanted to tell Mother about what was really going on, but during spring I never saw Mother. She was always locked up in her room, or out of the house. There were days when the entire house was silent because there was nobody home but me and the help who usually left and came back when Mother arrived home.

The help would never get caught sneaking out or not attending work at all. Mother was much to busy to even notice that we were missing a few dozen workers. She was to busy to even notice me, her son.

So, everyday I had to endure a couple of hours alone at the park while children played and paid no attention to me. On several occasions, I thought about trying out the swings.

I had never tried out the swings before.

But I was always too afraid to do something Mother wouldn�t allow.

One spring day, town was hit with a sudden downpour of rain. I was at a loss of what to do, since it had never rained during the times that I had been left alone.

I saw all the children being taken away by their parents and wrapped with coats or stuffed into vehicles.

Soon enough, the entire park had been vacated and I found myself standing alone in the middle of the park, with no idea how to get anywhere. It was then that I realized that I was truly alone. And it was then when I wanted a friend more than anything in the world.

I began to count to 100 � a technique that Mother told me would help when I began to panic. It didn�t work, and instead I began sobbing.

There was a flurry of colors, as I felt a hand grab mine and drag me beneath a gigantic oak tree.

When the world stopped spinning, a girl came into view.

She had deep brown eyes, and a bright smile. She was slim and tinier than most girls I had seen. Her tanned skin sparkled with the rain drops that had completely soaked her. But the most shocking thing about her was her hair, it was entirely white.

�Hi! I�m Jamie!� she greeted, �Are you okay? I saw you standing in the rain, and you were crying. I figured you were hurt or something. But seeing as you seem fine, except for the mud all over your face, I guess you weren�t hurt.�

�You have� white hair�� I stuttered. Then I mentally slapped myself for remembering that I was being rude. If Mother was there, she would�ve been very angry.

Her smile became even brighter, �Why, thank you.�

�Why are you saying thank you?� A sudden spark of curiosity had ignited within me, something I had not felt in a long time, �Don�t people laugh at you because you�re different? Aren�t you embarrassed? Don�t you think it�s weird?�

She moved closer towards me, �Silly, everyone�s weird in their own way. Everyone has special talents that no one else has. In my case, it�s just my hair that�s different from other people. Being weird doesn�t make me different; because everyone is weird it just makes me the same as everyone else. If I�m ashamed of a small thing like my hair, then what�s the point of living if you�re afraid to even face yourself?�

�Well, not everyone thinks the same way you do. Lots of people think that looking different makes you less of a person.� I replied.

�That�s their problem. If they can�t even see the other side of things, then what will happen if the way they look at things that fail? What then?�

�I don�t know.�

�See?� I had never known anyone else who made the whole world seem like such a good place. �By the way, why were you standing in the rain? That was really stupid thing to do. You could�ve just gone under here you know? The tree is so big you won�t even get wet. What were you thinking?�

This was the first time anyone had ever spoken to me even if they didn�t have to. I was completely surprised with the way that Jamie was just so friendly, �Why are you talking to me?�

She stopped talking and gave me a questioning look, �Why shouldn�t I?�

I looked away for a brief moment, and then stared into her eyes. I pointed at my left eye, the red one. �Don�t you think that my red eye is weird? That�s the reason people don�t talk to me, they get scared. And don�t say that me being weird makes me normal, it�s more than just weird. I can�t do anything about it. You can change the color of your hair anytime you want; but I�ve tried so many things just so my eye won�t be this red, none of them worked.�

Jamie shook her head, �But I choose not to change the color of my hair.� She leaned in really close and whispered in my ear, �And about your eye � I didn�t even notice it was red.�

�From then on, spring had become my joy. And going to the park everyday was what I looked forward to most of all.

"Without fail, Jamie and I would meet each other under the oak tree that we then began to call �The Tree of Lost Souls�. It was Jamie�s idea. I never really knew why she wanted to call it that, but knowing Jamie, there never really had to be a reason.

"But one day, the very day that Jamie had convinced me to try out the swings, Mother decided to pay a visit.

"Everything happened so quickly then.

"I remember Mother dragging me by the hair away from Jamie and the swings. I remember Mother screaming and going spastic. I remember the maid and Mother yelling at each other and arguing. I remember a loud bang that had engulfed the world in silence. I remember blood, and I remember Mother picking me up and running away. She told me to never tell anyone of what had just happened.

"And as Mother carried me farther and farther away from the place that I had found happiness, I took one last look at that park. But Jamie was nowhere to be seen.�

�But if you never saw Jamie again, then how were you able to play with her in your estate?� The doctor seemed to really be getting into it.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I turned towards the window again where I saw even more children playing. Somewhere, out there, I thought I heard the faint sound of laughter.

The sound rang like tinkling bells. It sounded just like Jamie�s laugh.

It had been weeks since I had seen Jamie. I found myself on a downward spiral, going farther and deeper into depression.

Mother never noticed. She had become even busier, since Berta had left.

But unlike before, she wouldn�t allow me to leave home. She hardly left herself.

Sometimes she stayed locked up in her room for days. All I heard were vulgar words from the inside, and loud banging. Other times I only heard crying.

�Mother? Please come out. Don�t cry anymore.� I found myself begging at her door after a week or two of not seeing her. I had lost track of time. It didn�t really matter anymore.

There was no answer from the inside. There never was.

Most days, I found myself wandering around the mansion alone. The days only got longer, and the everyday there seemed to be less and less people in the house. Soon, there was no sound of life at all.

Everyday, I found a plate of bread in my room. I got three plates a day. I never complained that the food I was fed had gotten considerably worse compared to when Mother was happier. But that was all I ever got.

Several times I wanted to see who was giving me these three plates of food. I would wait for hours on end, just hopeful that I would be able to meet my own personal guardian angel.

The angel never came, but the food, somehow always did.

I soon began to create games of my own, in hopes that Mother would come out and get angry at me for such terrible behavior. I slid down the grand staircase headfirst; I didn�t change my underwear twice a day; once I had even dared to jump on the couch.

In the beginning, when my games were still new, I would sit and hope that Mother would get angry at me. I waited for hours, but she never came.

Then, I lost hope completely.

One day, food was not delivered to my room. I sat and waited in my room the entire day, but no food ever came. I cried myself to sleep that night; hoping that my tiredness would conceal my hunger.

The next thing I knew, I was being shaken awake. �Hey! Hey! Wake up!�

My vision came into focus, and I saw her. I saw the one person I thought I would never see again. Jamie, was standing in front of me. �Jamie?! What�re you doing here?�

�I thought you were waiting for an angel�� she replied softly.

I felt my cheeks burn, �Well, yeah. I was.�

�So here I am. I�ve decided to be your very own angel.�

I smiled brightly. Jamie had that effect on people, she can make an entire room of people light up with happiness. Of course, I had never seen her in a room full of people but everything (even the stars) seemed to glow brighter when she was around.

My stomach growled loudly.

�Come on. Let�s go find some food.� She swiftly took my hand and led me around the house. I wondered how she knew the house so well.

When we arrived at the kitchen, she told me what to do. Being that it was my first time in the kitchen for purposes other than to tell the maids that the turkey was too hot, I made many mistakes. After hours of cooking, Jamie was finally able to instruct me on the proper method of making a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich.

�You want some?� I mumbled, my mouth stuffed with sugary goodness.

�It�s fine. I�m not hungry. You eat it, you need it more.� She looked at me in a way that I couldn�t quite place.

�How come,� I swallowed a mouthful of the sandwich, �you knew where I lived�?�

�Well,� she looked away. But before she could answer there was a loud bang that came from upstairs.

Jamie and I sprinted towards where the sound had come from. The bang had come from Mother�s room.

�Mother?! Mother?! Are you alright?� I screamed frantically. I banged against the door for what seemed like ages, but no sound ever escaped the room again.

I lay on the floor, weeping for hours; and Jamie stayed faithfully by my side. She never said anything, but she continuously stroked my hair as I laid my head on her lap.

�Your mother�s okay. She�s fine. Everything�s going to be alright.� she assured me, �Come on. Let�s get to bed.�

Too tired to deny sleep, I followed her groggily. As I lay on my bed, I said, �I don�t want to fall asleep.�

�Why?� she asked.

�Because I�m afraid that this is all just a dream and you�ll just be gone again tomorrow. I don�t want to be left alone again.� I pleaded.

She gave me a swift peck on the cheek, �I promise that I�ll still be here. I won�t leave you as long as you need me.�

�I awoke the next morning to find Jamie by my side, just like she promised.� I remembered the bittersweet moment.

�What happened to your mother?� The doctor leaned in closer.

�Jamie! Hide!� I pulled Jamie into the secret room behind the bookshelf.

Most people have places they feel safe in. My safe place was in that secret room. It was small and tiny; and it made the world so much easier to live in. In some ways, I liked being alone in that room, I felt so peaceful. It was as if, I could hide in there forever and no one would ever find me. I could be happy, and no one could ever take that away.

I snapped the book case door shut, and I peered through the cracks in the wooden walls to see the other side.

�What�s happening? I�m scared�� Jamie whispered as she gripped my hand even tighter.

�I don�t know. I just heard unfamiliar footsteps�I think someone�s in the house.�

We saw some men in white coats break open Mother�s door, and take her away on a floating bed. They were running around with beeping machines, and I was afraid that if Jamie was not there with me I would have a panic attack.

Many times I closed my eyes, because I was so afraid with what was happening to Mother. But Jamie would just whisper, �Don�t worry. I�m right here. Everything will be alright.�

Later on, when we had lost track of the amount of time we were hiding, the men began to whisper among themselves.

�I heard she had a child? I wonder where he is.� One man said.

The scariest man of all softly spoke to the others, �I heard that no one has seen him since spring. The house has been empty for a long time, all the help left. That is probably why the mother is in bad shape. I heard she witnessed someone kill her maid or something...�

�But, you know what? I feel like there is some life left in this house. It�s not completely silent, maybe the child is still around.�

�It is impossible, no one would have fed him, aside from the mother; and seeing as she is in such bad shape she couldn�t have.�

Then the scary men left with mother, leaving Jamie and I alone.

But there is a difference between being alone and being lonely. And even if Jamie and I were technically alone in that house, with each other we couldn�t feel lonely.

�Mother came home after a few weeks. She was different � in a good way.

"I liked seeing Mother smile more; she even gave me hugs sometimes. I had never seen her so happy before, I liked it.

"But as I saw more and more of Mother, I saw less and less of Jamie. She would go home everyday, and meet me in the afternoons. It wasn�t like when she used to sleep over almost everyday. Sometimes it felt like she never did go back home.

"This gave me more time to continue my schooling, since I was lagging behind. Mother wouldn�t stay locked up in her room anymore, but there were days, dark days, when she would become the old Mother again.

"On those days, Mother would yell at me for things I didn�t know I did. But her �episodes� weren�t as bad as before. When she realized that she was angry, she would slump down on the floor and begin to cry.

"Every time this happened, I was instructed to bring her the medicine the people in the white coats told her to take when she was sad. Once she took the pills, Mother and I would cuddle by the fireplace. Most times we would cry. I would cry because I had been so afraid, and Mother would cry because she was sorry that she scared me.

"I liked how Mother changed. It was nice.�

�Did your mother ever find out about Jamie?� the doctor, gazing intently on me, asked.

�I think she did. She just never really spoke to Jamie. Sometimes, when Mother would scold me, Jamie would come in the room and take my hand. But Mother was always to busy with me to say hello to Jamie. It was okay with me though, as long as Jamie never left me.�

�How many times do I have to tell you not to go out and climb trees?! And to do it in your good shoes too?! It�s a catastrophe, you shouldn�t disobey me! Don�t ever do it again!� Mother yelled in a voice that seemed to rattle the entire house.

I admit that I had disobeyed Mother by climbing trees, but I wanted to tell her that I wanted to see the newly hatched baby birds in the tree. But she wouldn�t have understood, Jamie was the only one who ever understood me. �I�m sorry Mother.� I mumbled.

�That is all you ever tell me: that you�re sorry. But for once, mean it.� She said back. Her once booming voice transformed into a gentle but hard voice. It frightened me more than when she acted like she was angry.

I looked down at the floor, unable to look Mother in the eye. Mother turned her back on me and walked away. I hated it when she walked away; it made me feel like a failure.

I noticed that Jamie appeared to be standing next to me. I didn�t notice she had even come into the room. Then again, I was probably too preoccupied with Mother and her anger to even notice. I refused to look at Jamie, hoping she wouldn�t see the tears building up in my eyes.

Jamie took my hand slowly and gave it a reassuring squeeze. �Don�t worry. She loves you, that�s why she gets angry.�

�How can you say that? If you love someone, why would you make them feel sad? Mother doesn�t love me, she always gets angry at me.�

�Sometimes fear makes people angry. She was just so scared that she will one day lose you. She knows that, but she�s trying to keep that day as far away as possible. She would do anything to keep you safe, even if that means getting angry at you. You have to understand that it hurts her more than you. Her anger shows that she cares.� Jamie explained.

I remained still, soaking in the truth that I had been pushed to the back of my head, for so long.

�Did you ever think that maybe this is the reason she was always angry with you?� she asked so softly, if the wind had blown at that moment, I wouldn�t have heard her.

�I think that deep down I did; but I was willing to trade that in for one, selfish moment.�

�I�m sorry but our time is almost up. Your mother will be here in a matter of minutes.� The doctor stopped my narration.

�Oh, but please; can I stay here a bit longer? To be honest, the more I talk about Jamie, it seems like it�s becoming easier for me to let go.� I admitted.

�I thought so...� he muttered to himself, just loud enough for me to hear.

�What�s that supposed to mean?� I asked.

The doctor looked at me in the eye. An emotion ran across his face, an emotion I couldn�t quite place. �Well, child... The truth is, there never... there never was a girl. Jamie never existed.�

My heart fell. It was as if someone had ripped it right out of my chest, and thrown it so far away that it was impossible to find � like looking for a needle in a haystack. I didn�t want to believe that this was true, it couldn�t be. �But she was always right next to me! She was always right there. She held my hands, she kissed me on my cheek, she spoke to me... she was real.� I protested.

�Child, you have to understand. You were lonely, and you needed someone there with you or you could�ve risked going insane. You were very vulnerable then.�

�No!� I screamed then ran into the corner and whimpered. I just refused to believe the lies. I was positive that Jamie was always there. �She was real... she was real... You�re lying! She was my angel! If you say that I needed someone, that person was Jamie!�

�Please, try to understand. You made her up, she was nothing but imaginary.�

�But how come I saw her?� My voice, it seemed to have been taken away from me, just like my heart.

�You were the only one who ever did see her. Even your mother claims that she always saw you playing alone and speaking to yourself. And did you ever think to ask why she never went home, or why she never spoke of a family, or why no one else ever paid any attention to her?�

Then it sunk in. The doctor was right. I never did ask her. She was with me, that was all that really mattered then.

It came back to me, a memory, a flashback that had been so painful that I had pushed it to the back of my mind for so long. It was... the last time I saw Jamie.

�Happy Birthday!� Mother greeted me. She handed me a box that was nicely wrapped.

�It�s my birthday...?� I asked.

�Yes it is. I can�t believe you forgot. After all, this is the first time that we are celebrating your birthday in five years.�

Had it been that long? �Mother,� I began, a little bit embarrassed that I had forgotten my very own birthday, �how old am I?�

�Well,� she began counting silently, �you should be 11 today.�

�I�m old.� I stated plainly.

Mother smiled wide and burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter. �Don�t say you�re old yet. I�m older.�

Together we laughed even more. Like my birthday, I didn�t remember the last time Mother and I laughed together this hard. I liked it.

�Wait here.� Mother said, �I�ll fetch your birthday cake.�

As Mother left, I noticed Jamie coming towards me from the corner of the room, where she had been standing. She looked into my eyes, �Happy Birthday.�

�Thanks.� I scratched my back and felt blood rush to my cheeks.

�I�m sorry that I don�t have a gift for you.�

�You just being here, as my friend, is a good enough gift for me.� I said softly.

Jamie smiled at me and slowly backed away as Mother reemerged into the sitting room. �Here you go, son. Your birthday cake. Mind you, I baked it myself.�

�Thanks Mother.� Then I said something that had not escaped my lips for the longest time, I couldn�t even remember ever saying it, �I love you.�

Mother had a look of pleasant surprise on her face, �I love you too, son.�

As Mother and I hugged each other, I saw Jamie from the corner of my eye. She had a look of accomplishment and happiness of her face. I turned my head towards her, and she smiled sweetly. Yet, it seemed like she had something to say.

When Mother and I released each other, I ran over to Jamie. �What�s wrong?� I asked.

�Nothing...� Jamie replied, refusing to make eye contact.

�Really, what is it? I know that you have something you want to say.� I said as I softly brought her head up, so that she was looking straight at me.

�The truth is,� she began, �I have to go.�

�Oh, is that all? Well, okay. I�ll stay here with Mother anyway.� I said. It surprised me that she had such a hard time saying that she had to leave. It wasn�t such a big deal; she left every night to go home.

She smiled, �Bye then.� And she walked away, towards the front door.

As she was walking away, I though of taking her out of the house, but thinking that Mother would feel lonely, I decided against it. �Hang on, Jamie!� I called after.

She stopped in her tracks, �Yeah...?�

�See you tomorrow?�

She didn�t reply, and instead looked into my eyes, smiled, and walked away.

Days passed, she never came back. And the weather didn�t help much either. Continuously, it rained; and it always reminded me of the day I first met Jamie. It seemed fitting (though depressing), that we would say hello then goodbye on a rainy day.

But she was gone. So began my state of depression. All I ever did was stay locked up in my room. I didn�t eat; I didn�t sleep; I never spoke to any one. Everything in the world seemed to have reminded me of Jamie and how she was gone.

I couldn�t understand why she left without any explanation.

�Son, aren�t you going to open your birthday present yet?� Mother asked me one day. I had forgotten about the unopened present that Mother had given me. I looked around the room, finally finding it in a dusty corner next to my toy box.

I walked over without a word, and blew the dust that blanketed its once shiny wrapper. I opened it and inside rested a pair of sneakers. It was the first pair of sneakers I had ever gotten.

For the first time in months, I smiled. �Thanks Mother.� I said softly.

�You�re welcome.� Mother said as she walked out. I knew that she wanted to say so much more, but our conversations were mostly like that during those days. Simple, concise, meaningless.

I wanted to try the sneakers more than anything. But I had never been outside without Jamie before. She was always with me, and I was afraid that I wouldn�t be able to live without her.

�Soon, Mother sent me here. She was probably sick and tired of me walking around like a robot.� I sighed. I understood. My birthday was the day Mother and I finally learned to love one another. Maybe that was why Jamie needed to go, I didn�t need her anymore. But I so desperately, still wanted her with me.

�I�m glad you see it now. Jamie, she was there because you needed her with you. The human mind, when pushed to extremes, can do anything � even create other humans.� The doctor said.

�Thanks for helping me.� I said. But deep inside, I hadn�t fully accepted that Jamie never really existed. I wished I had the proper chance to say goodbye.

�Your Mother is outside waiting for you.� He said, and gestured me towards the door.

I walked out, and inside I felt as if a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. Mother greeted me and gave me swift peck on the cheek. �Let�s go home, son.� She said.

I took her hand, but as we walked out of the doctor�s office, I felt something in the air. Something sweet, something happy. I looked behind me, and right there, was Jamie. She stood smiling at me.

I stopped walking and let go of Mother�s hand. I looked back at Mother who seemed puzzled by my sudden stillness. Jamie walked towards me slowly, �I don�t think you�ll be seeing me again. So, I�m here to say goodbye for the last time.�

I felt a tear in my eye. I was finally letting go. �Bye.� I whispered.

With that she faded away into the crowd of the other patients that were staring at me strangely. I took hold of Mother�s hand once again, and allowed Mother to lead me away.

As we were walking, we passed the park where I had first met Jamie. By sudden impulse, I asked Mother, �Mother? If you don�t mind, could I try out the swings?�

Mother looked at me, dumbfounded by my random request, �Sure. Go ahead.�

With that I ran towards the swings with the sneakers Mother had given me on my feet.